I just want to apologise for my irrational posts of late. I lashed out and haven’t handled myself in a way that makes me feel proud of myself.
I’m a nutshell, I’ve been working on my sobriety for a few years now. I have a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder, and when I drink, I can become a danger to myself. Because of this, I was reported to the Nursing Board (please keep in mind, this was not a work incident and I have never been anything but professional in my career). Anyway, and extraordinarily long 18 months later I was given my registration back with conditions, which I was lucky to find a wonderful work place and start work again. I had never been so happy in my life! I was working, I was exercising, I was house proud, I was present in life, and I was sober!
But about a week ago, I found out that I was in breach of my registration. It was human error, I had misread the conditions, and so had my work place. Even my Mum read the conditions as I did! But regardless of this, I have had to stand down from my job until this goes before the board, and I’m now seriously looking at losing my registration.
I am writing this in a very basic matter of fact way, but the reality is, the amounts of hoops I’ve had to jump has been enormous, and had taken a huge toll on my mental health, and let’s not talk about trying to pay for a mortgage and pay bills while being an unemployed mother of two teenage children.
And all for something that had zero to do with my professionalism as a nurse.
And so I had to reset my clock and I’m sorry for writing on here while under the influence.
I now have 2 days under my belt and I feel like s$&t, while waiting for the board to determine my fate. I may not ever be able to practice as an RN again, and I’m beside myself. The board don’t see all the background work I’ve done. They don’t even see my face. I am a number that breached their conditions of registration.
On top of this, we had to say goodbye to Tommy, my partners 16 year old staffy, and my little mate. I guess when it rains, it pours.
I don’t have the energy or want to get out and go for a walk at the moment, so I’ve just been in bed. This is also a coping mechanism I have adopted to stop me driving through the drive through. I sit here today absolutely mind blown that no matter how depressed and shamed I felt about drinking, I still got up and wanted to do it again the next day!
Anyway, I hope that you can accept my most sincere appologies. I love you guys, and you have helped me so much. I don’t ow where I’d be without you.
And here’s Tommy
I hear for you, friend, and I have no words that can help you but letting you know that I hear you and see you. Thanks for sharing with me, and good luck.
Apology is accepted of course! Recovery is a process and mental illness makes it more complicated.
Generally here on the forum people have to be more than just struggling, to bother me. You are struggling but you are growing. One day at a time
Keep checking in here. Step by step. Keep in touch - it helps keep you connected
Omg Amalia, I’m so sorry ur going thru ALL of this!! None of this sounds easy to cope with BPD is a tough mental illness to manage. I was diagnosed with it also years ago, so I do understand the devastating effects of that on mental health which spreads out into other areas of our lives. I don’t know what to say as I want to be able to help, but don’t know how. I just wanna give u the biggest hug and tell u that u are not alone. During extreme times of distress I have to ground myself (I often use the 5 senses grounding technique), and I have to constantly remind myself to be gentle with myself and to be present. No beating urself up or criticism. Ur a human being and we all make mistakes now and then. I’m glad ur here and posting! Ur an important part of this community! Hugs my friend
Can someone tell me what the orange pen with a 1 next to it means please? It’s on the top of my post
It means it has been edited. I edit my posts alot after I have posted them due to my spelling mistakes bcuz I type so damn fast lol.
Welcome back on track, congrats with two days again.
No apologies needed in my opinion, we’re all just human…
My goodness, what a lot. Thank you for sharing all that is going on, now we can understand u better. Apologies are not necessary, you were doing as well as u could at the time, and many of us on here have had our wobbles.
I hope the work issues get sorted, and my condolences for your loss. It does seem like when it rains, it pours, hope the sun comes out soon
That is a lot of stuff to deal with, I’m really sorry that is all on your plate right now. Right when I started this app you motivated me to re-discover an old hobby that I haven’t explored for a few decades. I was waiting for you to pop back up so I could share this excitement with you. It just goes to show that even when it is dark you are a motivating force to others. I’m hoping things get easier for you. Until then:
So sad love dogs
Hang in there your story is to me inspiring that you can go through so much and still come out the other end ,its a blip ,no one is perfect ,dust yourself down and just keep going with your sobriety ,hopefully you will keep your job ,i know what you mean when you say we are just a number, i was 13 years in the hotel trade ,redundant in 2020 now im in a completely new trade ,and my work life balance is actually alot better ,hope things work out for you ,fingers crossed
Absolutely no apologies needed as far as I am concerned. Good to see you back and I am so sorry for your loss, and all of the difficulties you are facing. I lost my dream job a few years ago and it is a grieving process. I hope that you get yours back and they are understanding.
Take care of yourself and well done on the 2 days
You have brought a tear to my eye! And Cheya skates!!! They are hot! How are you going with them? You have absolutely made my day! Thank you 🛼
Yay! I’m glad that you saw them. You were my motivation for the purchase. Sadly I haven’t been on them much yet. I’m in early sobriety so I’m still a little couch bound but adventure awaits!! 🛼🛼
God bless you! So sorry for you loss. Hang in there. Please keep coming back. Prayers sent your way.
I have some new skates also and am I the same position as you. They haven’t left the house yet. But here is a pic. They are Moxi Lollys
I love them! 🛼
I looked at a lot of skates and thought that low tops were my speed for my (probably not so) triumphant) return. I was on skates from age 5-12 anytime I was in the house and anytime I could get to a rink. I also broke the same arm twice while on skates so my first purchase before the skates were wrist guards. Thank you for the motivation my roll sister! Stay well out there.
How are you going with your skates?
Thank you Brian. That means a lot.
Hello. I think a little shame kept me from getting back to you faster. Sadly they are still in the box patiently waiting for me to hit a more active phase in sobriety. Work and home are my focus right now but I will get there and you will be the first to know. Thanks for asking.