I’ve been battling sobriety (weed and alcohol) all year. Made it 4.5 months earlier this year and fell off and now attempting sober October. Been looking for supportive place to post my thoughts and this seems like a good place.
14 Likes
You will find a ton of support and love here! Welcome to the TS community
You can absolutely do this! We are here for you
1 Like
Welcome to the best resource to stay sober.
You want a visual for your sober days?
I love coloring in the day every morning.
4 Likes
Welcome! Coming here and being active will help.
Just food for thought, maybe semantics…are you battling sobriety…or is it active addiction you are battling?
I’m battling addiction I think. I’ve always been an addict, but what the addiction is changes over time. But currently it’s alcohol and weed.
2 Likes
I had a bit of a realization today. I’m on day 11 of my newest attempt. And every time I fall off the wagon I sort of see it as a reset or having to start over. But I am starting to see that that’s a trick I’m playing on myself. Or rather it’s a trick my addicted brain plays.
I had 4.5 months sober earlier this year. Started mid January and fell off in June. When that happened, I was immediately kinda beating myself up for having to start over. And I think that kind of thinking allowed me to go off the rails for four months before pulling myself together to make a run at Sober October.
But the reality is that I’m not starting over. The work I did on myself earlier in the year is still there. I’m not 11 days sober so much as I’ve managed 5 months sober out of the year so far. And what I’m clinging to right now is the idea that I have a shot at being sober for more time than not in 2024 and this is the first year I can say that about since 2016.
So I’m not starting over or starting from scratch. I’m starting from experience. Every day I remain sober is a brick on the wall of sobriety. And my job today is to lay today’s brick. And maybe the more bricks I lay, the easier it becomes to lay bricks everyday.
That said though, I’m still battling that initial momentum of being off the rails. It’s easier through the week because of work, but on the weekend it comes with a force.
6 Likes
Great job 11 days. Best advice for your weekend struggles… keep sober in your view at all times. Sober connections are the best defense against slipping. Walk outside, listen to calming music and stay connected here as much as possible. Find your strength and desire to stay on the sober path! You can do it!
1 Like
I’m at day 14…two weeks. I’ve always said the second weekend is the hardest because the first weekend you’re still kinda recovering from how shitty alcohol makes you feel but by the second weekend you feel better and start thinking things like you’ve had enough of a break and you can control it now. So I’m glad I’m over that hump. I think I’ve got some momentum behind me, even if I still feel shaky about being sober.
I had a huge insight into why I’m drinking today and I’ve been thinking about it all day. In one word: disappointment. I never was good at labeling my feelings (most dudes aren’t I guess) but I was listening to a podcast where the guy was talking about emotional intelligence and he said something that made me have a huge aha moment. He asked Huberman (it’s his podcast) if he could tell him the difference between anger and disappointment.
And like bells and whistles went off because I always thought I had anger issues under the surface. But the truth is disappointment has defined most of my life. And I’ve come to pull away from people or criticize people so that I can be disappointed in them before they disappoint me. It’s a defense mechanism. You create what you want to see in the world so that it can make you feel like a victim. Not that I haven’t been a victim at various times in my life, but it is becoming clear that in my adult life I have become more and more my own perpetrator.
And why would I do this? To protect myself from being disappointed. It’s such a weird self perpetuating cycle. In any case I’ve heard it said (I think it was Johann Hari who said it in his book about addiction) that the opposite of addiction is connection. And because I’ve pulled back to protect myself from being disappointed, I’m also pulling away from the connections that might make me feel more fulfilled, less bored, etc.
So I’m drinking to dull the pain of lost connections, and I’ve lost connection because I’m afraid of disappointment. And by creating my own self fulfilling prophecy I keep myself squarely in the box of addiction.
It’s made me realize that the path away from this addiction is to open myself to connection again. To stop pulling away from connection when it happens and to allow myself the risk of being disappointed organically rather than create it as a self fulfilling prophecy.
4 Likes
Thats a huge amount of insight! I too think i was self medicating to 1. Avoid accountability for my own life and the choices i made 2. Keep from feeling the copious amounts of self depreciation i feel at any given time and 3. Give myself the ability to act on my wants without caring what others think.
