So…I guess a phrase “it gets worse before it gets better” best describes what happened to me during last 40 days or so. But I never ever want to treat myself this way anymore, never want to feel so much apathy in void I put myself in. What I want is to treat myself the way I really deserve, with love and self respect…don’t fight emotions and at the same time not to listen to them the way they represent the truth - emotions do not tell complete puzzle of reality I’m in, are not my objective I want to achieve in life, I want to learn to make decisions based on facts, objectives I want to achieve, based on my knowledge and experiences. So, I’m in starting today 
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Keep knocking at the door. Don’t give up!
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Thank you Simon. What things / approach proved as efficient in your case please? If you want to share. One of items which are helping me is not to think about sobriety as end goal, that would drive me nuts. I accept sobriety as a way of living.
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Dont over think it just stay sober for today, getting that head on the pillow sober tonight is all that matters for today then repeat tomorrow. Other than that please try to be kind to yourself, lots of good food, hydration, B vitamins, self care to give yourself the best chance in these early days, sending love and hugs, remember that there are so many people here that have been where you are now myself included, we all understand so reach out as much as you need 
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Thank you for sharing. I felt real depression before Xmas but didn’t have any suicidal thoughts fortunately but it was first time I felt how real depression not just sadness. It’s over to large extent but “enjoyed” the whole circle with alcohol.
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Embracing Your kind hug Thank you Starlight, I absolutely agree with wise words of yours 
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You can do it, i love what you said about treating yourself with love and respect…why wouldnt you? The more you feel bad about yourself and berate yourself the more this disease will keep you ill, you are deserving of a life free of this horrible addiction we all are and it can be done, let any emotions come…accept that they are there and know that they really arent so bad that you need to run from them down a bottle, they are there for a reason…i got so used to running from emotion i forgot that i didnt actually need to…you wana cry then cry it out, i found screaming into a pillow pretty useful too 
its all part of the process, but you dont have to do any of it alone when you have us here friend
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