So I’ve been talking about going to meetings for months, and I finally made the leap this morning.
What was holding me back was that I’ve never hit this crazy rock bottom that’s so common in addicts. I’ve never been fully addicted to anything “hardcore,” but rather I compulsively engaged in any substance/behavior that numbed me out emotionally - drinking, smoking, compulsively scrolling through Facebook, and incessantly picking my skin (every day for 11 years), as well as any drug that happened to fall into my lap.
I kept falling into holes of suicidal depression, until I realized last week that I wasn’t conquering my depression because I was numbing my feelings with a variety of tactics rather than leaning into them and working through them.
So I finally went to my first meeting this morning, and it was amazing. But I somehow feel like a poser? Should I define myself as an addict? Have I somehow not earned the right to attend these meetings? I feel a little lost and confused… All I know is I desperately want to be in a sober community.
You are absolutely not a poser. I was lucky enough that in my first small group meeting we had the whole spectrum of alcoholics, and the one i remember most was the lady who just felt like her few glasses of wine every couple days was out of hand and decided she wanted to go 100% sober. It was her definition of a problem to her, and that was that. I had questioned whether or not i was a fraud too in the beginning, but just because you haven’t hit rock bottom and lost everything everything doesn’t mean your sobriety means anything less. What all members of AA have in common is their commitment to sobriety. If you are committed to caring for and loving yourself enough to take back control, then you are just as legit as the next guy.
Define alcoholism and recovery for yourself. Everyone’s situation is different. Alcoholics who did hit the bottom are not going to judge you, they’re going to be happy for you for taking control sooner than they could or did, and they will be just as supportive if you struggle. No comparisons, no competition. If you get negativity from someone, run. They are not committed and they will try to bring you down with them.
This is a great place. I’ve been on the forum almost two weeks and find it immensely helpful. I know my days aren’t as dark as some ppl’s are, but they’re MY days and sometimes i struggle. Have YOUR days, and don’t feel bad for not having it worse. In fact, bravo for picking up on a problem BEFORE it got to the point of destroying you.
Analogy: feeling bad about getting sober/going to meetings and not being “more alcoholic” is like feeling bad for exercising bc you’re not morbidly obese.
And don’t worry about labeling yourself. Someday a label might click for you, but in the meantime you do you. Don’t force it if it doesn’t help you overcome problems. For some people, admitting they have a problem requires them to categorize themselves so they can fully own the problem. Others don’t need it.
Wow, you are ABSOLUTELY right! Thank you so much. Somehow I felt bad about seeking help without having destroyed my life, but the truth is that if continued down that path I very well might have taken my own life.
That was so reassuring. This forum has been incredible for me these past few days… I feel encouraged and ready to hit my next meeting tomorrow
And it’s just now occurring to me that I can’t get caught up in what other people think of my journey… Because it’s mine and no one else’s. I can draw encouragement and wisdom from other’s experiences, but the second I start comparing myself to others I’ll lose focus on the true purpose of this journey.
I myself have hit more than one bottem, and boy do I wish I would have gotten help before I had to go through those trying times… I’m going to tell you this though, you dont have to hit bottem if you can see what’s coming. You can see where you’re headed and what’s going to happen. Why risk going there when you can catch what’s going on now, ya know. Like for me personally, I didn’t get sober and stay sober my first go round. It’s taken me many times to actually get where im at today. But you don’t have to go through what I went through. You can catch it now before things worsen… And I can say this, if you keep using, things will only get worse!
In meetings, look for the similarities, not the differences. You don’t want to compare yourself right out the rooms. Labels are just that, a label. You don’t have to label yourself as an addict, but maybe one day you will. Maybe you won’t, doesn’t matter. Keep going to meetings, find the serious sober people and I bet you won’t be judged. Keep up the good work, you have an amazing future ahead of you. Don’t use, go to meetings, and do the next right thing.
@Gabe.G I’m so grateful to finally begin this journey.
@Courtney_Smith I’m going to practice gratitude for catching myself rather than feel guilty about not having it worse. The group I’ve found is full of strong, motivated, inspiring people who don’t ask a single question about what I’ve done or how much, but welcome me as a newcomer with open arms and lots of hugs. Thank you for the support!!
