Good evening all,
want to share some on my codependency and alcoholism.
Today I had a meeting with the psychiatrist I see for childhood stuff (abuse) and my current situation of being chronically ill and it’s consequences.
I have had much to cope with (well who has not… right?) But always managed on a set of good brains and strong body to built a sober and ‘good’ life for myself. since chronic disease changed all perspective I lost my job, moved from the city to a small town, left behind everything and everyone I knew. Back to my roots and back to also the environment that caused me to be so traumatised. And it is not after you loose all that all patterns seem to arise and stuff comes to the surface. I come from a family line of alcoholics and all of a sudden it grasped me also. entangled in that web and I feel its strengt. The thing that makes me drink is actually social contact and eg meetings, therapy etc… I have been clean now for a while and today was a test. lots of stress, traffic, therapy and this voice sneaking up giving me the option out… saying that reaching out and sharing makes it worse (I have been reading in here into co dependency a lot lately)
Today I felt this emotional burden of family trauma and abuse and alcoholism as an escape and for a moment did not feel it as to being the choice of freedom. but being the same dominating part in my life not seeing me for me, not accepting me, it was like a wave coming over me. One that hit me hard. For today I am going to stay abstinent and hope I will meet some people walking with me in the same struggle. Love!
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I am in the same struggle of addiction though nine is to drugs, I don’t relate on the other issues I’m afraid but I just wanted to let you know that your not alone.
Just incase I haven’t said so before, welcome to the forum. 
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Thank you mr pants 
guess we are all just walking each other home only sometimes have to be reminded of that!
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It’s Gareth, pants is my middle name.