I grew up with a pretty normal and great childhood, my parents both worked. My dad worked for freightliner, and my mom in the medical field. I was an innocent boy, middle child at that. Grew up playing every sport I could and excelling at every one, except basketball, I hated basketball.
I was an A student all the way through 6th grade.
And this is when the story gets dark…
The summer before 6th grade I played on a select baseball team for my city, we were good, and the coach loved me ( I thought since I had so much talent.)
I was wrong.
One day he came over to me and my dad and asked if we wanted to go watch the cardinals play in St. Louis. Hed pay for tickets we just had to pay airfare. My Dad and I talked about it and agreed.
The first (of many) trips went just fine. I had a great time and we all flew back together.
However about a week later he came up to me and asked if I wanted to go to another sporting event. I said yes right away because i rarely got to see live sports at the professional level. Later did i find out I was going with him alone and not with my dad. This trip was fine, i was just a little homesick. We came back the next day.
We went on countless more “free” trips. But the one that started my turmoil,disgust, anger, and loss of confidence was when we decided to Drive from nebraska to New Orleans for the super bowl (the one right after 9/11) Patriots and Rams I believe. You know the one where the Patriots won by that last second field goal… yeah I was right behind the goal post…
Back to the 19 he drive to new Orleans. That was the first time of many i was sexually abused by that sick individual. I cant even remember how many times he did probably more than 20 times. That’s not including the times I’d fall asleep in a hotel bed, and wake up with him in my bed, not his bed, right beside me in mine. Not sure what happened. A lot of other stuff happened that I wont say because it is truly disgusting. And that went on for 2 to 3 years. Ages 10-13.
After I finally confessed to my parents what was happening they cut ties with him obviously and we started getting death threats. Those stopped eventually.
It’s been 18 years since I saw that sicko. But 2 months ago he tried adding me on facebook. I was disgusted.
After all that trauma i pushed it to the back of my head and at age 14 I discovered benzos. I was prescribed them for sleep. Shortly after that hydrocodone had a way better feeling so I started taking those. I continued experimenting with every substance known to man, I have done every drug, every research chemical out there, except for PCP. I’m not exaggerating at all, every single one of them.
My opiate problem got out of hand when I tore my rotator cuff, and a host of other important things in my shoulder playing baseball in college. So I went and had surgery. I was excited because I knew I’d get tons of opiates. Which I did. Over the span of 3 or 4 months I got a total of 270 hydrocodone 7.5s ALONG with 270 oxycodone 5/325s. And they were not used as prescribed I’ll tell you that right now.
And that began my addiction.
From then on out I escalated from those pills to methadone, to oxycontin 80s, to dilaudid, to opana, to fent patches, to heroin, and finally pure fentanyl powder.
I’ve overdosed 6 times in the past 4 years, my wife had to do CPR on me and twice give me narcan. Shes seen me dead everytime it happened. Once being 2 times in one day. And then I started a suboxone regiment for 2.5 years. 2 and a half fucking years of suboxone. Ridiculous.
So I started doing benzos since I couldnt do opioids anymore. Started with xanax and clonazepam. But xanax grabbed me. First dose was .5mg, and before I knew it I was taking 40mg (20 bars) just to feel.
Wrecked countless cars, got a dui, attempt child neglect ( because when I overdosed the second time bath water was running for my daughter, she wasnt in the bathroom though and my wife was 10 feet away in living room) but that’s besides the point.
I had enough when I kept failing my UAs and was facing 12 months in jail. So I checked myself into keystone in south dakota on Jan 19th 2020. And have been sober since.
I’m sure I’ve left quite a bit out but that’s the jist of my story
)))