I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through, it sounds like a lot. Is your wife open to the idea of therapy? I used to have this texting exes habit and terrible impulse control, but it would only happen while I was very drunk. That’s no excuse, and it did hurt my husband and I plan on spending the rest of my life making it up to him. It stopped with sobriety coupled with years of mental health treatment and working on my underlying issues.
Sadly, if your wife chooses to go back to drinking, you can only control your reaction to it. There’s a very supportive thread here for people with loved ones who are still caught in their addiction. It might be worth a read.