Unfortunately most of never learned how to cope with harder emotions especially men… they werent allowed to process sadness or shame or guilty or grief in a healthy way without those same feelings being mocked. And women werent allowed to express anger and sexual anything without being called crazy or whores… its sad really. To have to reparent ourselves this late in life and teach ourselves healthier ways to cope. Im wishing you many more days and months and years of sobriety!
1 Like
Day 21 and 3 weeks. Ten more days to get through sober October. I intend to keep going after October but I like thinking in smaller chunks like that.
Struggled a little this evening because I’m at a conference at coworkers and it is forcing me to stay in instead of going with everyone to the bar and have some drinks. A hard part of sobriety is giving up things that used to be fun. But at the end of the day it’s not worth the temptation.
I’m also working on bringing back things that I know make me happy. Like reading fiction. Writing. And I’m wanting to start making YouTube videos. I read an article once about how we should stop chasing dopamine and start doing things that create seretonin and I found that to be a totally unique perspective.
The difference between the two is that dopamine is the high you chase by doing something…one more beer, one more hit, one more cookie, etc. Versus seretonin which is boosted through creativity and meaning. It seems like of all the personal growth/psychology stuff I’ve read, so much of it returns to those two things. That the more creativity and meaning you can create in your life, the happier you are.
Anyway just wanted to do a check in.
5 Likes
Day 23. Made it through my conference without drinking, so that’s a big win. That was a challenge for sure. Got about a week left of sober October.
Faced a small bout of depression this evening. I think the worst of it has passed. Going to bed and hope I wake tomorrow feeling better
4 Likes
Day 29.
Interesting thoughts this morning. First of all, I thought today that I’m excited that it looks like I’m actually going to make it through Sober October. Things started really shakey but I somehow managed to hang on.
The interesting thing though are the other thoughts. First of all, I framed this round of sobriety as just doing sober October, so my first thought was “I could have a drink this weekend to celebrate.” Which I recognize that thought for what it is…a doorway back to addiction.
But the more interesting thing is my reaction to that thought. It wasn’t excitement. It was more like “ugh” at the thought of drinking because I know how it’s going to make me feel now. I think that’s progress. I’ve associated drinking in my mind to feeling bad, which I think is going to make me less likely to do it. Doesn’t mean I still don’t need to be vigilant. Just a realization.
The more interesting realization came after. I did what I do every morning. I wake up and think about the shit that is making me angry. And on my drive to work I caught myself in the middle of it and I kinda laughed at myself. Told myself it was time to switch gears. So I decided that I wanted to think of things that make me laugh.
And then I noticed instant resistance. That really perplexed me for a while. But as I begin to browse the other threads here, it completely dawned on me.
I’m afraid to be happy.
That one hit me like a ton of bricks. And I knew instantly why I am afraid… because if I get happy or feeling good, I open myself up to disappointment. So all this time I’m running this tape of things that upset me in my mind just so I don’t get too happy. Because if I get too happy, I will be disappointed.
And that’s a cycle I’ve been running for years. And it really fits in with so many other things in my life that i could probably write a book about lol
But it’s that thought that really moved me today. I drink because I’m afraid to be happy.
3 Likes
Sobriety does allow you to have deep discussions with oneself. Sounds like you are experiencing a true understanding of you. Keep up the great work! Sobriety will bring happier days.
1 Like
Day 31.
Got one month in the books and officially have completed sober October. No bigger thoughts than that. Just a celebration.
2 Likes
Awesome! 
Well I fell off after 35 days and spent most of November off the rails. Decided to get back on for December and I’m back up to 11 days. It hasn’t been too difficult because the more I drink, the more I feel like shit. So by the end of November I was sick of how I felt again. It was a great reminder for why I’m sober in the first place and when I get tempted I just think about how it makes me feel and I can get past the craving fairly quickly. Interesting enough though there’s only been a couple of times in 11 days that I’ve even been tempted.
Me hitting 11 days is also a benchmark moment. It means I officially have more sober days in 2024 than not, and that hasn’t been true for a year since 2016. This is my third stretch of extended sobriety this year, which is also something I haven’t done in a long time. I think it means I’m starting to get a handle on it.
2 Likes
Stay strong 
! And keep stacking those days!! Sure is better then waking up hangover. And worst waking hangover with regrets from the night before. Sober is better
2 Likes
Welcome back… you can do it. Stay sober today.
2 Likes