Hi my husband is in SA, I wanted to know do people ins SA abstain from sex completely for a period of time even in marriage? Please help? I need recovered people to answer. Thanks
I am also a member of “sexaholics anonymous” and i am porn addict. Yes sometimes sponsors do suggest to abstain from sex even with spouse. He may be following the rules. Nothing wrong with that.It is also a part of recovery
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it either. But he does. I am an addict myself with food. Eating and sex are basic instincts of life. I understand that us abstaining from sex is a way for him to work towrads his recovery. It is not like the sponsor said forever. Thanks so much for answering.
You need to have an honest conversation with your husband. If he is fantasizing about his porn when you guys were having sex then he needs abstain from sex until he comes to terms with his addiction. If he loves you an having sex with you is an expression of that love then I don’t think he needs to abstain.
He relapsed after we were intimate 3 weeks ago. He did not have a sponsor at that time. So I feel there is a reason his sponsor wants use to not have sex. But my husband is disagreeing.
I hate to be so obvious buttttt. What an addict not wanting to give up his drug of choice. I’m shooked😜. I’m not in SA but I am an addict. It sounds like he not quite ready to do whatever it takes yet.
You should let him work his program and you focus on yourself.
I agree he is going to have to get his head right ! Be willing to do whatever it takes to conquer this addiction!! It’s not going to be easy !!
I am letting him work his program. But I am agreeing with his sponsor. This is a difficult thing because we are married and sex is natural. But since he relapsed after we were intimate. I wanted to ask SA people because they would have an insight on this issue. I am an addict too and am doing whatever it takes to stay in recovery. So please don’t get my intentions wrong here. I believe there is a reason why his sponsor said to abstain. I don’t want to be a substitute tool for his addiction. So I am doing my part in having patience, tolerance, pity and praying for him.
In SA they do talk about having no sex for some time. But that is only if both sides the husband and wife agree, and it should be discussed with a sponsor.
Not very sex addict needs it.
So what happens when the sponsor and the spouse agree, but the SA does not?
It’s not something that anyone could force on anyone else.
Forcing and fighting never works.
No program wall force anything and anyone, we just suggest ideas.
But at the same time, the sexoholic has to know that when he or she does have sex with a spouse, they have to make sure that they are not using the spouse as a sex toy
If you & his sponsor think he should abstain from sex then you should abstain. But you need to support him in his recovery let him know you love him. But you tell him he has to be open and honest with you !!!
I’m a sexaholic, two months sober. Since you and your husband are on opposite sides of the issue, let him know you love him and are trying to help him recover, and that you do find him attractive and plan on having a life in the bedroom again and some point in the future. I don’t know him, but I know words of affirmation are important to me.
Also, sex should always be consensual. There will be times when you don’t feel like having sex for a miriad of reasons. It’s important for him to learn to process that in a healthy way.
I hope you two are able to have a productive conversation and figure it out.
Thank you so much. A reminder of affrimations is definitely important to remember. I find that he tells me he feels that I don’t want him or am not attracted to him. But I really am. So I will put that into practice more!
I’m pretty sure that applies to 99% of men. We love words of affirmation from our ladies man!
And yes @OAALLDAY, put that into practice. Because I’ll tell ya, there is nothing like it when we feel like our ladies appreciate us. And when we feel like they want us, we’ll that’s a whole nother level😊… Maybe that part is in the future tho. Good luck with your current problem. I’m glad you are here and asking these questions
One of the tenants of the program is that sex is indeed optional. Some go as far saying that they realize that the spouse is to initiate the encounter. Sex addiction is a tough one because while eating and sex may be natural, required functions a sex addict can be acting out in his/her head using nothing more than lust. The reason a sponsor or the program may recommend a period of abstaineance is for “a time to recover from lust”. Good luck and continue to work your programs.