I’m not looking for attention, I just think it’s time to share my story.
I was 12 years old when my parents split. My dad ignored me for months on end, and I blamed myself. I fell into a deep depression. To this day, I sill suffer with severe anxiety and depression.
At 13, my friend took me to a party. I never drank, smoked, or did any type of drugs before this. She asked me to take shots with her. After a few, I was pretty buzzed, standing in the kitchen drinking my mixed drink alone. This guy I never met before comes over and starts talking to me. I was extremely uncomfortable from the start. He pulls out these pills, crushed them up, then snorts a line. I said no and kept asking me why. He then grabbed this bottle of black velvet, pours some into a shot glass, puts two pills in the shot glass, and tells me to take it. Again, I said no. He then got closer, squeezes my arm and told me I ‘better’ take the shot. Me being alone with this guy, I was scared and nobody was around to help me, so I took it. I continued to drink because I couldn’t believe that happened. Around 2:30AM, I could barely walk. I didn’t know anyone there because the only person I knew left me. The same guy that made me take the shot with the pills in it, told me it’s time for bed. He led me up to this random room, shut the door, locked it, and proceeded to rape me. I tried yelling for help, but he covered my mouth. To this day, I wont ever drink Black Velvet again.
Between ages 14 and 15, my depression worsened. I self harmed all of the time. I began snorting pills daily. I drank almost every night. I lost myself for some time. I don’t remember much of those years because I was always getting fucked up.
At 16, I dropped out of high school. I still couldn’t figure out what I was doing with my life. I wanted to end my life, every single day.
At age 17, I moved out of my moms. I didn’t have a job, or anything figured out. My roommate told me I had to get a job or I couldn’t live there anymore. So, I sobered myself up. Got clean, got a job at a preschool, paid my own bills, was doing great.
Age 18. One of the hardest years I’ve had yet. I tried killing myself, almost got out into the state hospital. I’m in therapy, and on medication now. I lost my job because I am too “mentally unstable.” I started self harming again. I began drinking again. I just let myself go, again.
I found another job, haven’t had a drop of alcohol in 6 days, and I haven’t self harmed in 3 weeks. I feel like things are looking up❤
Oh my God. …I am so f*ing sorry all of that happened to you. I am so proud of you for making these changes at such a young age. Although you’ve endured some real shit in your life you have such a great opportunity to start over and make life what you want. I am rooting for you.
Don’t be sorry, i look at it all as a learning experience. And thank you so so so much.
Thanks for sharing, I know that was difficult but exonerating at the same time. I’m sorry you experienced that, there is a special place in hell for people like that.
I want go into detail, but I had a similar experience as a young child with a sexual predator. I lashed out with alcohol and drugs in my teen years. I can’t say I know what you experienced and felt, but I can say your not alone.
You have my support and I’m sure the community is right behind me. You can heal and recover!
Thank you 
Thank you for sharing your story @Shay. I had similar experiences and related. Congrats on your your time! You can do this! 
@Shay thank you for sharing that very difficult story. My god you’ve been through so much already. But it’s clear that you absolutely need sobriety, or your life is at stake. Please get all the support you can. this forum, AA or other fellowships, an outpatient program, reading and videos. The great news is that you are young and have many years of sobriety to look forward to! (Unlike some of us who wasted decades to get to this point). Stay strong. 
Welcome @Shay.
Thankyou for being brave enough to share your story and journey… you are one tough cookie and I have so much respect for you after reading your post. You have been through some horrible times and experiences - there’s no denying that - and it sounds like just as you get up and running, something else knocks you down. I relate to that completely - it honestly knocks the stuffing out of you.
But that’s all in the past. Here you are, 6 days sober and no self harm in 3 weeks - well done. Hats off to you and I really hope this time, you continue to go from strength to strength. My feeling is you will 
It took a lot of courage to tell your story and its sounds like you have gone through alot trauma as a teen and I too had a tough upbringing, sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment.
I suffered from low self esteem, anger, depression & anxiety for many years, when I was younger and tried to relieve the pain with alcohol and it just makes you feel worse. Yes, it may numb the pain but it doesn’t help heal the pain.
I am glad to hear you are getting, back on your feet. My suggestion, if you are not already doing so, is find something you love to do or passionate about and try to focus on healthy things. Like working out, eating right, reading, painting, hiking, hanging out with positive people, journaling, find a church that suits your personality and i’m not preachy it’s just God healed my soul & gave me hope.
Believe me it took me to hit rock bottom in Sunny Las Vegas for me to find God in the land of the soulless. Please don’t allow those people who hurt you to control your life with suffering instead give all you pain over to God he can handle it for you.
I have been in more dark places, than I care to admit to, but once God opened my eyes to the light I never looked back. Good Luck on your journey & stay strong.
Hey @Shay, we’re behind you. Things are looking up for you. Thanks for sharing your story and being an example of what’s possible when we decide to take control of our lives.