I’ve never said… or typed those words before. I’ve phased my issue with alcohol a million ways “problem drinker” “unhealthy relationship with alcohol”, “binge drinker, etc etc. but I always refused to admit the truth. I am an alcoholic. Enough is enough I can’t continue to fight an illness without first diagnosing it for what it is.
All the reasons I used to convince myself I’m not an alcoholic
I’ve never been to treatment
I’ve never been arrested
I’ve never lost my children
I have a good career
-I didn’t drink ever day.
Some of the many reasons why I have to admit that I am an alcoholic.
I’ve wrecked a car driving drunk
I’ve hid alcohol throughout my home
I’ve hid inside my closet chugging alcohol so no one would know
I’ve lied to others about drinking
I’ve lied to myself about my drinking
I’ve whole heartedly wanted to not drink and did it anyways
I’ve blacked out more times than I can count
I’ve puked on myself more times than I can count.
-I’ve hurt people when I was drunk
-I’ve hurt myself when I was drunk
I drank despite not liking who I am or what i do when I’m drunk.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I think I just needed to say it to someone other than myself.
Right now I’m 49 days sober and and I plan to keep working my recovery plan. Thank you @JasonFisher for posting that chapter three from the AA book video. I saw myself in that video and I’m done pretending I’m not just like every other alcoholic.
Glad to read this now write a post about what your going to do about it. Action action action, success success success. I wish you well on your journey
Great share sir. When I finally realized I had a lot in common with the people posting here that was when I started to make the changes needed. 43 days on this app and you already have 1 day read time. You will do well. You are already immersing yourself in the community. Keep coming back and learning.
I have been reading on here daily almost non stop since discovering this community. I’ve both cried in frustration and in relief to realize how much in common I have with everyone here. I ordered the AA big book after seeing that video which was a reading of chapter three. I’ve signed up and started weekly therapy sessions and I plan to start attending the TS zoom meetings. Local 12 step meetings are not an option for me due to having clients (I’m a counselor) that attend them so I’m hoping to connect with some online 12 step meetings outside my town so that I can find a sponsor. I thought I could do this without AA and so far it’s working, but I feel like I may really need it the more I read and watch others on here.
Welcome and well done on 49 days sober, Jamie. The share says volumes, and I can so relate. This forum had the same effect on me.
Seeing through the shares of others that, 1) YES, I am an alcoholic like other alcoholics, and 2) the relief of that meaning I could recover just as others had.
(And technically 3: the 12 steps/fellowship could help! )
Welcome, I am happy you made it hear…it really is a great place with folks who are supportive, encouraging and honest. It means so much to talk with men and women who get it. I am 30 days AF, so I’m right behind you and it’s a great feeling to finally be free of the shackles I placed myself in for years…to finally close a chapter and begin a new one where I am my own heroine.
It’s not easy, but nothing worth having is…stay the course. You have an awesome plan, and if and when you feel weak remember your stronger than you know, and you are worth fighting for. Never give up on you…and if you ever wanna talk; I’m here
Congrats on your 49 days. Great to see how much clarity you have around your alcoholism. I completely identify with not wanting to drink and then doing it anyway, thankyou this really stood out to me today. Thanks for keeping it real.
Every time I read or listen to Chapter three Im amazed at how well they know me. I have done all those things trying to drink like a “normal” person.
2nd paragraph says:
“We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.”
This step comes before the 12 steps.
Congrats!
The big book was written by the first alcoholics who managed to break the chains of alcoholism. There is so much recovery gold in there.
I had a sponsor give me an assignment this summer. He had me read the table of contents and highlight everything that applied to me. When he gave me the assignment I thought it was stupid. but I did it anyways. I got a lot out of that assignment, It was good for me.
That book is awesome!
I relate 100% to your post. except I have been arrested. but every bit of trouble I have ever been in was alcohol or drug related.
Its a progressive illness. I have alot of yets if I take that first drink.
I can’t wait to read the whole thing. It’s funny… I always convinced myself that because I could sometime “control” “manage”or stop my drinking for short amounts of time meant I wasn’t an alcoholic, after hearing step three it really sank in that the fact that I HAD to do those things to keep drinking was what made me just like every other alcoholic.
I quit when I was 26, new years resolution it was sooo easy for me to quit. I was convinced I wasn’t alcoholic. Now I’m fifty two and It was extremely difficult to quit. I haven’t had a drop in 430 days! This forum has been a huge help for me to not drink.
I come here asking for support as I’m walking into challenging scenarios.
I post a lot of memes here. Laughing in recovery is good! I check in everyday. If I’m in a bad place I come here every ten minutes.
I go to AA when I can. Covid and my work make it challenging. AA has been a huge help for me. When I got out of my way and let it happen. Its the largest group thats ever existed that nobody wanted to belong in!
I could have written this myself. I did all those things too. That is a huge step you just took, saying it. I bet there is a feeling of relief there. Congrats on 49 days! You should be proud of yourself!!
Welcome Jamie, Like @Dejavu said. Could have written it myself. Thank you for sharing this, what a great reminder tostart the day with. Good to see you here taking steps. You are not alone! blessings
One of sister’s best friends was resisting going into residential treatment for alcohol. Her two daughters were going to Alateen meetings.
Like me she was listing reasons why she was not an alcoholic such as “I have never drunk perfume out of the bottle”. It is funny how we make criteria for being an alcohol to exclude us from that definition.
I said to her “is your life out of control?”
She replied with a very affirmative “Yes”. And that was it. She was not yet convinced she was an alcoholic, but she recognised that something had to change. She went to rehab.
I had the idea that an alcoholic was un unshaven, unwashed man with a bottle of spirit in his hand who slept on a park bench. I became that man. A tramp. Sobriety got me a roof over my head and food in my stomach.
Well done on your sobriety Jamie. I look forward @ hearing about your progress.
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