Pornography has had terrible consequences in my life. It’s been a while since I posted here, or interacted with anyone. I’m currently at over 11 months sober from masturbation. A little over 7 months from explicit pornography. I’ve had slips where my eyes have lingered on suggestive material so I don’t count myself as sober really. I’m going to a 12 step program. I’m starting group therapy today. I’ve got a girlfriend who knows about my addiction and supports me through it. For all intents and purposes, I’m working on my recovery and it’s going well. I’ve made progress.
But she doesn’t know the worst of it
Pornography gets worse and worse, until you find yourself watching something that disgusts you. If it gets bad enough, you find yourself acting on what you watch. During the peak of my addiction I watched some very bad pornography and acted on it. Not CP.
That was a real low for me. I have faith, I believe in God. I go to church. I confessed, repented. My guilt and shame were swept away. But they’re back now, because I’m with someone who is so good. I’ve prayed and pondered. I feel like telling her is the right thing to do, but she’s also told me that unless it directly affects her or is about my resetting a timer or a relapse, then she doesn’t want to have the full conversation. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. I also kind of just wanted to get this off of my chest.
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No advice just thoughts. I think that if she doesn’t want to know then you have to respect that for now. There may come a time in the future where it will be different. Group therapy may be helpful with next steps to take as to how to deal with the guilt and shame. If they advise that telling her is the way to go then at least she might be more receptive to having that conversation. Good luck to you Mac.
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Hi, congratulations on the months of sobriety.
And for being involved in the 12 step group.
This is the way I see it. My wife is not my coach, therapist, or policeman.
If there is something that I need to get off my chest when it comes to my addictive sexual behavior, I’ll share it with a trusted friend within my circle if connections. Not my wife. While she knows much of my history and what I’m doing to address it, such details that you’re referring to would not help her emotional state. Nor would it help our relationship.
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Your guilt is not her burden. Therapy in addition to step work would be an effective way to deal with it
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No advice from me either. Sorry. My sober date from pmo is Nov 19 '26. You’re absolutely right about the dark rabbit hole porn drags you down. I’m in a 12 step and group therapy also.
Respect her wishes. Answer only what she wants to know when she wants to know.
May I ask your age and length of addiction?
I’m 63. Casual porn user until about six years ago. It spiraled about two years ago.
Congrats on your steps towards recovery. Read up on brain neuroplasicity and porn. It interesting and encouraging.
I’m on the younger side, I’ve been addicted since I was 13. It really spiraled a couple years after highschool. Then one day I knew I wanted to change, got into faith, really put my best effort forward, I knew I couldn’t keep going unless I layed it all out with my church leadership. The worst of it ended there, but it’s been a couple years of learning and growth to be where I’m at now. I don’t get arrogant, but I have been less than cautious. I’m going to my therapy and the 12 step program now just to keep working through recovery and protect it. Thanks for asking, and congratulations on your own path.
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