My sponsor and best friend relapsed

It’s been a couple of months since last time I wrote something. I decided to take a break from ts. I started to doubt if I’m really an addict because of things one person wrote here at the forum. I can’t afford to doubt that. Feels nice to write here again and I saw many familiar names when i scrolled around a bit and that makes me really happy!

The reason I’m writing now is that yesterday my sponsor told me that they had relapsed the day before. They had been clean and sober for 8 years and have sponsored me for the last year.

The hardest thing about this is that they’re also my closest friend. I don’t really know how I should handle this. Right now I’m just trying to be supportive as a friend but at the same time I’m worried about our relationship as sponsor and sponsee. But what will happen now?

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

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Hello :blush:
These doubts about being / not being an addict are quite common. We’re trying to figure it out by comparing ourselves (the way we drink, experience, stories) with others. But just the fact that you’re questioning your drinking says that you have a problem.
I think everybody went through this uncertainty when you’re not sure where you really belong and whether you’re an addict or not :wink:

I have never had any sponsor and I don’t know anybody who would successfully stop drinking because of being addict so it’s hard to give advice here about the story you kindly shared (thank you for it). First of all - I’m sorry to hear about relapse after such a long time :woman_facepalming:t3: Hopefuly your friend will be alright and back on track :blush::four_leaf_clover:
Can I ask you for how long are you sober?

My story is that I stopped drinking for my boyfriend. I treated him very badly when I was drunk and all my previous relationship were destroyed exactly by this behaviour of mine. And I didn’t want the same happen to us. It’s very shortly said, the story is more colourful and difficult than this. But it’s not my point. What I want to say is that after months sober I have realised how benefitial sobriety is for me. Not only for my relationship but generaly for my life. Either it’s healing from depression and anxiety or developing better skills, memory and self-confidence. I started to love sobriety and sober Jana and so I am not doing it for my boyfriend anymore. I am doing it for myself and no matter what is going to happen with us I am going to be sober. If my boyfriend would leave me, I am staying sober. It’s my new life, priority and the way how I want to live :blush:

So whatever you’re going through now, put yourself first and do what you feel like to do. I believe you’ll be fine. Your sobriety doesn’t depend on anybody else but you and your choice :heart:


Hello thanks for sharing with us … I’m not great with advice but if I was in your situation I’d definitely support my sponsor they are human after all and as much as we look up to them they still have there own struggles … I’d probably wait a month or so until they are back on there feet to decide if I’d want them to carry on sponsoring me … the way it seems to work in my fellowship is if you relapse you go back through the 12steps programme so maybe that’s what your sponsor will do so u may need to find a temporary sponsor for a while. X


Great advice and congratulations on your sobriety…I too quit for my better half lol but now do it for me. I’m amazed how much better quality of life and the abundance of blessings I’m receiving from my Higher Power… that’s surely a sad story 8 years in the dumpster but pray they get back up. A lot of us don’t make it back… our foolish pride keeps us in limbo and deep depression… my last relapse was devastatingly painful…:weary::skull_and_crossbones:
I picked up where I left off…we feel better and stay out of our heads by helping other … prayers and meditation… keep up the good work and have a very blessed day…:mask::pray::sunglasses::grinning:

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Welcome to the community @Daryll.F64. :slight_smile::slight_smile:

Thank you Pants :jeans::peace_symbol:it’s great to be in here… thank you for the add :smiley::white_check_mark:many blessings to you and yours… have a safe joyous day !!!:sun_with_face:

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Just a quick pointer pal, if your replying to somebody it,s better to click on theword reply that’s within their comment rather than the blue reply at the bottom of the thread. That way they get the notification of your comment like you just got this one. :+1::slight_smile:

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You are his friend. He carried you through times where your sobriety was threatened and he has held himself accountable to you, by admitting his relapse. You are doing the right thing by being supportive. Now you can be who he leans on as he tries to find his way back to the sober path.

You being able to help the one who has helped you, shows that you are getting better at getting better.


Hello Daryll. Congratulation to you too! Grear you have such a mind-set at place :pray:t2::muscle:t3:
Well, I don’t consider a relapse as loosing any of the previous time of sobriety which you already had on your counter. You can’t delete the past and all you’ve gone through, all the experience you gained and learnt. You still can take it and use it for your benefit. So relaps after 8 years can be just super big reminder of how much drinking doesn’t worth the waste of your energy :blush:

Dont know if your sponsor has a sponsor so you can be supportive but im sure he will seek help from his sponsor wish him well

I feel for where you are right now. My sponsor (who had years of sobriety) relapsed when I was around eight months sober. I remember feeling so confused, scared, shaken and - because I was still ridiculously self-centered - I felt betrayed. How could she do this to me? For me, it raised the question - is relapse inevitable? Can I trust anything she has told me? Is this all just an illusion and we are all doomed to relapse?

For me, her relapse taught me some of the most important lessons in sobriety. She taught me about courage and the importance of honesty - with myself and others. She taught me that simply coming to meetings will not keep me sober; I have to practice these principles in all my affairs, or I am just a dry drunk. She taught me about humility - and the necessity of keeping my ego in check if I want to stay sober. Her experience - and her strength in sharing it - was such a gift to me.

After her relapse, she decided that she needed to take a break from sponsoring - which I totally understood. I felt adrift for a while, but what it did was force me to expand my sober network. I started talking to other drunks on a much deeper level. Though not my sponsor, my go-to person and best friend is someone I met in sobriety. For me, it is so important to foster those relationships outside of sponsorship so that i always know I have support in multiple places. My sponsor is just a small piece of the recovery pie.

Maybe it would be helpful to have a really honest discussion about what feels best for both of you? Perhaps your friendship continues and your sponsorship relationship shifts? In any case, I imagine that your sponsor is very thankful for your support at a really vulnerable time.