I woke up middle of the night to panic attack.
I saw nightmares which actually wasn’t nightmares. They were real.
I started remember what i did when i was wasted a few days ago.
Rememberd how i embarrassed myself in front of everyone. I couldn’t recognize the person who was aggressive, stumbled everywhere, said stupid things and hurt someone’s feelings. Normally i’m a little bit shy and very kind. Just opposite of what i am when i’m drunk.
The guilt and shame is awful. It eats me every second. It feels like i can’t breathe. The world ends now. Unfortunately i have to take responsibility of my actions, not to hide. It’s my fault, i did this to myself. Didn’t chose to become addict, but now i can only try to be the best version of myself and keep going. I’m really scared, but i wont drink alcohol anymore. I made my decision.
I’m going to keep writing here how my journey goes…
If you have any tips for me or if someone is also on the same page, please let me know. We all need love and support.
I think it’s amazing that you’re taking accountability for your actions. Many people go through life without it and I feel it cripples them on an entirely different level.
This may feel like an intimidating and terrifying step forward, but it’s truly exciting and so much joy and success awaits you ahead.
You’ve got this 
Welcome to TS! Here is a great place for as you stated–love & support.
Tips on living life differently… For me I still go to meetings (AA/NA), I come here daily to see if I can help a fellow alcoholic/addict with something and I try to live life daily & not future trip.
And of course I stay the fuck out of bars, clubs, drunk/dopefest parties or other places that may have triggers.
Lastly, I found a higher power that makes sense to me, and I thank it daily for guiding me out of hell.
Hugs & so glad you’re here!
We all start somewhere. Just realize this is the first day of your new life. It does suck… but we are here together.
Thank you all💗 it really means a lot that you guys took the time and read my story and told me your thoughts.
Today it’s been 3 days sober.
Trying so hard to keep my focus on what i’m doing, not what i’ve done. Still feeling anxious time to time. But exercise helps and you guys.
today i made a list of “different ways to survive” when i feel i wanna drink or i get anxiety.
i also thought about my dreams and everything good what can happen if i stop drinking.
(I also apologize because sometimes my english is not so good. But hope u guys understand me)
We understand it. I think your English is great.
English is not my native language too, it makes me insecure too sometimes. But my experience here is that most of the time everyone understands. And if not they ask 
So keep talking 
What helps me when I worry to much about the futere ore look back to much to the past is this:
Maybe it helps you too. And yes: distraction helps! I walked a lot in the beginning of my recovery and it still is a big part of it today.
Welcome here and I hope to see you around often, it helps to be here much 
Don’t beat yourself up over it. You recognize your behavior when you’re drinking and now you’re making changes by not drinking. Believe me, you’re not alone. My last drunken episode I got into a fight at my friend’s house in front of his mother, aunt, brother, nephew and small children. I came home with a black eye. I was 58 years old acting like a fool!! That was only two years ago. 
It’s been about ten days without booze.
I’m so thirsty and i want to take a little sip.
I didn’t know my addiction was this bad. It really surprised me because i kinda hoped i exaggerated the whole thing.
I noticed i have had mood swings, nausea and problems with sleeping.
Nightmares are the worst.
Every night i wake up to a nightmare where i’m drinking alcohol and then something awful happens and i’m so upset how did this happen cuz i supposed to be sober.
There’s shame, anger and fear in my nightmares. When i finally wake up in the morning it takes time before i realize it was just a nightmare, i wasn’t really drinking