Before I get into my story I’m gonna start with an introduction. I’m 22, female. All my life I was raised with an idea like many other children that drugs are bad. Both my parents had been addicted to drugs when I was a baby. My mom’s drug of choice being meth and my dads, coke. Marijuana was really the only drug growing up that wasn’t looked down upon because both my parents are really heavy marijuana users and I was throughout high school as well. When I was 19 I got really heavy into partying and drinking, etc. I had a boyfriend at the time who would occasionally do coke and offer it every now and then to which I would say no because I was heavily against it because it ruined my dad’s life.
Months later I’m extremely drunk and hanging out with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and he offers me some Molly which out of curiosity I decide to take which then a couple hours later turns into me also doing my first line of coke. This night is where my very crippling addiction to coke started. At first I told myself it was just an occasional party drug that I would do. Then it turned into every weekend, every few days, then every day. It got so bad I would do lines in the bathroom at work just to get my next high.
Not a lot of people in my life understood the severity of it because I really heavily downplayed how often I was doing it. I didn’t actually process how badly I was addicted until my little sister started asking me questions. At this point I was already a year into my addiction and my sister told my dad that she was concerned for me and thought that I was doing drugs. This led to my dad finding out that I was addicted to coke which spiraled into me almost getting kicked out. I was mad at my sister at the time but a couple years later I think back to how in a way she saved my life.
That same week I went out of the state with my ex boyfriend and some friends. We bought a couple nights in a hotel and unfortunately the last night I snorted some fentanyl laced coke and OD’d. I’ve never felt as close to death in my entire life as much as I did that night. It made me realize I’m not ready to leave this earth especially not over my addiction. Seeing how much it hurt my family hurt me and I wanted to get sober. So on February 26, 2020 I got sober. I broke up with my ex a couple months later as well. I had realized he was a big part of the problem as not only was he physically and emotionally abusive, but he was constantly enabling my addiction and encouraging me against my sobriety so he could hold some type of power over me.
Unfortunately a few months ago after over a year of sobriety I relapsed after having been in a really weak mental state for months. At the time I was going through a manic phase and I sadly threw almost two years of sobriety down the drain. I also lost a friend of 14 years in the process who didn’t agree with my relapse but was also never there to help me through my recovery.
Leading to now, present day I am 60 days sober. I’m making a lot of steps in my life right now to ensure I stay sober and honestly I beat myself up about my relapse for weeks until a very wise person told that progress is not linear, relapses don’t erase progress. And that’s my story!
