Every time I relapse, the situations become harder and worse. The last relapse happened after getting my salary. I thought I would have a drink that weekend, but it ended up being 10 days of drinking every morning. I missed work, and I lost more than half of my salary due to this relapse.
I feel ashamed in front of my roommates. I didn’t eat properly for those 10 days. Now I’m thinking that if I hadn’t relapsed, I would have enough money to buy a brand new Samsung Galaxy phone or something else. I could buy some good clothes, shoes, or anything that makes me happy, and others happy too.
But the relapse brought me only unhappy moments. Finally, my manager asked me if I had been drinking, which made me feel even more ashamed.
I will try harder this time. I don’t want these situations to happen again. I understand that every relapse makes things worse than before.
Relapses don’t have to make things worse than they were before. Just try to pay attention to the triggers before you are triggered. What was it you thought you would accomplish by taking that drink? What are you trying to medicate yourself for? For me… it’s a way to self sooth my feelings of loneliness and insecurity’s. To feel more accepted. Thanks for being honest.
I relapsed 23 times before getting it right; I’m not saying you should too. But, after the last one I realized that I should pay attention to the triggers. What has kept me from relapsing again was to sit down and remember what caused each relapse. I didn’t think of “staying sober” but just about staying calm and collected and under control. I didn’t think of strategies to stay sober but strategies to stay mentally stable. Maybe talk to someone or a group and think of your triggers and try to avoid them as best you can, forget the alcohol and sobriety and instead think of your mental health and wellbeing. Now if I have a weak moment I immediately ask myself, what is causing this? What was the trigger and the thought process that brought me to this point and I address the problem before trying to white knuckle sobriety.
This strategy has worked well for me so far.
Good luck on your journey. You’ve got this
I think you need to be at a point where the DOOR IS SHUT FIRMLY ON ALCOHOL.
If it’s not serving you, improving you, holding you up, getting you to show up, then it’s not worth it. You know this already, look at what it takes from you when you drink versus the happy self you feel sober. Write that out, keep it close.
But the bottom line is that if you don’t like drinking and it’s damaging your life, never pick up. Someone dies, you don’t pick up. You win the lottery, you don’t pick up . You feel happy, be happy, don’t pick up. Same with sadness.
Please have a very soulful and honest conversation with yourself about shutting that door completely. Surrender to the impossibility of drinking. Just give in, don’t fight it.
@Leviryan thank you for posting this. I’m reflecting on your trigger to drink. Same with me actually. I don’t have a network of friends I’d go out though generally I’m well accepted at work or in my family. Don’t have a partner. I’m missing a relationship badly. And it’s so hard to quit drinking, very hard. Once I do, after certain days, weeks, months I feel strong but damn lonely, so I start drinking saying just this night. Bullxxit.
"One Day At A Time." 'Cause sometimes it’s “5 Minutes At A Time,” or less. For me, that is… And I’m ASSuming that I’m not alone.
At any rate, whatever I need to do to sit, process what’s going on, and play the tape forward in my head to the ultimate and inevitable conclusion if I drink or use drugs: everything falls apart.
Then, of course, calling my sponsor, calling a support network friend, going to a meeting & getting it out, taking its power away, etc…
This is what has worked/works for me. I hope it helps you, too. Don’t beat yourself up, too much.
This is a situation my husband is in now, just got out of rehab exactly 12 hours ago today at 1:30 p.m. and now ironically is 1:30 a.m. . Hopefully the consequences of losing salary and jeopardizing your job will keep you strong and getting back on track with being sober, while my husband was in his 28 rehab ,i called his job and basically help him keep his job tomorrow is his first day back that’s if he even goes because straight out of rehab he was drinking again. So please don’t be like him and jeopardize your job I feel like if he doesn’t go tomorrow they’re going to fire him and that will be 12 years with a state job down drain. God bless you and surround yourself with sober supportive people or at least keep coming back to this forum for support. I don’t know your personal situation but the last thing you want to do is be without a job and money especially these days and ages where prices of living are so high God bless you and I pray this is your last and final relapse
I was facing the same situation. Whenever I had a drink, I would forget everything—my job, family, etc. I know that without a job, I can’t earn money and would have to beg from others, and no one will help. The main issue is that the first drink makes everything worse. I’m taking it one day at a time. God bless.
"One Day At A Time." 'Cause sometimes it’s “5 Minutes At A Time,” or less. For me, that is… And I’m ASSuming that I’m not alone. 
