Ohhh Sav that’s a rough spot: I’m sorry you’re there. It’s a hard place and no doubt you are feeling shame and regret. I’m sorry for you.
But it’s good. You want to change. You see the wasted time and energy from alcohol. There are so many people here on TS who have been in the same place. Read around here, learn, and make a decision about what you’re going to do differently.
You said that
We’ve all been there. All of us. We try to run. We run, we run, we escape into our addictions. Some of us for decades. It’s always the same though: wasted time, wasted health. Regret. Shame. Repeat the cycle. Nothing good ever happens. Ever.
Might be time to change something. Have you looked into a recovery group? For me I didn’t make any significant progress in sobriety until I joined one. Connecting and learning with other people in recovery makes a huge difference. Take a look at some of the resources here:
Most important: make your decision. Decide, in your heart, that you want this. And then move forward, no matter what. Don’t stop. Don’t doubt that change will happen. Do things differently, try new, sober things, and be willing to change the patterns (and relationships) you have that are part of your addiction. Be fearless and determined - and you will get there. You can do it sister! 