I relapsed and I hate myself for it. I had a mental breakdown and panic attack and had a drink. The only person I can blame is myself. I have no clue where to go but it can’t be back to the bottle…
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You f’ed, it happens. But you’re back, admitting your relapse, that takes a lot of strength, accountability and willingness. If you come back here after a relapse, than that’s a huge positive. Don’t be too hard on yourself mate, it’s not good for your motivation nor your self-esteem
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What do you need?
What do you need to succeed?
What helped me is making a sober plan. A list with things that helped me to stay sober and tips on what to do when I have cravings. What also helped me is to come here every day to check in sober. When my cravings where bad and nothing helped I came here and asked for help. Talking about it or just reading other stories helped me tremendously to get the edge of and kept me focussed.
Don’t hate yourself! Use that energy for a better cause: be sober today and keep pushing that “repeat” button 
You can do it, give it your all! 
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Hi,
Perhaps a starting point would be to stop thinking in terms of blaming yourself. That is not helpful. If you genuinely want to get sober, that is a noble goal. This time, your alcoholic desire won over. That voice in your head said alcohol is the solution. It is part of you but it is not all of you. IT wants to drink YOU don’t. You are are stronger than it and the more that you tell it where it can shove its drink the stronger you become and the easier sobriety becomes. Like a say, this is a starting point and we all have our own journeys but if you have the will to pick yourself up when you fall and carry on you will succeed.
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You said mental break down and panic attack. Have you thought about seeing a mental health professional? My recovery really improved when my anxiety and depression was addressed. Hang in there… I know exactly how you feel. It dosent have to be like this.