Hey guys, I guess I am in the mood to tell my story this morning. It brings me strength as painful as it is to relive but here we go…
I was prescribed Adderall when I was 15 years old for ADD. I actually didn’t like it at first so went off it for a few years then started it again when I was 21 and working full time. The industry I was in was go-go-go so once in a while I would take a little more than prescribed but not often. That slowly became more and more over the next 10 years or so fighting with the addiction side of it on and off. The past 3 or 4 years was the worst Adderall addiction I was ever in. A mother of two, working and trying to keep up. Fighting a mental strength every day to keep up with society and my life. Before I knew it I had 4 different dealers, a prescription of my own and also stealing my husbands behind his back. I was prescribed 30mg a day and was taking an average of 400 mg of adderall a day. It consumed my life. It’s was all I thought about, all I cared about and all I did. When I wasn’t taking it I was trying to figure out when I could get it, when I did have it all I was doing was counting pills and eating them. At the dose I had been taking for so long, I should have been dead a long ass time ago. The anxiety of my Adderall being a stimulant made me drink more, and all of a sudden I was cracking a beer at 8 or 9 am every day, picking my kids up from school trying to cover up the smell of beer, and smoking about a quarter ounce of weed every week at night to come down, along with abusing my klonopin prescription. I was carried out the front door of founders brewery last year on a stretcher with firefighters and emt around me shining a flashlight in my eyes asking me who the president was… and still to this day Dont know what happened that night. I had been having a 3 year affair with my drug dealer and my life was completely out of control and I didn’t care nor did i recognize it or think it was a big deal. I confided in a friend this year and they ended up telling my husband everything. He almost left me and my family had an intervention for me on June 10th, the last time I used or drank. Ive been sober for 136 days now and still have a lifetime to go and a lifetime to clean up the mess I’ve made. I have no friends because the friends I did have were from drugs. I’ve neglected my children for years. I put drugs first always. The addiction and disease took over and the only times they would get in the car and leave were for drug runs. I hate myself for this mostly. I spent 8 hours after I got sober, picking out the dread locks out of my daughters hair with a metal dental cleaning tool. I was so incredibly good at hiding my addiction and far too ashamed to ever go to anyone about it that i knew i would die if i wasn’t caught but i didn’t seem to care at the time, or i thought it would never happen or i would one day get better… i don’t know. I will NEVER be this shit of a person I was again and I truly cannot believe this had happened to me. I now coach my daughters soccer team and volunteer in her kindergarten class twice a week. I spend every waking moment loving my children as they should be loved and I am the mom I knew I could and would be. I hate and love sharing this story. This is the short version, go easy on me😉 peace love and strength to you all. I am so glad I have found this community. All done with rehab, seeing an individual counselor once a week and marriage counselor once a week as well. Things will never be as they were, for the better. I am thankful to be alive and I know I wouldn’t have made it to see 2019. Thanks for reading.
Pic above: Me hiding from the world, then 4 months sober.
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Thank you so much @dot.dot.dot . That truly means a lot.
@KerryS Wow, what a story! Glad you are on your sober journey. Keep up all the good work your doing.
This post is freakishly relevant to me because i was just consider making a post about adhd and Ritalin, as just been diagnosed as an adult.
Thanks for sharing leaves, me a lot to still consider.
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Thanks for sharing your story. So glad seeing you here sharing your journey. I love your posts. You’re very inspiring to many of us. Wish you well.
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Thanks for sharing.
You cannot change the past. You can only change you, and by changing you, you change your present, and your future.
You’ve decided to be better, and now you are better. Keep getting better at getting better, each and every day!
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Thanks for sharing! You’re making all the right moves. Keep it up!
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Ah @KerryS - your story brought me to tears. The courage that you show in sharing your story is inspiring. Your honesty will help so many people who feel like they are alone in their struggles. I know the feeling of realizing that you are not the parent you want to be. That’s not you any more - and it never has to be again. Your journey is incredible, and you are working so hard to build a better life for yourself and your family, and you are absolutely glowing with health and happiness. Congratulations.
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This is so inspiring. It actually made me tear up reading about your life as a parent before and after becoming sober because I can connect so strongly to this. The picture of you before you were sober really magnifies the effects of addiction. In the first picture there is no light in your eyes, you look tired and unhappy. The second picture you are glowing, your eyes are shining, and your skin is radiant. Sobriety looks beautiful on you mama. I am proud of you!
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Wow, I have no words. Thanks you so much. Means more than you know 
️
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Thank you so much for this beautiful comment. Touches my heart in a really great way❤️
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Amazing and inspiring story, Kerry! It took a lot of guts to share your story. And it took an incredible amount of strength to pull yourself out of the grip of addiction. I wish you all the best in your recovery and the healing that you and your family must go through. You are on a very positive & healthy path and I’m happy you’re here with us. Stay strong!
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