Exactly! My friend was wandering the street at 1 am looking for her car which she (thankfully) couldn’t find. It reminded me of many late nights where I drove when I shouldn’t.
Never again for me.
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That’s rough. That’s the thing with alcohol and drugs at least for me it made me not care but these days I want to care. When I would drink or drug the responsibility and right decision making went right out the window along with self-care and self respect. The alcohol and drugs completely changed my thinking… I guess I really didn’t think. I just acted on impulse. Your friend will definitely be in my prayers tonight. All we can do is lead by example and try to spread the message of recovery. When our friends are ready And tired they will find recovery the only option. Hang in there and keep doing what you’re doing. I’m proud of you. Thanks again for reaching out.
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Another entry on my progress
Today is a very important day and very emotional but in a good way. This time last year this exact day last year on thanksgiving I was homeless on one of my drug and alcohol binges completely lost, not eating properly, hanging with the wrong people, sleeping behind buildings And in parks, doing anything to get more drugs and alcohol. I remember last year on thanksgiving waking up in the morning feeling like complete crap everything was closed especially the liquor store was closed… I was struggling with shakes most of the day because I couldn’t Get high enough percentage of alcohol and had trouble getting other things. There was a lot of people going around handing out food and blankets and trying to give all of us help that were out there homeless and lost but I didn’t want help. I was giving up. It took another inpatient program for 30 days and leaving to repeat the same mistakes, committing some crimes and then going to jail for two months… That all happened within a couple months after Thanksgiving last year.When I got out of jail seven months ago I knew that something seriously had to change. Not only did I have to accept help I had to put in the work. Now this Thanksgiving today was spent with my family in a warm house eating good food and laughing and making the best of things. I kept reflecting on last year’s Thanksgiving. Even though I’m grateful for my progress and the way today went it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a emotional day. But I was able to be present with my family and I had no side quest or ulterior motives. I even got myself to a meeting. I made it back to my apartment before 9 o’clock which was my goal. And I feel very grateful and thankful to be sitting in my apartment getting things ready for going back to work tomorrow. Like I said Thanksgiving last year was a mess. I remember blacking out pretty bad and I almost burned down another homeless persons camp because I knocked a bunch of candles over and I woke up the day after just to continue the same things. A lot has changed in one year. Even though I only have nine months part of me is thinking what is the future what am I going to do with my life. But the truth is I’m still learning how to properly live. I don’t have to have all the answers today. Things will come together if I stay on this path. I deserve better than homelessness and self destruction. I’ve done bad things but I’m not a bad person. What a day! My name is Trevor and I’m always going to be an alcoholic And Addict. The difference is I’m not a active using alcoholic and addict. I am recovering. One day at a time. I will look back on this post in the future and be even more grateful. And maybe this will help somebody. I hope
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Aww man Trevor I’m so proud of you. And happy for you. You know. I was pretty worried about you. I wanted to help you so badly. But I knew I couldn’t. I knew you had to help yourself. You have no idea how happy I am to have you back in the TS family.
We don’t have to have all the answers today. I reckon as long as we are alive and sober we get to keep learning how to act. I don’t know. But, you do brighten my day.
Love you man.
Happy Thanksgiving again.
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Thanks Eric. I’m proud of you as well. You have Really been a huge help to me more than you probably realize. I’m sure I had a lot of people worried. Every time I went back out in the last 5 to 10 years. I definitely have a lot of people in my corner that care. But like you said I have to help myself. I had to get to a point where there was nothing else to try but to get better and face my problems with AA and therapy. I have no reservations I have no other plans. I have to stay in today as much as possible and continue on this path. It’s only going to get better. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to have days that are difficult. And not to sound crazy today was also emotional not because I was missing drinking and using but sometimes I miss the freedom of no responsibility. But when I really think about it I think that’s my addict and alcoholic brain making me forget that having no responsibility was extremely Dangerous and damaging. And true freedom is actually being responsible. I have to learn how to be a part of this world because for so long I did everything I could to escape society. Thank you again Eric. Hope you have a good rest of your Thanksgiving. Thank you so much
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Also today at my parents I was digging through boxes and I found all kinds of crazy things had to throw a bunch of stuff away…also Found a old journal entry of the first time I went to Medical Detox in 2014 talking about I need to get the hell out of there everybody’s crazy L O L. It’s funny but it’s not funny. Probably going to post that journal entry on here eventually. But it was really cool I found this AA big book that I don’t remember getting and it’s practically brand new. I’ve had a lot Of big books over the years but they disappear. I bought a brand new one seven months ago. But now I have this other one I found in a box today. Pretty cool
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I feel you on this day. Today at almost 7 months sober, I looked back at my past Thanksgivings. In a crack house, a voluntary inpatient program, or a barstool alone. Which definitely led to the other. It was a good one today. Looking at my mom. Sharing a meal. Getting to where I am today. I really was out there hopeless and just kept myself in it. This time of year used to be hard for me because of the life I used to have. Instead of getting it back I pushed myself deeper in the hole. It’s like I knew I was doing but I didn’t. Addiction and hopelessness is brutal. I enjoy your shares man. They hit a button for me. Just like mine do when I share with others. I’m so glad you’re here. This, this is why we keep going. One story can change many of spark some hope. Thanks for sharing. I’ll definitely remember this Thanksgiving. Sober. With you my brother.
