Hello everyone, This is Sai, 23 years old. After my ex left on my birthday in 2013, I have started watching porn and masturbated to get over her. At first it pleasurable. But now in 2018 I still do it for some reason I couldn’t stop it. I give it more importance compared to my friends and family. I feel its consuming my time so much. I have hard time focusing on single task all I ever think of is porn pron porn. I couldn’t go without masturbating for even 3 days straight, I would do that even when I’m travelling in flights, I know its disgusting but that’s my story. Now I’m jobless a complete fresher looking for software engineering jobs and I spend most of my time watching porn instead applying for companies and enhancing my skill-set! I tried quitting it so many times but I couldn’t, I even changed my environment(changing house) but it didn’t work out. I now have 20hrs of sober and I still have the temptation to go to bathroom with my mobile and masturbate even when writing this post! Its been 5 years I need help to overcome this disease and I promise I will check-in daily. May the force be with me!
Thanks @anon37742172.
Hey Sai, I’m also a Pornography Addict. Over 13 years, but the addiction has gone back before that in the form of lust. Theres a collection of us on here and a lot of information that you can gain. I would recommend searching through the threads for other related topics. We’ve discussed everything from website filters/device blockers, to meditation tactics. I’m going to tag a few other people on here.
Hey @Sai, welcome to the forum. As @DungeonMaster mentioned there are a bunch of threads on here that deal with porn addiction. Having a community of people trying to make their lives better is essential for my sobriety. I find that in my SAA group and on here.
I’ve also tried the “geographical cure” to no avail. I couldn’t stop my problem until I was able to see that pornography was never able to deliver its promise to me: that I could find love there.
Keep coming back here and checking in. Reject the shame that the addiction wants you to feel. Be honest with yourself. Believe you deserve a better life. These are all things that helped me.
What do you like to do with your time? If you weren’t using porn, what could you be doing? What are your life goals and what is keeping you from achieving them?
Do you have any 12 step meetings in your area? You can look up groups on the SA, SAA or SLAA websites. I look forward to being of any service I can to you.
Sai welcome! Know that you’ve taken the hardest step, the one asking for help. Recovering from porn/masturbation/sex addiction is like recovering from nearly any other addiction including going through withdrawal. You can do it, you’re worth it and it does get better, keep coming back!
@Sai - I am just at 30 days no PM. It is hard but you have taken the hardest step by asking for help. For me the pornography was my main problem but it lead me to do other things I am not proud of.
Don’t dwell on what you have done. Take it one day at a time and find some distractions. It sounds like you may also be tempted because your work or learning for work has you in front of the computer. So maybe set some boundaries like work on your skills for 30 minutes and get up away from the computer without your phone and go for a walk or meditate.
Also maybe read on what is going on in brain chemically when you watch porn. I think it helps to understand what you are dealing with.
Keep coming back here for support and advice.
Thanks for all the advices! They so motivational. Thanks once again! I’m at 2.10 days sober now! Its supposed to be 3 but then I couldn’t resist the first day. But then i’m fighting harddd.
Hi Sai
I have the same problem/addiction. I managed around 2.5 but relapsed this morning. Gonna keep fighting though. I hope you can keep fighting too.
Hey aaron, good morning. And What’s your story?
Hi,
I have been struggling with this addiction since my teens but it has got worse over the last few years. It’s got to the point were it’s effecting my mental health so I am determined to keep working towards sobriety.
Asking for help is the hardest step. What are trying to escape from when you act out?
When you say you’re fighting hard, what weapons are you using? Are you doing it alone or enlisting the help of others?
For me, this addiction is an unstoppable juggernaut, and I cannot control it, this has been proven time and time again.
Every time I would get the urge I would try to fight it, and lose. Because by the time the urge came, there was no fighting it. By the time I was conscious of my desire to act out I had already made the decision to do it, any attempts to go the other way were futile.
What helped was becoming aware of my feelings, listening to my self-talk, and believeing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I deserve a better life. When I get stressed or anxious(two major triggers) I recognize it and then I reach out- to my SAA group, my Higher Power, or come here. I wouldn’t be able to do that unless I felt like I deserve to feel better than I feel when I act out.
I couldn’t just say the words “I deserve to feel better” I had to feel them. I had enough feeling like crap.
Believe you deserve better and you won’t have to fight anymore.
That’s a good question. I suppose it’s an escape from everything. The rush takes me away from my negative thinking for a short time. The problem started many years ago when in my early teens so it’s been over a long period (I’m 25 now). I’ve been trying for around 3 three years to get it under control.
I think self reflection is part of the healing process. I have gone to several of the SA meetings. They follow similar 12 steps of AA. While I am not actively working the steps they help to reflect on what you would do at that step. One is taking a self inventory.
Why do you have the negative thoughts? Is there something in your past that you need to deal with?
I think sometimes it is not that obvious but it may be.
@Sai I am back in the app after a time of absence. But count on my prayers and support after 20 days of sobriety. This app is awesome and the good people you will find here can help a lot to find strenght to quit porn
Hurray! I swear I’ve tried reaching out to you twice now. Wondering if youd just gone off the deep end or not.
Welcome back Bom and congrats on the 20!
Thanks to God I am back and all your friendship helped me to choose the right thing
I relapsed. I lost my control. Back to zero streak 
How do I overcome lonliness?
It is good that you’re identifying the emotions that cause you to want to act out. I deal with my loneliness by calling a friend, a family member, or by coming here. Sometimes I want to be alone and I don’t feel lonely because I made the choice to be alone.
The shame of acting out caused me to isolate; I didn’t want to be around people because I didn’t think I deserved to be around them. I felt like garbage and I wouldn’t want to subject others to garbage. So I isolated myself when what I really wanted was social connection, then the addict had me all to itself.
What are you trying to get from acting out? How is porn a solution to loneliness?
How would you like to spend your time?