@Fargesia_murielae 
thank you so much for this. So kind and encouraging of you.
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The bottom line is that you were unfaithful to your wife and she has the right to know. This is not a girlfriend you cheated on, this is your wife!
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Is he not too good of a person to be lied to?! Your “protection” of him protects you only and is nothing but humiliation. I could not live with disrespecting the person I’ve chosen to spend my life with daily like this.
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Girlfriends deserve to be treated with the same respect imo. But I get what you’re saying.
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I agree 100%. I meant it as in one of his past girlfriends. I wouldn’t expect him to go back and tell someone he’s no longer with. If his wife was a girlfriend and not his wife and the same thing happened, then I would have had the same reaction.
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Thanks for clearing this up Lisa. 
This thread shows very clearly how language can be used to “justify” just about any injustice, and so how carefully and correctly we must phrase things.
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It’s also very clear what the OP “wanted” to hear by all the thank you responses to only those that justified the behavior or didn’t acknowledge the affair.
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Lots of kind words from people on here. For that I’m thankful. Also some negative, critical, and unkind words on here. That’s a shame. You’re welcome to say whatever you want, but I’m not going to fight or justify myself to anyone. I didn’t post this seeking advice or consent. I posted it as part of my journey in sobriety, shedding some light on things I’m wrestling with. I joined Talking Sober 24 days ago because I wanted to be part of a community that would help me live a better, sober life. Let’s all pull on that rope together. Thanks.
My apology if I said anything wrong best to you on your journey point well taken.
Hi @cwak
Wow man. Your post was hard to read. I’m sure it was even harder to share. I hope being able to bring your demons out into the light helped you the way you wanted. I know how it feels to have secrets you haven’t ever shared with another soul. I have done similar to you in the past, shared anonymously online, hoping to find some peace and relief from my guilt and shame. It helps. A little. All I can say is I know deep in my heart, one day I will have to confess to my husband in order to be completely free. My circumstances are different, but I think maybe we are feeling similar feelings about our deceptions. I couldn’t help but think of your wife and I hope she has someone she trusts who she can talk to. You said you pressured her into a sexual situation that was more than she wanted, I think it’s super important that she has someone to talk to about this.
I’m glad you’re here.
I wish I had as much courage as you!!! To come on here and unload like you did is amazing and courageous!!! We all have guilt from poor decision and I am not here to judge. I am only here to encourage you to focus on your sobriety first. I wouldn’t confess to your wife at this point. You need to work on your sobriety first. Clear your head get rid of the fog. After that maybe consider counseling for your sexual addiction. You are very brave! Good luck.
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