I’m hoping someone can give me some advice on how to deal with this… my ex wife and i had a 8y relationship. In the last 2 years things went downhill and she had contact with a guy living a few doors down the road. I knew the guy thrue a mutual friend and we regularly had some drinks all together. The guy had other feelings for my wife than she wanted to believe… at some point he shared his feelings for her wich confirmed my suspicions. I never wanted to be the jealous husband but the contact was to much for me and made me feel uncomfortable. After some discussion with my wife I asked her to end the contact altogether because she kept saying that he accepted the fact that she was unavailable and that they were just good friends (sorry to the women on here but there aint no way a guy listens to a girl’s issues and whatever after sharing his feelings for her without a hidden agenda)
In the months following she repeatedly told me she had not heard of him whatsoever since I asked her to end this thing.
I accepted her answer but I felt that it wasn’t true. I tried to supress the feeling telling myself i just needed time to regain trust.
At some point i noticed her using snapchat, we never used snapchat with any of our mutual friends so I casually asked her why she had it.
She answered that she only used it with her brother… as much as I wanted to believe her, i felt the gut wrenching feeling it had something to do with the overly friendly neighbour.
At some point 2-3 weeks later she asked me to take a picture with her phone and I couldn’t resist the urge to open the snapchat app… the weeks prior I could not function decently because of the constant toughts going through my head about why she had that app…
My gut feeling was right. It seemed she had daily conversations with him on this app. When I confronted her she denied that and claimed she rarely spoke to him and if they did it was just a heads up on how the other was doing…. Again I tried to believe her with the idea that the feelings were not mutual and whatever his intentions were, she saw him as a friend. But I couldn’t anymore… it consumed me and i fel deeper and deeper into my cocaine habbit not knowing how to mentally handle this situation. At this point we had a 9m old boy so I wanted to get thrue this so we could give him a stable childhood as a family. Ofcourse we couldn’t have that stability with me not trusting my wife and myself having a drug addiction…
Some months later I felt my addiction got out of hand and I wanted to get out of it. I figured that being honest about it to my family and friends would help me get out of the secrecy of being under influence and would make me stay away from it more because everyone would know i was vulnerable for it.
After doing so i did not get the response that I hoped for in some way. I knew that some people would be upset with me for getting into this situation. That I could understand and respect, I realised i was wrong and should not have used… but what happened was that i would open up to someone i felt comfortable with and shared my feelings and actions from the past few days/weeks whatever.
Apparently those conversations didn’t stay private but got shared amongs my friends and family. At one point i had a friend sitting on my couch asking how i was doing when he got a incoming phone call from my mother asking how I appeared and if he thought i had done any drugs.
These things happened more than once and when I asked anyone about these conversations they completely denied having contact with one another.
Since all this i am experiencing serious bursts of paranoia and anxiety which trigger me into using more because i dont know how to handle this situation. I know that the answer is stop using and they dont have any reason to keep doing this but I feel i am in a constant viscous cycle that keeps this going. I finally contacted someone to get professional help but last week another one of these contacts among people who never had any contact with each other popped up. People who i felt safe with had been told about my condition by someone…
I don’t know how to handle this anymore