Hi. I’m 27yrs old… I quit pain pills… but my husband he’s 40. is an active user. But not pills. I want to vent and have no one to talk to. I’m new to this. So here it goes… about everyday I get named called by my HUSBAND. I’m a “who’re”. Dumbass retarded stupid. I “suck every ones d###” supposedly . My HUSBAND cannot see I only want him and no one else… I’m still hanging in here thinking he will change like how he was when we met. When we met he was sober but he was a user as well before we met. He was sober cause he had court order conditions. Anyways now he’s not. … there are SOME days he’s nice. Like morning time when we wake up. But when evening time rolls around he calls me names, says were over, finds something to complain or accuse me of… Everyday I’m accused of sleeping or having sexually with SOME one and really I’m not… I’m at work!
Like example today we both came home and there was a beer bottle on the porch, he accused me of having someone over while he was at work and me didn’t work… Like wtf? Or me winking at someone and I didn’t… or being flirty and I’m not… why is he so insecure or thinking I’m doing stuff in reality I’m not?! Is it him using make him think that? He also said one time I was dancing on the porch with my panties only. Also crazy more things but I’m embarrassed to say…
So anyways, when pple use the needle, does it make them have crazy thoughts in there head? And verbally be mean to there spouse ?
I don’t no why I put up with this crap.But were married and I keep telling myself hell change or go back the way it use to be… … I’m very pretty but he makes me feel ugly. . That’s another thing. He pays more attention sexually on porno than me… He can watch it everyday. At first I didn’t care about porno till it’s all the time to where my sex drive don’t get much attention like the tv. I hate that addiction too… porno!porno and drugs… He makes me.feel so.ugly 
@
Anyways should I leave . Stay. Work out on marriage or what
That’s shit. Is he using ice?
I feel for you. Hope you don’t put up with it for much longer.
He won’t change because your allowing him to get away with his hurtful actions. I’m not saying leave, because I get it can be so hard. I think you should talk to someone, pychologist, there good at helping with this kind of abusive behaviour. I was in a similar situation I left. But I’m not saying it’s easier when you leave but it gets better. And you find yourself again. And then you never put up with that shit again!
Once I read that when a person’s brain really starts to go the prefrontal lobe is the first part that’s effected. It links everything and moderates, personality expression, complex thinking, social behavior, and descision making. What I originally read said it’s where our morals lie. I’m sorry to give the news to you like this. I try to ease into things but I haven’t been able to sleep tonight for no real reason. But, it sounds like your on a sinking ship. Believe me when I say that guy you loved is not coming back. Not entirely. You might get bits and pieces every now and then. If he can quit. I’m startlingly lucid when I’m about to fall asleep and when I wake up too. That doesn’t mean I should be in a relationship. The mind can’t be taken apart and put back together the same way. My advice is to do whatever you decide slowly and really think it through. I’m so very sorry.
It doesn’t sound like to me that he’s willing to work out anything. He’s comfortable where he is, abusing and gaslighting you and hiding away in his addictions (and I do use plural because if you’re being neglected by his porn usage then it’s addictive behavior.). Unless he begins working on fixing himself and pulling away from his destructive garbage, he’s never going to get better.
I’d advise getting to a stable point where you’re self sufficient or can be, then “taking a break” from him. Lay it out that something needs to change before you come back, and walk away. Because you do not deserve to be treated like this.
That’s my two cents.
I am sorry you are being treated so horribly. I don’t know your situation, but I recommend calling the domestic abuse hotline in your area and discussing your situation with them. No one deserves to be treated that way.
I’m so sorry. I think I read you posted another time about this, he doesn’t come home on payday, and all of his verbal abuse. You are amazing for not using during this stress. This is no way for you to live. Hope you take some of everyone’s advice here. Good luck to you and keep posting.
Sounds like he needs to work on himself before he can be in a relationship with anyone.
