I was in a 17 year relationship with my children’s father and he cheated on me multiple times. He was abusive emotionally and psychologically. I tried so hard to make it work for years. He even cheated on me with my own brother! He was on heroin, meth and drank for many years and used that as an excuse for his mis behavior. I sent him to multiple rehabs and helped him get clean for our family and it finally started to look like things were going to be ok he was sober for about a year and a half. The damage was done though! The images were in my head and i couldn’t get them out. I started to drink to take away the pain i was feeling and the thoughts that were going through my head! It got so bad i couldnt even be near him without my stomach turning. I didnt think i could fall out of love with someone i had been with for 17 years and was the father of my children but i did and i felt even moment of it! I drank so much to take the thoughts and pain away that i would black out so i wouldnt even remember being in the same room with him. After about a year of drinking everyday straight liquor to the head i got a dui and i finally woke up and told myself what was i doing that i needed to get it together and get right for myself and my kids! I got clean and sober left the father of my children and got sober for 7 months but relapsed the other day and now have to start all over. But am ready to get it right again!
There is lots of support here for you to get back on track. It sounds like you have started to. I’m sorry that you relapsed. It shows that you just joined but the welcome to the site banner isn’t popping up here or on your first post. Welcome to the site! Welcome to a site with a lot of support and many helpful threads. Many find that daily accountability is very helpful. I am sorry for all that you have gone through and grateful and proud of you for getting past it away from that alcohol and getting your life together again I’m sorry that you relapsed and glad that you’ve made the decision to get back on track. The help for you is here.
Whatever you did to help you the first time around is something for you to think about the go round.
Big hugs, you are not alone.
You have support and understanding here.
Thank you so much! 
Welcome to the forum Rosie. You’ll find many wonderful people here who are willing to share experience, and listen when you need to vent.
There are no shortcuts to recovery but it is very achievable to anyone. You can do this. You deserve a sober, happy, healthy life. Best wishes.
Thank you so much
You had 7 months, so you know what works for you and what not. That maybe makes it a bit easier for you, at least it was for me.
Glad you made some good but difficult desicions to get your life into a better direction.
Let’s go!! 
Welcome!! I’m glad to see you’re focusing on you 
you deserve happiness and love, and im glad you know it’s not going to be found at the bottom of a bottle
What’s your plan for the next time you’re tempted? What’d you learn from this relapse?
Hi, Rosa. How are you?
I celebrated 30 years in recovery from alcohol and cocaine on April 9. You can make this, girl. Nobody said any of us have to like what we need to do to work a recovery program and avoid relapses. People may say the ones who relapse and admit it and start over have courage. While that may be a true statement, the real courage is demonstrated by those who face daily problems, disasters and crises and they DON’T relapse.
I have been cheated on by women in my life. I was married to one of them. It hurts so badly that words fail me to describe how it feels. I divorced my wife when I found out she was having sex with someone else. There’s no more trust once that happens. The relationship is destroyed by the cheater.
It took me 2-3 years to get over that failed relationship. I blamed myself for being stupid and not figuring out there was a problem before marrying her. The fact is I had to learn some hard and painful lessons. Years later i worked with a therapist for four years on improving my behavior so my relationships with women were healthier and so I could make better decisions in choosing whom I would be intimate with.
So I feel real empathy for you, Rosa. Because I’ve been through the cheating and felt the pain and humiliation and low self esteem. I hope you’ll choose to reach out to a professional to help you explore yourself. Even if it’s only for six months, the right person can help lead you to discover some answers about healthy thinking. The right therapist asks questions, they don’t dispense advice unless it’s necessary. They lead you to self discovery and they validate your real self worth. And in your path to recovery from alcoholism, self worth is a rare commodity until you’ve learned to find it. And I know you can do that, Rosa.
We recover self worth that was removed by our own personal history of experiences, going back all the way to our childhood. And when we drink, we reinforce a self image that reflects we are worthless. We ruminate about our perceived failures. The pain from this overwhelming feeling of worthlessness is shame, and the pain of shame becomes so great we feel our only option for relief is to drink (or use).
I hope you’ll stay on The Road To Happy Destiny, Rosa. Trust me on this, Rosa, the road can get challenging, but unless it’s going to kill you, this day’s challenges can be handled. Keep your headlights pointed at what’s on your plate today. Not on yesterday or on tomorrow. Just today. And make a daily plan to help you avoid relapse. If you believe in God then you can remind yourself of something I have experienced first hand. I have foresaken God in the past, but He never turned His back on me. He has always taken care of me even when bad things were happening to me. If you believe in this way you can survive anything without relapsing.
Your words really touched me! Thank you so much. i believe in everything you said because my childhood also comes out when i drink. I do believe i need a good therapist. I go to councling right now but for drug and alcohol. I really would like to speak with a professional therapist but i dont really have the funds i am having a hard time financially right now i am financially struggling my ex wont help with anything. I am doing my best to hang in there and stay afloat. I really appreciate the kind words thank you 
Thank you! Well i learned its not the answer to my problems and it definitely wont fix my problems.
Thank you!
Welcome Rosie! This is a wonderful support system. There’s always someone here to listen and support you with empathy.
I was in a seven year relationship with someone that cheated, gaslit, and constantly lied. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. The pain was so intense I drank daily and a lot.
Through therapy I learned that he weaponized my compassion and empathy to control and manipulate me. You’re not alone.
Be proud of yourself for having the strength to take the steps to get sober.
90% of therapy is about you talking, good news for you is we are hear to listen and it’s free.
You might want to take the advice with a pinch of salt, we’re all crazy addicts 
Thank you so much
Again…another great share!!
Remeber, sobriety isnt a lateral line. It has ups and downs. Some lower than others. I drank to drown my trauma and the deep deep depression it brought me during an abusive time too. Remeber: if youre still trying and youre still here, you’re not struggling with depression… depression is struggling with you. 
Get back on your feet. You got this.
Thank you