My dealer is my best friend

So, I’ve been reading things on this. Someone said the best thing they did was delete all their contacts for their dealers. My problem with that is he’s my brother. And I have a key to his house and he lets me scale it out my self.
I could delete his number but then I’ll just show up at his house (which is a 2 minute if that walk)
The rest of my contacts are easy to delete, I don’t know what to do with this one.
Anytime I get stressed (a little) I show up, mad I show up, happy, sad, I make every excuse still to go pickup from him.
He doesn’t support it anymore but he won’t tell me no and mean it. He just won’t scale it for me if I ask him to have it ready anymore. But I can do that myself. I know where he keeps it, the password everything.
I can’t ask him to change that still because it’s his house.
I don’t know what to do.

I am literally in the same boat :persevere: my friends my family my whole circle of people love weed and I am normally the contact to sort everything and since I’ve tried to quit it’s like there pissed at me I don’t know what the fuck to do I feel your pain and wish I could help all I want to get across is your not alone i know how you feel stay strong we will figure this shit out :100:

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You don’t know what to do?
You say no to yourself. Not the easiest thing to do but it’s what you have to do.
Be strong, and resolute.
No one makes you do anything.


If only it’s that easy.


It’s not always possible to remove all sources of temptation. You still have to be able to say no to the opportunities that are left. It’s smart to do what you can to be tested as seldom as possible, but it still comes down to you in the end. You can learn to say no to yourself.

If you really can’t, you could consider taking advantage of rehab as a safe environment in which to develop the tools you need.

As an intermediate step between those, is there perhaps any way of making it really difficult to get your DOC from your brother?

Edit: There are quite a few threads around, along the lines of “My significant other drinks”, where people have discussed challenges relating to having trivially easy access to their DOC through the people in their life. Perhaps one of those might interest you for a read, you could have a search.


@anon12657779 is right. You are going to have to choose to say no.

You’re also right. It’s not just that easy. You’re going to have to really want to say no, more than anything you’ve ever wanted.

I never got into drugs like that, so I may be coming from a different place, but what we do have in common, and what you have in common with everyone here, is that you can get your drug of choice from anyone, anywhere, anytime.

I drank. The guy at the liquor store doesn’t know me, so he wouldn’t tell me no. My husband still drinks, we have beers “hidden” in the house -he wasn’t so good at hiding things when I asked him to, so I have access to those. I have friends who still drink and I have just spent less time with them.

If there is a will, there is a way -but it’s a two way street. You need to choose for yourself which way you want to go.


It is that easy, sometimes the easiest solution is the hardest to implement, especially when you’ve ingrained something as a coping mechanism.

If you say no to the only person that matters in your sobriety, you’ll succeed and stay sober.


My dealer was my friend and boss at the time. You think they are your friend but wait til you stop communicating as much. You will hardly know each other . I still see my old boss but we are no where near as close of friends anymore . Just loose the number. You will gain much better friends that are there for you durring your sober journey…


Speaking of coping mechanisms (thank you @CaptAZ), now is a good time to learn healthy ones. Instead of sitting at home white-knuckling and ready to burst, there are things you can do instead that make it easier to go through. There’s tons.

Some examples:

  • Tell someone about your craving who will understand
  • Play the tape forward. Be brutally honest with yourself about exactly what all the results will be if you use.
  • Find something that will distract you, even just for a few minutes
  • Find an recovery meeting (like NA for example, but there are other options)
  • Review your reasons why you quit
  • Make a gratitude list to change gears
  • Go for a run or some other type of exercise. Travelling in the opposite direction of your DOC can be especially effective.

I’ll refrain from a full list because there are so many, I’d just be slapping a wall of text down that no one would read. You get the idea.

I don’t think I would be sober today if I only stopped coping with alcohol, without instating new coping skills.


Oh but it is.
I am an alcoholic! I am surrounded by my doc daily. Not in my house, but it’s in the shop, it’s in the pub. I can go places and buy drink.
I work on my own and always drank at work. I had to stop myself from doing that.
No one there to stop me but me.
You can do it.


No one ever said recovery was easy. Life didn’t give us an EASY BUTTON like the Staples commercial. It’s going to boil down to do you want sobriety or not. My cousin was my drug dealer and when I decided enough was enough, that was it. I’m in no way saying my cutting them out of my life is the same as cutting your brother out, but at first that’s what you’ll need to do. Does he know you’re trying to quit? If not, tell him. Check yourself into a rehab if possible to detox. Dealing with addiction with tools in your toolbox is way easier than saying no with drugs still in your system. If you’re having a tough time saying no, come here first. Tell us about it. Let us help you. You don’t have to do this alone. NEVER CRAVE ALONE


Go to rehab


This means so much, thank you :slight_smile:

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I’m a alcoholic too, drugs are worse for me. I’m going to AA meetings (I like them better then NA) I see a counsellor ever week who was a addict/alcoholic that’s bred helping a lot I just have that temptation to pick it up still.
I know what it does to me but it’s hard to give up.
At first I was worried about the future about “I’m so young I won’t be able to party again”
Right now I can’t go to places with beer or weed, those are my two weakness.
I’m finding this site helping. There is some negativity but in a good way!!
Thank you for commenting and helping me out!!


You’re welcome!

These are fantastic things to be doing, I’m happy to hear this. Yeah, sobriety can definitely be a hard walk at times, but the good news is that it’s never too hard, no matter what the voice tells you.

I’m guessing when you say “negativity but in a good way” you’re referring to “tough love”, correct me if I’m wrong. At the beginning I found it difficult to take the tough love I was given (I got pretty upset actually), but it has gotten easier over time as I felt more settled, and learned to see how much value! there was in it. Sometimes it’s hard to hear, but also necessary.

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Tough love is right!
You seem like you would be a amazing sponsor, you seem very positive and I really like that.
It’s hard I’ve been smoking pot since I was 16 and none stop since I was 18. Drinking something. I noticed when I’m not smoking I’m drinking and vice versa!
I have to give up both at the same time which is probably harder!!

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I really have quite a lot of work to do on myself before I’d be good sponsor material, but I think I get your meaning, and thank you for saying that :slight_smile:

Yeah you do see lots of substances go hand-in-hand with alcohol. You’re not alone in that though, there are lots of people around to talk to who’ve lived or are living that struggle, that’s the great thing about doing recovery in community.

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Hi there,

A lot of people here have simultaneously given up drugs and alcohol. My experience of sobriety is from both. You’ll find your strength to give up both become stronger when you take on the root cause of the problem why you drink and use in the first place. I am sober from alcohol, heroin, cocaine and cannabis - Alcohol was the go to but I gave them all up at the same time and my only major cravings are alcohol.

It’s really just about how you approach it, what plan you have in place and what support you surround yourself with :slight_smile: Whatever your plan, stick to it and all the best. :slight_smile:


Well I buy from ebay, pharmacies and then theres alcohol available everywhere. I will never be able to run away from all temptation but I will always be able to say no

Sorry that you’re having to deal with that :flushed:. Sounds stressful, I literally cut all my ties and moved so it’s different but I know full well if I wanted to get them back… I could and would but I can’t :confused: it will just kill me in the end.
Maybe make a new friend? Who iisnt replacing your best friend but is replacing your need in that moment to contact them… Instead of him. A sponser support. He can still be your best friend. But not your turn too. Xx

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