I was married to my x husband 12 years, we had 4 children, 3 living, he was exactly like yrs in the beginning, and it only got worse, he became a narcissistic misogynistic sadist, please know U DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE ANYONE, ONLY THAT PERSON CAN CHANGE THEMSELVES, IF THEY WANT THE CHANGE. I SUFFER FROM UNTREATED PTSD FOR PAST 18 YEARS, I’M 8 M CLEAN AND 7 M SOBER, sorry I forgot to turn caps off I’m not yelling, . He needs help, n if u can leave till he either gets help it will get worse. I finally left cause I didn’t want to be a statistic in the news paper n have my family read my obituary that my husband killed me. Your husband is using, there’s no telling what he’s capable of. Take care of u n be brave. Talk to a professional.
I won’t pretend to have a happy marriage…my husband can be a real jackass. Angry, condescending, mocking… And I stick it out. I know he’s not a bad guy, he just lets his stress get the better of him. And I remind him when he’s gone too far and usually he realises it. Still, I’ve had many people tell me that his behaviour is not good at all and is at least bordering on verbal abuse if not already crossed the line.
BUT…
What you are describing is something that horrifies me. For all the crap I put up with I could never put up with that. It may be just his addiction that is saying all those horrible things but that doesn’t mean you should stick it out in the hopes that it would get better. Maybe he will and you will happily ever after but he has to get clean for that to happen.
My honest gut reaction is that you don’t necessarily need to divorce your husband but you do need to get out of there. You need to leave and he needs to get clean and THEN you can see if the marriage is salvageable. His behaviour is dangerous to you and your own sobriety. You have to put you first.
But don’t do it because I said so. Talk to someone. Either make an appointment or call a hotline. Actually, I think an abuse hotline might be the best. They will be straight with you. They will tell you if you are in danger. They will help you get out if you need to.
HUGS
I suggest talking with a personal therapist if you can get access to one.
It doesn’t sound like a good relationship for you but only you can decide that. Working with a therapist might help you look at what works for you in the relationship and what doesn’t.
I can’t stress Al-Anon enough. It has saved me!!! Please look into it and give at least 5-7 meetings before you decide not to continue. Go to different locations and meetings to find your home base. There is also a very nice online Al-Anon forum board /chat for meetings in the evening
http://www.12stepforums.net/alanon.html
Run away as fast as you can dont look back. I wish someone had told me. You deserve to be happy.
You encourage such activity by staying with him when he is like this. So you have a hand in it as well.
Ouch, not cool. Leaving an abusive spouse can be life threatening and easier said than done. Educating herself and getting support…thru the local domestic abuse line and AlAnon and a therapist if possible, are all positive steps.
My ex husband was an alcoholic and was mentally/verbally/emotionally abusive. He also became extremely controlling. I finally started seeing a therapist after 5 years and it only took her one session to tell me " if you don’t leave you will die. either he will kill you or you will become so depressed that you kill yourself." Up until that point I had never really considered leaving him, I was actually going to the counselor just to see if we could get help communicating. Leaving was the best decision I ever made no matter how terrifying it was at the time.
You deserve love. You deserve respect. You are enough.
@MillieJade…this is horrifying to read . It sounds like you need out. No one deserves to be treated that way.
You cannot change him…that is something he has to do for himself. U cannot blame yourself for how he is; he is the only one responsible for his actions and behavior.
Do not stay with him out of fear, or concern over being alone. There are an abundance of good people out there who would never treat someone they love like that. Don’t allow his abuse to hold any kind of power over your life.
Only you can decide if you want to be happy and free. I am sorry you are dealing with this and I hope you find peace and happiness.
That’s not the most constructive reply my friend
Victims aren’t to blame for the actions of their abusers. Abusive partners are manipulative and controlling. Many times, the abused partner stays in a relationship out of sheer fear of what physical trauma will happen to them if they leave. Other times, they stay in a relationship because of the codependency issues that occur…they begin to blame them self for the abusive partner’s actions…believing it was somehow their fault their partner is an a-hole. She’s not to blame, anymore than a child who is abused by a parent is to blame for their abuse. By implying that she has a part in responsibility for it, it only reinforces the negative hold that the abuser has on her.
She IS good enough, this is NOT her fault, she deserves better and she is reaching out for advice and help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 (800) 799-7233