My friend and I would text or talk daily. I told him last Wednesday I was done drinking and getting back on the sober train.
He supports me. He encouraged me and reminded me how I’ve done this before. He told me he loved me and that he’d text me in the morning, and I never heard from him.
Finally tonight I sent a text about the Dodgers game and he responded (I was worried something had happened to him). But I can tell he’s avoiding me.
He’s still actively drinking and he’s got some health problems that may be a result of drinking, not confirmed.
I’m completely crushed that he doesn’t reach out to me anymore. This is so unlike him. I assume he feels guilty contacting me while he’s drinking. I assume he thinks this is what’s best for me, but it hurts so bad.
How do you handle this and continue to be sober?
6 Likes
Any friend that truly supports you on your goals wouldn’t turn their backs on you. Actions speak louder than words. I have friends like this that have done the same and I see their true colors for who they truly are. Sobriety brings out the truth in people
2 Likes
Yeah it hurts when friends distance themselves. Communicating this to him might help… you’re doing alot of assuming without actually knowing, maybe give him a call or send a message and chat with him about it x
3 Likes
Yes, it could be his way of trying to protect you. Additionally, if he is an active alcoholic he either knows or he is sub consciously aware. Go to an AA meeting or something and see if he wants to tag along. No secret motive or anything, see if he is willing to support you like that. He may even get something out of it. If he says no, then you can start questioning why he is avoiding you. Just focus on sobriety if that is your ultimate goal. It’s truly the most important thing. Sobriety comes first and foremost.
1 Like
Ask him. One thing I’ve learnt about sobriety is being honest with ourselves and others is far better than worrying and wanting to drink our woes away. You may not like the answer but at least you can move on and concentrate on your recovery.
He may well be avoiding you out of respect for your decision and if that’s the case you can tell him what you need and would like from your relationship in the future. Whatever happens put your sobriety first bc everything else always falls into place as and when it should.
4 Likes
It sounds like you mention he may have drinking issues too and isnt ready to deal with them, we all know how hard it is to come to that realisation.
Maybe him avoiding you is more about himself than you.
At the same time he understands that a drinking environment isnt the right one for you.
Id say dont give it too much thought staright away and see how it plays out.
Just because your not speaking as regularly doesnt mesn you have lost a friends and spending time worrying and trying to figure it out is using alot of energy you need right now.
Let him know your there for him and that you value your friendship. Thats all you can do then concentrate on your sobriety your doing well. 
Iv lost friends becoming sober.
2 Likes
He’ll be hiding out for his own reasons, not to protect you.
Tell your friend what you need and want from him. He won’t know unless you do. He might not be able to give it if he can’t stand to be confronditng with his own alcoholism, but that not within your control. Talk to him.
1 Like
I am sorry you are hurting 
. In the end, you can’t read his mind about why he is doing this, and often what people do is less about you and more about them. I guess all you can do if focus on your own sobriety.
2 Likes
Hmmm. I have avoided sober people while drinking a lot. Does not mean I didnt love them. Just kept putting alcohol first because that was all I knew. It was not even a conscious decision most of the time. I just wanted to keep drinking at all costs. It was not until I got siber that I realized how many people I had been avoiding.
4 Likes