So my ex bf got arrested for cooking meth about four years ago (thats when i got sober from that so thats how i remember) and hes out of prison a bit earlier than expected for good behavior i think. For a bit more context i found out i was pregnant a week after he got arrested, and it was an ectopic pregnancy so i lost the baby 2 weeks later when my fallopian tube ruptured. A mutual friend of ours picked me up from the hospital after i left ama cause a nurse told me “your kid is better off dead then with a junkie like you for a mom” cause i had bad veins from iv use and they had a hard time getting an iv in me. So it was a very traumatic day for me and i never told him i was pregnant cause i had no idea what i was gonna do and then i lost the baby. I wanted to tell him, but in person at some point when he got out.
Anyways he called me the other day. And turns out our mutual friend who picked me up from the hospital told him about my pregnancy and loss. And he was pissed and yelled at me over the phone, i tried to explain i was gonna tell him but i didnt want to do it over the phone (he was arrested late 2019 so covid started pretty soon after i miscarried). I called him a selfish asshole and he told me he agreed with that nurse, that the kid was better off dead than with me as its mother. Fuck that hurt. I hung up on him and blocked him after that. I get why hes mad but i had a plan to tell him and our “friend” was a dick for telling my ex before me. It was my news, my loss, my emergency surgery, me losing half my reproductive system (they removed my right ovary and tube cause of the damage), my story. Not his to tell. Mine. Just fuck. Im so mad and i feel betrayed and hurt and so many things.
Things happen for a reason. First and foremost sorry for your loss. If he was in jail and you’re recovering from drug use, it’s better to make sure u are healthy and well mentally and physically before having a baby. Also make sure the father isn’t incarcerated. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m married to a alcoholic that is soon going to be a ex because of his refusal of help. Our children had suffered from endless arguments and I also grew up with a drug addict father. Point being don’t bring children into this world unless both parents are totally committed for life to give that child the best life possible. Again sorry for your loss
Oh we were not trying for a kid. It just happened. I wasnt sure if i wanted to keep the baby or not, then i lost it. That was late 2019/jan 2020 so its been a while. That why he was so pissed cause i went this whole time not telling him
I understand him mad you didn’t tell him,but u also wanted to tell him in person. Still doesn’t give him the right to agree with that nurse. Which I’m a RN nurse for 15 years and I would have never said that to a patient. That nurse should have been fired. I hope u are taking care of yourself and staying drug free that’s the main focus.
And keep that EX you’re EX keep him blocked seems to me correct me if I’m wrong but seems like u got clean after he was in jail so stay far away from whoever you use to hang out with when you were using. Block them all if you have to. Best of luck and congrats on staying clean for life💓
Oh man I am so sorry hun! First and most importantly, sending you a hug. It sounds like you could use one right now! How cruel for that nurse to say that to you. I can relate, I had one tell me it’s “better that I lost mine. She was a mistake.” And even years later I remember the sting. I couldn’t imagine being in your shoes and needing emergency surgery while also going through a miscarriage and being told your kid is better off dead! What is WRONG with people?
Hearing from an ex is stressful too. I understand why you say you feel like an emotional wreck! I also agree that the “mutual friend” was very wrong for sharing YOUR story.
I’m here if you wanna vent
I’m sorry you have to go trough all this. Can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. All that to deal with all alone. And all that while staying clean! Respect!
Glad you got into a hospital on time!
I understand that you would like to share this story with him in person but I was wondering where you not allowed to visit him in prison?
Have you told that “friend” of your opinion about telling your ex about your pregnancy and all?
I would if I where you! Setting your boundaries towards him ore her as well as to your ex seems to me as a good thing to do right now.
I think you are doing great despite the circumstances Amanda, your not an emotional wreck. You are a warrior!
Its not that i wasnt allowed to visit him in prison, but he was arrested December 2019 and was in until last week. Covid fucked up a lot of visiting protocol amd having at that point recently quit drugs i didnt want to see him. I thought maybe if he changed then when he got out, when we would both be more stable, we could have a real conversation about everything. But that isnt gonna happen any time soon.
And yeah im gonna deal with said friend sometime in the near future. Just wanna collect my thoughts before i just lash out angrily cause i have 0 nice things to say rn.
What is WRONG with people?
