Has anyone ever been in a relationship and both got sober? I haven’t come across many couples who have. But we are both ready to make this happen!! Any advice?
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I’ve not, but might advise something that’s good to keep in mind in general: Always focus on my own recovery. And to desire sobriety for myself for the big picture good that comes with it, not only one relationship.
That’s gotta be triply true in the case of a relationship. While surely it’s good to be able to back each other up, it’s really important to bear in mind we can only control our own sobriety.
Results have been better for everyone when I’m keeping me sober and growing. Not meddling with others other than to be supportive of what they ask for theirs. This is how I stay of best service to those I care most about.
That said, I think that’s rad and wishing you both the best!
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That’s great that both of you are ready to make this change! I have seen a few couples come here to help get sober, not sure if any are still active. 
My advice is this. Get sober for you and you alone. It’s great that your partner wants to get sober too, that will make your relationship that much stronger, but when we hang our sobriety on someone else’s shelf, where does that leave us when that shelf is gone?
If your partner falls off the wagon, don’t jump off yourself. Pick them back up and help them back up. Same goes for them. As a couple, we tend to let the other influence our decisions and behavior, can’t let that happen with sobriety; hence doing it for yourself.
Be patient: quitting alcohol and/or drugs causes stress both mentally and physically due to withdrawals. You both may be on edge and stress levels may be very high! It’s best to figure out some coping mechanisms to manage the stress. Meditation, walking, exercise, alone time, and indulging in sweets helped me through some tough times.
Enjoy the ride! It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Being sober, as a couple, you will both grow and mature together and figure out what life is really all about together 
And hang out here! I’ve been coming here almost daily and been sober for over 3 years, it’s no coincidence!
Wish you both well on your journey.
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Might add to that, for stuff like meetings or other group support something I’ve seen old, married couples in AA do: They have maybe one meeting they like to go to together, and others that they like to go to alone.
They’re old and sober, so guess that helps! 
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My hubby and I are currently doing this. There are extra challenges to be honest. Even though we are both wanting to be clean and sober, I still focus on my own recovery and do what I need to do for my sobriety. It gets challenging when one of us wants to use. Then we end up sometimes feeding off each other’s urges. To be honest, I’m usually the one who makes hints at using when I have a craving. So now that I know this, I am working on not bringing it up. If I have an urge to use, I’ll step out and work out or go for a walk etc so that I am not near him so that I don’t have the urge to bring up the fact that I want to use, which can sometimes (not all the time) lead to both of us using. It’s tricky being in recovery as a couple. My only real advice would be to stay focused on your own recovery. We have no control over anyone else but ourselves.
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My wife stopped drinking when I did. She never had a drinking problem though, she only drank because I drank.
She stayed sober for the first year with me and since then she will have a drink every once in a while. So it is possible! It really just boils down to commitment and you both need to truly want to do it.
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Your situation sounds pretty close to what we are going thru also. It’s one or the other. If I throw it out there, it’s pretty easy for her to go along with it, and vise versa. Everyone on here is right tho. Make sure your own sobriety doesn’t fall into jeopardy. You made some good points by just getting a little space when the urge is there. Definitely something we can use in the future. Thanks for your help I appreciate it
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We definitely want to do this. We have been talking abt it for a long time and just never put it into action. This is the first time I’ve actually made an effort to make it happen, instead of just sweeping it under the rug and worry abt it next time. We’ve been together 6yrs and it’s just progressively gotten worse.
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You’re very welcome! It can be done! I’ve known couples from back home who have gotten clean together and their relationship has improved etc. But like I said, there are extra challenges. I have my own recovery things that work for me, deep breathing, meditation, I’m more about support. Whereas he is not into that stuff. He just believes in saying no to it and staying focused at the task at hand (work etc). He’s more about distraction when having an urge to use. I don’t force my recovery stuff on him and vice versa. But ultimately it comes down to me as a person to say no. No matter what he does or doesn’t do, I have the choice wether or not to put a substance into my body. Thankfully we never use without one another so he doesn’t come home with drugs or he’s never intoxicated coming home. I think that would be incredibly hard to deal with trying to be clean and sober. I hope things work out for both of u in ur sobrieties 
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I actually just got off the phone with a mental health center. We are going on Monday to get things going. Being depressed cause we use and then use cause we are depressed. I definitely think it would help!
When I started my recovery journey (over 2 yrs ago) my husband who’s also an alcoholic and addict was full on board but he didn’t last long. I continued on without him and it was very challenging. He finally committed for good and our relationship is improving. I had to face the fact that I’m only responsible for myself and have no control what others do or don’t do.
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Hey man, it’s me again. I just starting navigating my way thru this app today. I was wondering what it meant when someone has “Patron” or “Regular” under there names. Haven’t figured that part out yet.
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Patron label is given to those who donate to financially support the forum and the server it runs on. They also get access to a special forum category. Info is here:
Basic vs Member vs Regular are part of the site’s automatic trust level system described here:
That affects everyone and different levels are granted different levels of permission. Designed to keep bots from running wild mostly.
Going from Basic to Member happens pretty fast if you’re active at all.
Regulars are more active and over a longer period of time. They also get a whole other hidden category to post on, and being trusted, some abilities to edit titles and categorize posts.
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It can come with challenges just like any addiction. My husband and I were quitting cigarettes and if one of us relapsed the other would use it as an excuse to do it too and it would just repeat on like that. As long as you guys are both focusing on your individual reasons and desires for the lifestyle change. It can be really helpful to have a partner that is going through it with you.
No, I’ve always been the lush lol. However, I’ve seen many successful couples go into AA together. Their sobriety was their own and tended to go to different meetings. Not sure if you’re an AA person or not, but if so, alanon might be a great supplement for you both as well. Congrats on you both making the decision to live a sober and healthy life!!