I have a very busy and stressful career. My days of distraction are usually 10-12 hours of non stop thinking and decision making. By the time I get home to my family my brain is tired and I pour into their day and getting us ready for tomorrow. Weekends are always busy with kid stuff and chores and other obligations. My first 80 days of sobriety have flown by…not always easy, but quick.
But I was pushing my stress limit and decided to take 5 days off over spring break to relax…and my first thought on the way home from work was that maybe I could get a bottle of wine. It surprised me how irritated I was that I couldn’t . Then later out to dinner I was so upset I couldn’t order wine I wanted to leave. It’s like I finally have to face this, no more distraction, and I am just so angry I can’t have alcohol even though I know 100% I don’t want it. Why am I so angry at my decision to be sober?
For me, it’s the lack of a shortcut to the easy way out. Bad day at work, drink. Worse day at work, drink. Work so bad I debate jumping out the window, drink.
I never had to address the feelings and the why I was feeling aggrivated or angry. Vodka took care of them.
Dealing with life on life’s terms isn’t always easy and it requires more work, but the reward is far better than anything vodka could provide.
You’ve bought into the big lie, like we all have at some point. This lie is “I can’t drink like a “normal person” and because I am sober, I cannot live life to the fullest. I can’t socialize like everyone else. I can’t relax like everyone else”…or something to that effect.
Wanna hear my version? " I am a grown man. A veteran. I served long, and I served during time of war. I should be able to take a drink if I want to".
The thing is, I can drink if I want to. You can drink if you want to. Drinking is a choice. Sobriety is a choice. We may choose the latter out of necessity from say health or legal issues, or out of a desire not to “hit bottom” or wreck a relationship, or lose a job, etc.
It took understanding the lies, and where I stand in relation to them, for me to choose and fully commit to sobriety. I stood at the fork in the road. I looked at where drinking was taking me, and I looked at where sobriety would take me. Drinking was the easy path, but it lead to a bad place. Sobriety was the harder path, but it leads to a better place. This is the truth.
I choose sobriety. I choose LIFE! My choice…100% No regrets. No retreat. No surrender.
In giving up alcohol, I have gained everything, and have lost nothing. That’s the way I see it.
I didn’t have a chance to reply back then but your post did help me through my feelings of indecision, then and now I reread this thread today because I am still struggling with never drinking again. Had a happy hour at work and was considering just one drink to join in. The only reason I didn’t was I got called away right after I arrived and had to leave. I always come back to this forum to give me insight and motivation. I am at 100 days today but still have to make the decision daily. Thanks for the support!
You are 100 % right- I want it to be easy…whose got time to sort out their feelings all the time😒, this sounds horrible to me, however necessary! Drinking has stunted my ability to deal with my feelings and I get so irritated that I have to figure this out, but I have faith I will, in time.
In social settings, if you want to “join in” and feel out-of-place without a glass in hand, then put a glass in your hand. Just put something non-alcoholic in the glass.
Socializing is about the people, not what they are holding, and not what the glass is holding. You participate fully with your presence and what you contribute. Not what you consume.
I think you may still be thinking of drinking as a treat or something you deserve for a success or retreat to for a set back or stress relief. It is actually none of those things. It is a substance that dulls your reality so you do not have to be 100% present and feel your feelings.
Until I really looked at what I was drinking at, I was unable to let go of my old narrative. I already knew what drinking held for me…but who was I 100% sober 100% of the time…that person I hadn’t seen since I was 15. It was time to meet myself and boy, it was hard to get there, but we’ll worth it. Truly acknowledging the lengths I would go to to hide from my SELF was a life shift. No lie, I still like to check out (food, binge watch, online). Work in progress. But once you find the why behind the drinking, it can help.
I genuinely admire and look up to people like you, I’m almost at 10 days sober and felling better physically and mentally every day, reading experiences and opinions posted by people like yourself is giving me strength, knowledge and motivation to stay sober and fight the everyday battle. I CHOOSE to stay sober.
I reread this thread today because I am still struggling with never drinking again. Had a happy hour at work and was considering just one drink to join in. The only reason I didn’t was I got called away right after I arrived and had to leave. I always come back to this forum to give me insight and motivation. I am at 100 days today but still have to make the decision daily. Thanks for the support!