Take your time Branden. Know that forgiveness is done for yourself. You forgive for your own good. Letting go is actually the same as forgiving. But you can only do that after you fully processed what happened. After you have given meaning to what happened between him and you and the rest of your family. Takes time and work, possibly and probably lots of it. It can’t be forced and it’s hard but in the end it will be so worth it.
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I watched Stutz on netflix yesterday…many of things the therapist said struck home with me but this one in particular…hes coined a phrase for all the negative feelings, anything that holds us back in life, keeps us stuck etc hes called it ‘part x’ it can never be gotten rid of only overcome by our actions and one of the things he said was part x wants us to always want fairness in life because when we dont get it it hold us back, makes us angry and resentful, my childhood wasnt great but that really struck a chord…well worth a watch Branden i think it might help you too
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Actually I watched it when it first came out, but its defiworth watching again, i even thought, im going to come back to this, when necessary. Thanks for your kind words and solid gesture, it means a lot.
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No probs Branden im happy to help, im going to watch it again tomorrow and make some notes, really think it will help with what your going through right now, just remember how well your doing and how far youve come despite your childhood…youre doing great and ‘this too shall pass’
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Also, you may be feeling like ur being forced to carry it but your making sure that your children dont have to and that is my friend is solid gold
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For real. Thats what it feels like, the cross is heavy and the road is long, but if its less a burden for my children by taking those steps, thats what I’m more than willing to do.
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I know its easy for me to say…what you went through at the hands of your dad, how he was, how it affected you…it happened and it cant be changed ever…you couldnt control it but you can control what you do now, it helped for me to separate my child self from my adult self…i was the little girl who yearned for her dad who adandoned her to come save her from her abusive stepdad until i realised now im an adult i dont need to be saved anymore and i mentally let the little girl go because i can help myself now. I think your mourning your dad, how he should have been, the life you should have had and thats ok, mourn it, then set yourself free from it all, push forward and create the life u do deserve from now on, its all in your power now
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