My parents have been doing a clean-out lately. Fine, fair enough, there’s a lot of clutter in the house. They got rid of some old furniture and were moving on to things that we don’t need/want any more.
We found this out collectively only half an hour ago. Dad, in all his wisdom, decided that without talking to ANYONE ELSE in the house, he would get rid of every single DvD, game or toy we have ever owned. Not only including things that were years old and held a LOT of sentimental value, but even things that were CURRENTLY BEING USED. Film-wise, this includes (but is not at all limited to) my brother’s old Star Wars original VHS collection (which regardless of sentiment, LITERALLY cannot be replaced or bought any more), all of my Harry Potter DvDs and books that were given to me by a now-dead close relative, my little sister’s favourite Disney films, and my toddler brother’s favourite films that he watches over and over and over again. Not anymore I guess.
He also got rid of a board game of my mum’s that was given to her when she was 5, by HER mother who now doesn’t remember her due to dementia. As well as childhood toys that me and my siblings have all played with since we were toddlers, stuff that me and my siblings played with together as kids. He got rid of an expensive poker set my brother owned, and a Skalectrix set that’s my little brother’s favourite thing in the whole world.
He threw away everything that ever held value to us. I can’t name everything because it would take too long. But everything is gone.
Except the stuff that’s important to him, of course. That’s still here.
No. He didn’t speak to anyone about what he was doing. He only told us when we asked where all our stuff had gone. Then when we (understandably) got angry and said he shouldn’t have done it, he refused to apologise and just up and left the house.
Wow. I would say that’s passive-aggressive, but it’s really just rather plain aggressive.
Did he throw them out or give them away? Any chance of getting any of it back?
That sounds like something I would do and have done. Some people just aren’t attached to things (me) other than for practical use. I just don’t see sentimental value in things and if it’s of no practical use, I’d rather not hold on to it. My wife on the other hand finds sentimental value in everything. I’ve learned to not toss anything without her permission.
I’m sorry your Dad did that, if he’s like me at all, he didn’t do it to hurt you in anyway.
Thing is though, he does see sentimental value in things. There are loads of things around the house that he owns because of emotional attachment only.
Thanks though. I don’t know what he was thinking, and he hasn’t come back yet so hopefully it was just some weird mistake or something, idk. It’s definitely going to fuck up our relationship for a while, though.
We went to the reuse shop and spent hours looking.
We got back 3 DvDs. No toys, no games, nothing.
Everything else is gone. I’ve lost almost every item that represented my childhood and my memories. It’s days before I move out for uni and almost all of my personal items are gone.
I sense a great deal of shock and pain here. Have you considered the possibility that perhaps he’s experiencing something internal, psychological, and this is acting out? Maybe he feels unappreciated, or this is some manifestation of some other inner turmoil?
I ask this because in reading your top post, this seems out-of-character for him. No “he’s always like this” or, “whelp, he did it again”.
I’m from an age where men are supposed to be stoic, not expressive of emotional struggles. We have to feel super safe in order to share, lest we be perceived as being “weak” or “girly”. The thing is, men have the same emotions, same burdens. Sometimes they show up in different ways. Heart attacks. Walking away from loving families. Self-destructive behavior like drinking, infidelity. There’s a reason for the stereotypical “hair transplant, sports car, affair with the secretary”.
If I had to guess, I’d say your Dad feels a need to reassert control over his life, his environment, and his destiny, and he “cleaned house” of things that weren’t important to him. Somewhere in that confused, muddled, desperate thinking, this is a symbolic “walking away”. But, I don’t know anymore than what you’ve shared, and I could be reading way too much into it. It could just as much be a case of him being an inconsiderate a-hole. I do think a bit of gentle probing might be in order.
