My Story: in my 20’s and ready to be sober

Your Story
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My dad was/is? a functioning alcoholic my entire life. My parents split when I was a young teenager, after staying together for way too long, my dad moved.

After several years I reached out and we got dinner, I couldn’t tell if he was sober

It felt like I was looking at myself in 20 years if I didn’t change. He had lost everything he worked for because he couldn’t stop drinking; he believed that he could function as an alcoholic and refused to go to aa meetings because those people had lost their families and at the time he was still living with us.

My dad and I both have severe mental health issues- something that my brother and mother don’t understand. Drinking made us comfortable.

I took after him, I got into accidents, and eventually got into more trouble

After another year of taking shots in the morning and passing out by the afternoon, constant puking ,fights, denial, smoking all day when I couldn’t handle how I felt, I began to understand that this was no way to live.

I have always thought of myself highly and refused to acknowledge that I can’t handle my liquor. I just tried to drink “like a normal person” because everyone made it look easy.

I am ready to accept that I am someone who is better without alcohol.

More than that I am sick of my behavior. I am sick of being a version of my dad they can’t get out of the house. I am sick of putting my family through stress and disappointment and I am so sick of feeling bad all the time.

I am very hard on myself. I believed for a while that it is up to me and me only to quit drinking because it was my problem and my responsibility.

I will be required to go to aa meetings in a little over a week, I am nervous considering I am young and standoffish, not a seasoned alcoholic, and I’m worried about feeling invalidated because I am still able to quit cold turkey without my body shutting down, unlike most people in aa.

Never drinking again does sound unpleasant to me, but becoming my father is worse and I am willing to sacrifice my comfort to make myself and my family proud.

I have thought this way before and relapsed because I was not truthful with myself or anyone else. I have an addictive personality, that is my weakness and so I cannot self medicate.

Right now I have been sober from my doc for a couple days.

I can’t wait until I can sleep at night without being consumed with anxiety, guilt, shame, disappointment and an absurd amount of sweat. I believe that with time and sobriety those things will clear.

I appreciate any and all support, advice, stories, or anything that someone with sober experience may have to say. This is the first time my sobriety is my number one priority. And if you are also in your 20s going through this- we can do this 🩷

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Hi there, welcome!
AA is not the only method (I’m not suggesting to completely discard it), however it is the “only game in town” in most places. It didn’t work for me but it did for many other people and it’s always about whatever works for you. As an alternative you might want to look into Rational Recovery or CBT, plus there are plenty of sobriety related podcasts and literature. And by all means, read the first post here on the forum “What’s your plan”.
Good that you recognize that using alcohol to change how you feel is self medication, I found that I’m actually an introvert when I started getting sober and addressed my anxiety (and crippling self criticism).
On further note, addictive gene has never been proven, nor the diagnosis for it, so you can rest assured there’s nothing inherently wrong with you, it’s the addictive substances that make an addict. Take any substance enough times and anyone will become addicted. Take sugar for example. And alcohol is really, I mean really, addictive. But the solution is simple - abstinence. It takes a while to get comfortable in it but it’s absolutely worth it.
Stay strong, explore everything related to sobriety and you will find your way and lasting sobriety. Wish you all the luck!

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Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I am hoping I get to choose which program I do but I’m assuming it’s going to be aa, I was looking at women’s aa or SMART recovery. I have yet to look into recovery dharma. I’m hoping that I can enroll in a program before my court date and tell the judge in hopes for some grace.
Unfortunately I am court ordered to take some classes- I just don’t know how many hours yet.

Thank you for validating that there is nothing wrong with me. At the end of the day I am not doomed to become my father and I have control over what substances I put into my body. I’m already doing better than he is :confused:

Thank you again- if you have any advice as to what groups have worked for u/ didn’t work for u I would love to hear. I am out of touch when it comes to meetings and I’m trying to order all my options.

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I will look into Rational Recovery as well as CBT, Im not exactly sure what/ if I will be comfortable being vulnerable anywhere. I will have to do more research. I have never been in any recovery groups. This is my first time sharing my experience

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Rational Recovery as a program is no longer in operation but SMART Recovery is based on similar principles.

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A quick search says the SMART recovery is non religious and court approved/ordered which sounds great to me.
Women for Sobriety also caught my eye- as a young woman I would be more comfortable in that crowd (I think).

Thank you for introducing me to these programs. I can use all the advice and guidance I can get. This community has helped me immensely.

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. Id encourage you to write down all these reasons why you dont want to use and you can refer back to it

Also, I just wanted to point out a misconception here of aa. There are a variety of people in aa with varying stories of lows or how well they can function with a hangover but id encourage you to go to your first meeting with an openmind and willingness to entertain a different way of living. Change isnt easy but finding support in this process is crucial

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I think @SassyRocks spent some time with Women for Sobriety - maybe she can share a bit about her experience?

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I quit when I was 27. I wanted to stop drinking. It wasn’t that hard for me, personally. I had a lot of peer pressure to continue drinking. I had that for a long time, but it didn’t really bother me or trigger me because I knew that I didn’t want to drink. I had drank for a long time and I was done with it.
I have never ever regretted my decision to not drink. And when I think about it, I think more about the calories saved than I think about what kind of benefit I might’ve gotten from drinking, which in my mind is nothing.
I have said before, I wanted to be 100%, 100% of the time. I wanted to always be able to drive and drive safely. I always wanted to be able to take care of those around me who needed taken care of. I wanted to do those things without alcohol.
I never missed it, sure at the beginning it was different not to be drinking every day. But fairly soon it was pretty much off my brain and out of my life as far as me wanting to drink. I have always been around it.
You’re doing a good thing here putting your story out here for others to read and also getting suggestions and input from everyone. Support is crucial and also helpful. A combination of support is good. You will find your own niche.
I believe that you need to put some space between the drinking you and the non-drinking you and look at which one you like better. I’m glad you’re here and made the decision not to drink.

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I was a member of Women for Sobriety about 9 or 10 years ago. It felt like an older crowd (and I was in my early 50s then). It could be totally different now of course. I was also quite active with Soberistas (UK based and more my speed, tho I am in the US)…again, this was years ago. I definitely gained knowledge from all the groups I was in and books I read. The books this Naked Mind and Quit Like A Woman have been defining for me. This forum remains my community support. Idk which programs are approved where you are…if WFS is, definitely try them out. I am a supporter of women centric recovery.

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Hello, Ava :hugs:

Parts of your story truly resonate with me and I think it’s amazing that you’re sharing it.
This is a big step in your healing :mending_heart:

My mom is a severe alcoholic at this point in her life. She also has many other issues and personality disorders that make it impossible for her to see the problem in her behavior.
In June I found myself angry and frustrated with her, all the while taking shots of vodka with her.
Basically following her exact footsteps.
I realized then that if I didn’t want to end up like her, I needed to face the fact that I had to stop drinking.
There were many reasons I needed to stop, but seeing her as my potential future was a big wake up call.

I’m so glad you’ve made this decision.
It will continue to get better.
I’m proud of you. We’re all proud of you!
And most of all we all understand that this path isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it.

Keep checking in every day. :black_heart:

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