ALERT: Some of the names / details in this story have been changed to secure my secret identity.
Hello people, I’m new to this application and joined like a few hours ago. It’s great to track use, eventual relapses and the amount of money you save by not using the drugs each day. I’ve now registered to this forum and read many inspirational and motivational stories from people which were sometimes heartbreaking. It is time for me to share mine, some of the things I am going to share haven’t been told to anyone else so its kinda hard for me to talk about this.
I’m from Europe and I am twenty-three years old male who has been using drugs since the age of thirtheen. Ten years history of using and experimented with many different substances. 4-HO-MET, Cocaine, Amphetamines, Alcohol, Nicotine, 3mmc, 4mmc, 4fa, Ketamine, XTC (MDMA), GHB, LSD, Mushrooms, Salvia, Devil’s Breath (Scopolamine), THC, 4fma, 3fma, DMT, 4-HO-DMT and many coctails which released another chemicals when combined.
I was thirteen when they came to my school to pick me out of the class. Brendan, they said. Please, can you follow us outside? I saw in their eyes that something wasn’t right and I felt the floor sinking underneath my feet. I began to shake while following them outside. We have to tell you something but it might be better if you sit down. I sat down onto the chair and they continued. We have bad news for you, your parents are here. Your brother has died in a car accident, he is at the hospital. I rushed towards my parents and rushed towards the hospital. Doctor’s couldn’t tell us anything, is he dead? Will he survive? Nothing. It was a hell of a day when finally a doctor showed up, he told us that he is stabilized, but held in an artificial coma because he would suffer from too much pain if they didn’t. We were convinced he would recover and were relieved. Days went by and we visited them whenever we could, then… my mom her phone starts ringing and I pick it up. Hello? It was the hospital telling us to go there right away. I called for my mom and we raced towards the hospital, I could remember we were caught driving way above the speed limits and through red lights. The cops pulled us over but eventully guided us there when we said what was going on. Once arrived the doctor had to bring us the bad news, he died. They had to perform an emergency surgery and he didn’t make it. We start crying for hours, visiting him one last time to say goodbye.
I was traumatized, yet I didnt expect it too impact my life this much as it did now.
At first I began heading to parties, people their homes, and so on almost two times each weekend. I start with drinking alchohol until I couldn’t walk anymore and they had to bring me home. A year went by, before my brother died I used to hang at home, study and play videogames. I barely came outside and didn’t use any drugs except for some weed with my brother every now and then. So I went from a housebug to a streetkid in only a matter of time. I met the wrong friends and at some point I was offered XTC. I took it, the best night I experienced in a while. I started doing this every weekend and then even during the week to a point I took up to fiftheen pills a day. My serotonin was fucked up and the qauntities could kill me at these levels. I continued this until the age of sixteen, where I discovered amphetamine. Xtc didn’t do the job anymore and I began with amphetamine. I came to a point where I was drinking, using xtc and amphetamine while doing amphetamine during the week now I was only using xtc in the weekend. This behaviour continued for another two years. I quit school and start to work. I met cocaine. I now dropped xtc completely since it didnt affect me anymore, even now in the present I would just fall a sleep if I’d take a few pills. I start drinking and snorting on a daily base. At work, at home, everywhere. My paycheck couldn’t pay for it and I start to deal. I had to buy ten grams a day to cut half and sell to get my invest back and consumed like three grams myself. Then, a few months later I met a girl. I was in love, for the first time in my short life I was in love. It felt like using xtc for the first time. We began a relationship and even came to a point where we got married. I was happy. I quitted drugs without problems and bought a house with her. This continued for two years and a half, at this point I was twenty-one when she dumped me. My world collapsed, we had to divorce and left both of us with huge debts because we had to sell the house this soon. At first I controlled myself and only drink a few beers a day… not much later I began to meet up with my old friends who I left behind for 2 years because I wanted to quit. I began using again. I maintained my use to cocaine and alcohol only and mostly just to two times a weekend. But again I spent my whole paycheck in the weekend. I got in trouble for driving under influence and crashed two cars in total and even parked one inside a living room. This now continued for 1 year and a half when I switched back to amphetamind three months ago. It was cheap, I saved a lot of money and started investing. I dont have to work no more for the rest of my life after some good investments. So, having plenty of money I began using more and more to a point where I kept snorting untill I fell a sleep and once I woke up I took another line right away.
I start to experience huge side effects weeks ago. I noticed that where I took breaks of a few days in the beginning I had trouble doing that now. I barely could stay sober for twelve hours. Yesterday I had huge pain near my heart and I blacked out for two hours. I woke up and decided to stop, I threw all away. So here I am one day and four hours sober.
Thank you for reading my story.
It’s missing a lot of events that happened between my age of thirteen and now. But yet I’m typing this on a phone but I might add the full story once.
Message → Don’t do drugs, they may fuck you up at some point. I wasted a total of €180.000 throughout the years on all sort of drugs. A small house.
The other substances I mentioned in the beginning I only used a few times, but if I need to write down my life story I’d rather make a book. (Which I’m going to do.)
Kind regards
