My new sponsor doesn’t seem that committed to me. It’s like I have to constantly have to remind her about me. She was suppose to call me yesterday at when we were going to meet she never called so I texted her. She didn’t reply till hours later. Saying she was going to call me. It’s been 5 hours late at night and she still hasn’t texted or called me. I’m really pissed off this is the 2nd time she has done this. I hate being abandon or when somebody says they are going to do something and don’t do it. I really wanna switch sponsors.
I’m sorry, man. I’m new to all this…am still detoxing and haven’t even looked up meetings in my area yet (I know, I should). Is it hard/awkward to switch sponsors?
I agree @Longhorn that your sponsor is not fulfilling her role! And I am not surprised that you are finding it a trigger! With something as important as your sobriety you need to have a sponsor who you can rely on… look for another one…but don’t let it mean you start drinking again…️
You can always get another sponsor. Don’t give yourself a shitty excuse to get shitty.
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can and the wisdom to know that one is me. My thoughts. My feelings. My actions.
Welcome to your first steps! How are you feeling? Please don’t let this post discourage you from getting a sponsor. My first one was amazing and I honestly didn’t want to switch we just felt it was time I worked with a female instead of a male. But having a sponsor is one of the best things that happen to you,
Thank you for asking! I’m feeling pretty okay, which is more than I could have ever imagined 11 days ago when I was still using. My pups and horror movies have been getting me through, but I’m definitely going to need to expand my support system. Maybe I’ll learn something valuable from how you handle this situation! You’ve got this ️
Getting a sponsor and working the steps is a huge relief! You feel like you can breath again. That’s why it’s so important I find one.
I’m not using it as an excuse to drink and I did ask her if everything was okay the first time she did this and she said yes that she just forgot about me. I know it’s not her job but it isn’t right to be left behind like this especially when your committed and trying your best to work the program!
You should generally keep your sponsor the same gender. Co sponsoring isnt recommended for reasons of its own. Maybe try a male sponsor … just dont give up! Some people have a few sponsors before finding that one they like. Goodluck!
I did have a male sponsor at first that’s why now I tried a female… if none of y’all have noticed I’m a female!
If your sponsor isn’t available and your feeling antsy, a support group is a tool to fall back on. If you’re without a support group get to a meeting and get some phone numbers. If you’re trying to move forward with step work go to 12 and 12 or big book meeting. Chances are pretty good at those sorts of meetings you can find a sponsor who might fit your needs better. There are tons of better solutions than turning to the drink. Sorry for the trouble though, I get how people getting flaky is frustrating.
I would talk to your sponsor and be clear on what you need in a sponsor. If she can’t meet that, cool, maybe she will have some recommendations! Hang in there love. You’re doing great fighting these temptations!
I was just gonna say pretty much what @MandiH said. I think you need to be clear that it’s not only your sobriety, but also your mental health. Definately seek out someone who can be much more present and available. She may be super cool, so keep her as a friend. Can’t have too many of those (says the girl who really doesn’t have or want many; people bother me too much). But definately find someone who can match your needs.
Hang in there my friend! I’m not in the program and if I was I don’t know which way I would go with a sponsor. The suggestion is always same sex, but in life I relate a lot more with men than women. But either way, I’m still pulling for you! Put yourself and your needs above anything else!
i sponsor 3 guys at the moment i tell them if they cant get in touch with me get phone numbers from group members and they can share with them, up to the day i havnt had any prob i keep a diary when we have meetings and work the steps ,wish you well
After a whole night of thinking about it. I’ve decided to put my Pride to the side and give my sponsor another chance. I’m definitely going to have a sit down and talk with her but I do agree we are all human and definitely not perfect.
It’s funny, I’m actually having problems with my sponsor as well and came to pretty much same conclusion that you did. I’m trying to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, rather than what I find to be bad.
Sounds like I have a very similar sponsor. When I can reach her, she is amazing. Great wisdom, kind of a hard ass (which I need), smart and supportive. Has been fantastic with my step work. Having said all that, I can reach her on the phone maybe one out of fifteen times. I went to her house as scheduled once and she was in NY! It’s not ideal, and I’ve thought of changing - but she’s a gem in some ways. I just try to have a list of ladies who I know will answer the phone if I need them, and I schedule my meetings with my sponsor for right after my women’s meeting - when I know she’ll be there. I’m sorry you are having this experience. I know you will never be like this if you ever take a sponsee!