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Thank you JB. I appreciate your shares as well. They help and put things into perspective for me. Trust me I know about those other places and alternatives or whatever you wanna call it besides sobriety with family on holidays. The other way is insanity and very lonely. I’m happy to see your progress and doing so well. And I’m glad you had a good Thanksgiving with family and also are seeing the benefits of sobriety. Alone we can’t but together we can. The only way is forward one day at a time. Thank you again so much
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@Bluekoolaid and @jbaldwin84 hearing how you both spent quality time with your moms for the holiday, reflecting on your past really warms my heart. I’m a mom so I can imagine how your moms felt having her boy safe at home. You guys gave your moms the best gift ever!
I’ve been following both of you and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. Truly miracles!
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Thank you Lisa. That’s exactly what my mom said when she dropped me off yesterday. She said exactly the same thing that me and my brother gave her the best gift actually being there and being present. Trust me don’t take this the wrong way but would I rather spend the day at my apartment by myself most likely but my family has done a lot for me so it was good to actually be there even if there was times where I felt uncomfortable. It’s going to take time for me to be used to being around family sober. Especially when I’ve been used to running off to go get things or hiding in places and coming back. I am learning this time in sobriety there is a lot of things that I don’t necessarily want to do but doing these things will help. Especially being around people. Thank you for your support and contributions to this community. Very grateful for you
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As Janis Joplin once sang:
Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose
Building a life that you would feel sorry to lose is not something to dread, it’s beautiful. Also, did you really have freedom and no responsibilities when every single day involved needing to buy alcohol and score drugs?
I have followed your journey for 3-4 months now and it’s a shining example to many of us, thank you Trevor! 
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That’s so great to read, Trevor! Makes me truly happy to see you well and thriving.
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Thank you so much. I definitely did not have freedom when I was out there I think it’s just part of some of my delusional thinking sometimes. Sometimes when I’m writing things on here I answered my own thoughts a few paragraphs down and realize the reality as I’m writing. It’s definitely Been good to reflect and see the progress in real time. I literally never had plans to do anything with my life but now I have a chance. I truly believe I’m not going to get another chance. It’s time to fold the cards and walk away. While I still can.
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Thank you so much. Thriving is a good way to put it. I’ve done a lot of damage over the years but for some reason my memory is pretty good and there’s so much I remember so when I reach certain milestones or I’m sober on certain days especially holidays I can really remember what I was doing on previous holidays/ dates and it’s the complete opposite. It definitely feels good. I’m definitely going to try to help people on here when I can and occasionally pop in on the gratitude thread and some other threads I like but definitely going to keep posting on this thread about my progress. It’s going to be really cool to look back on this in the future.
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I love this post and love to see how far you’ve come!
Some major changes and so much growth in the past year. Grateful for the hard work you are putting in and seeing you show up for yourself each and every day.
We don’t know what the future holds
…all we can do is our best. Keep putting in the solid effort Trevor. You are shining on your sober journey 
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Thank you Jasmine. Very grateful for you as well. I see you putting in work every day and pushing forward. It’s truly a great thing. I hear you as far as trying to stay in today. Sometimes it can be hard especially feeling like I’m living in a competitive world and I’m trying to make up for lost time. But I know I’ve made progress because I am no longer just getting by. I’m actually completing goals and making progress which feels really good. As far as a job or Career goals or really anything it’s not the right time to make any major changes. I have to stick to my routine and let things unfold as they will. Thank you for reaching out. Hope you have a good rest of your day or night.
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This is so very wise my friend. I find even in my personal life This Is Not The Time To Change Anything. I have had 5 years of screwing up and damaging my life/relationship. 9 Months Sobriety is great for me/us but time is needed before any major decisions are to be made…
You are doing so great and your self examination and sharing here is so beneficial especially for yourself while others benefit too.
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I am not usually one to quote AA, but I think they were onto something when they stated that no major decisions should be taken in the first year of sobriety. Best to let the dust settle and the fog of addiction clear up before deciding if/how life changes should be pursued 
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Appreciate you Trevor. Love this community and making such great bonds with so many fellows
So right on. Great to see the progress and that you are recognizing it as well. Smart to wait to make any major changes. Recovery has so much going on and it takes a minute to gel with the new daily routines 
ODAAT 
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Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey; it means a lot to many of us. Congratulations on your time sober, it’s an incredible achievement! Just remember, it’s one step at a time, and we’re all here to support you.
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