Today is my first day sober. Last used last night, slept it off but obviously I’m malnourished and not feeling human completely yet. My DOC is methamphetamine and I have been a chronic isolated user for about 14 years. I’ve been to 14 treatment centers some I graduated, others I did not. I’ve had my fair share of doing time in several types of ways including, the chains binding my soul to meth, the chains binding my hands to jails, the chains binding my life to the states institutions, and when it finally came to death… It clicked but still wasn’t rock bottom for me. I overdosed a few years back on something I had no clue of what it even was. But I wanted to die, so I had left my gf at home in hysteria and mad at everything in existence especially myself was DONE with myself. Packed a bag, and put my family picture of my mom dad and sister in my inside coat pocket, caught the bus and went downtown to get whatever I could to just basically get high or to kill myself. I didn’t care which one but I was upset enough to do anything possible to escape myself. I paid for the bag of greenish powder from a stranger off the street and I paid for it with my gold/silver cross necklace cuz I was shit broke no money. He sat with me while I did all of what was in the baggie and later on I realized everything once I had got out of the hospital. I was revived in the ambulance. And I thought back to it all, the cross necklace I sacrificed and the way he got up and walked away after I snorted it all. He knew I did too much, I didn’t know what it even was so I didn’t think I’d die. But like I said I really didn’t care at the time. I remember how it felt as it started kicking in, sweaty paranoid as helllll and woozy like I shrunk in size and was walking thru the walls of a subwoofer speaker box… It was horrible and then I blacked out don’t remember anything more. Woke to a light in my eyes, with the ambulance crew standing over me. Point is that I’m trying to make, sometimes even death isn’t rock bottom for us. Because I’ve relapsed idk how many times and continued using until now and that was years ago. Today is a fresh start and IM praying to God for mercy and forgiveness. Praying is something I don’t have a habit of doing.
Damn guys I didn’t think I’d make a long post like this… I hope it all makes sense tho. My head isn’t the clearest quite yet but bare with me. Thanks for listening! I love each and every one of you. Your not strangers to me, your my family. Together we can change the grips of addiction that has so many of us ruining our reputations relationships and whole view of the world and what it all means. Be kind. Stay blessed. Peace 
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Welcome to the forum, and great you are here. 
I think sometimes it’s not just about hitting rock bottom, at least it wasn’t for me, but that something inside of you just has to … click? Maybe this feeling of a fresh start is it for you.
I hope you can find the support and encouragement you need in this community. You can do it! 
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Thank you! I always knocked this app cuz lots of friends suggested it to me in the past.
Idk why I ever knocked it like wth! Lol I’m actually in love with it.
And if it becomes a new addiction then I don’t see why anyone would stigmatize an addict putting one addiction in place of the other. Lol
At least I’d be addicted to helping others struggling, or conversations and researching other ppls topics and conversations to study the hell that will always be doing those push ups for the times when I might become vulnerable emotional or slightly weak and alone in order to take it’s chance right then and strike.
But you allow me the space here to breathe as I vent and make me feel worthy and strong enough to build a wall between myself and the devil and his heathens and with confidence to point and laugh as they hit into the wall thinking they could break me when I have this huge network of ppl behind me! Love you thanks so much friend!
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This app is amazing, promise! And I think being addicted to helping people is acceptable, so … Go for it! 
And in case you’re starting to doubt your decision to stop using again, since it’s been almost an hour: I promise you, it was the right decision.
Whenever you start to have doubts, you should come here instead. I’m at work, so I don’t have much time, but there will always be someone to reassure you in here. Or just “talk”. 
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Your a boss! Thank you and hope work is going well! I can’t wait to start working again. When I recently lost my job a month and a half ago I got even worse and binge used for an entire month alone everyday all day. It was bad. I love working and I have an interview on Friday. But also work sometimes with a friend who is a private contractor delivering large amounts of packages to companies and also peoples personal residences. Hoping to do that with him tomorrow and Thursday! After my doc appt, and also hoping to figure out a outpatient program with the doctor that can work around my part time job if I get hired. So I’ll be busy too whoop
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Thanks SimonSick I plan to do the meetings by my place at least 3 times a week. Is that too little or too much? What do you think are a good amount of days a week to go
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Aww thanks for thinking about me! I’m doing fine! Still sober, on the road out of state RN for work with my buddie! Thanks for thinking about me brother! How are you doing?!
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This is just a side gig I do with him here and there. I have an interview tomorrow for a permanent job.
He’s all for my sobriety. He doesn’t drink or do any type of drugs. He’s actually always been my go to when I need help. And it’s also kinda like riding with a therapist haha. He takes my feelings and thoughts with sobriety very serious. He’s a good friend. Thanks for asking!
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