Been a while since I’ve posted in Thirdmonkey’s thread, but think about it often in my own Recovery Dharma journey - and am grateful for this space, Scott. ![:pray: :pray:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/pray.png?v=12)
Have been struggling lately with my response to some of the fodder of life. I haven’t wanted to drink, but am aware I’ve wanted to otherwise check out (read: obliterate my consciousness via some kind of behaviour or action). Restlessness, iPad games, unfocused, binge-read the news, snack, nap, don’t return calls because not enough time but feel lack of connection… ![:unamused: :unamused:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/unamused.png?v=12)
We read “Isolation and Connection” (p.43-46) at tonight’s online meeting. I’ve read it before, but this hit home tonight:
It wasn’t just getting high, though for a lot of people in this fellowship and outside it, that was the main road we took to escape. There were other traps that snagged us, even if we never struggled with substances: sex, food, self-harm, social media. We may have tried to get help with those compulsions, but often found others minimizing or trivializing them, especially in comparison to drug or alcohol abuse. For those of us whose primary addictions are around behaviors and processes, we may have felt alienated and excluded from recovery itself.
Many of us found ourselves like raw, exposed nerves when we stopped using those ways to escape. And sometimes, the last place we wanted to be was in a room with strangers in a circle of chairs all facing each other, talking about how we can’t drink or use or participate in our destructive behaviors anymore. The paradox is that it’s in that kind of space, where we’re accepted as we are, that we can begin to let go of our reflex to hide.
Grateful for connection to my Sangha and this forum, so that I can even just be aware that yep, the desire to “check out” runs deep in me. Coming up on a year and 10 months sober, and still learning to lean into my feelings and letting them pass through me. I think it’s okay that it takes a good long while to learn that one… ![:orange_heart: :orange_heart:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/orange_heart.png?v=12)
@acromouse tagging you in case you are interested in this thread, friend!