My Life & Health Depend On It

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I have to stay sober.

My life and my health depend on it.

3 weeks ago I got a call from my Dr. He wanted to see me that same day. I’d had bloodworks done the previous day. The results were in. I have Diabetes. I was however not expecting what he did and said next.

He did a “life expectancy” forecast for me based on the results of the bloodworks and other data. The results of the forecast were clear. If I continue at the rate I was going, full tilt, I have every chance of being dead within the next 10 years.

I was stunned.

I was to do blood glucose tests 6 times a day, before and after meals, the Dr told me, and to come and see him the following Friday.

The rest of that Friday afternoon I walked around in a daze. Not able to process this double whammy. Diabetes AND I could be dead in the next 10 years. I was gobsmacked. I got drunk that night. It took me days to process all of this, and all the while I continued getting blind drunk.

Between glucose tests and getting drunk I searched AA on the web and found a LGBTQIA+ meeting and thought YES. This is the meeting I need

The following Friday I saw the Dr and the results of the tests were not what he expected or wanted (I’d been testing for 7 days now) so he upped my dosage to double the dosage.

I went to my 1st AA meeting but all I could think of was getting out of there and heading to the 1st off-licence. At this stage I was 2 or so days sober.

After the meeting I headed to the 1st off-licence I could fine, bought a bottle, and headed home. I don’t remember anything of what happened for the rest of that night, and woke up feeling awful the next day. I had a hangover, and I had broken my 36 hour sober streak.

I decided that Saturday morning at 08h00 I quit. I ditched booze and cigarettes. Today (Sep 6, 2024) will be 6 days sober.

I relapsed on cigarettes though but as of 09h10 Thursday (Sep 5, 2024) morning I quit cigarettes for good as well.

So it’s now 6 days sober from alcohol and 15 hours and counting, smoke free.

To those who have offered support and encouragement in the last while, thank you :heart:

:v:t2:

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So amazing. You have the fight. Stay strong and know you have a village behind you. :pray:t2:

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A program is some routine that you perform regularly to stay sober. That program is more or less intense depending on what suits you or what you need. It could be meetings x times a week, reading/listening to sobriety material or journaling x times a day, etc.
You do the steps with a sponsor. Get a sponsor and they will help you go through them together. Steps involve writing out lists, saying ‘prayers’ (think of them as affirmations if you are not religious), sharing your past and thoughts with your sponsor. Your sponsor will end up knowing all your past shame.
My experience was all online as I live abroad. I joined zoom meetings and in one meeting I liked I put in the chat I wanted a sponsor. I met the sponsor they suggested on zoom weekly for about 8 months to complete the steps. I kept meeting her for several months after that. I felt secure in my sobriety and drifted from the program. Now I am more or less involved depending on how my recovery is going. I have had other sponsors, have joined different meetings to work in ‘emotional sobriety’.
I think willingness is important. If you have to write a list, write the list. You have to say a prayer, say the prayer. Just give the steps or AA a real serious shot. Like 6 months, or how ever long it takes to finish the steps. It only takes time, which if you were drinking you would piss away anyway. And if it doesn’t work try something else.

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@Misokatsu Thank you for demistifying this all for me. I appreciate the time & detail you put into your comment. :rose:

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Hey Billy. I’ve posted this a few times over the years. About smoking.

I know with us alcoholics it takes more than just changing things up. And fucking up our minds. Busting up or routines and habits. But It could help with drinking too.

I worked a good program here with all my knowledge of addiction and Al-Anon and kept sharing my experience strength and hope.
Gratitude being my strongest tool. Every day. Read it. Write it. Practice it constantly. I retrained my brain. I saw you on the Gratitude thread. Lots of good stuff on that thread. Like I said it retrained my brain. I hope to see you on there more.

Anyway. Thought of this smoking thing and thought I’d drop it here.

Have a good night.
:pray:t2::heart:

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@Dazercat Thanks for replying to my post. Yes I like the ‘Gratitude’ thread. It gives me pause to think of all the stuff I’m grateful for. I realise I’ve got a ways to go still in this new journey. Hey 6 days sober today. I’ll take it. Cheers :v:t2:

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@Borderline_Billy - should we be concerned that you are active here at 3AM Dublin time? Are you having trouble sleeping?

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Hey @Dirk I’m a night owl. I don’t work so I don’t have to clock watch. Hubby is the provider, I’m the homebody. I’m glad I start college again in 2 weeks. I’m sober. :blush: I’ll take the win :v:t2:

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Great, just wanted to check you’re OK :+1:

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I lived here. I moved in. I had to. It had to be the most important thing- not picking up, sober head on pillow each night. I was physically very run down. I had insomnia. I had horrible nightmares when I did sleep. I have PTSD that I’ve been in therapy for.

I really wasn’t functioning well for the first few months. But I didn’t care, I had a singular purpose. I was lonely so I read posts, and posted on gratitude and the 100 day challenge threads. People held me up, it was incredible :heart:

At 6 months sober I’m truly getting better. Still not super healthy but better. My energy level is going up. My confidence is better. I’m seeing flashes of a sober me from years ago. I’d put 6 years together starting in 2007. When I relapsed it took me 10 years to make it back. I don’t want to relapse again. So although I have been running around this week working on home repairs, networking trying to find new work and friends and everything I caught myself. Sobriety is not as prominent as it should be. I felt extremely tired and a bit sad. Something felt wrong. I don’t have to go back to the way it was, focusing 100 percent on staying sober but it is still paramount. I had to HALT. Slow down and relax. Getting tired gets me in a bad head space and puts me at risk. So I rest. We’re not great at taking care of ourselves and have to learn.

Yeah, I’m not cured, and am not fully healthy yet! So easy to get swept away with your new life, and forget. I came here because I can regain my balance and perspective quickly.

Welcome, it’s nice to meet you. It’s a great group of people. Lots of long-term sobriety here. You won’t regret your decision to quit at all.

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HALT an acronym reminding us not to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired as it could trigger a relapse.

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Halt…so true! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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@Lighter Thanks for sharing your story. It’s stories like yours that inspire me to succeed at this. Thanks again. Take care :v:t2:

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@Lighter I’ve been thinking of what you say so I wanted to come back to thank you for your considered reply. I’m still trying to define addiction. My addictions :thinking:

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