Long story short, I’ve been sneaking around buying vapes and zyns and the occasional hard seltzers without telling my wife. I don’t want that stuff in my house and I don’t want people to know I do it so I do it by myself in the garage or in my car. I’ve been caught a few times and the issue is being sneaky and not telling my wife what I’m doing. I can’t help it. I don’t want anyone to know. I’m so ashamed because I feel terrible so I hide it. Well the cats out of the bag and my wife knows everything and she’s devastated. But now I feel like I can openly start seeking help. I thought I could control it on my own without her knowing. Or maybe to going to the extent of going to therapy without her knowing. But now I want to quit for me and not because I’m afraid of getting caught. It has been a huge relief because now I can seek professional help which I have found a rehab therapist and an appointment set for next week. Anyways today has been a day of rigorous honesty with my wife who isn’t ready to listen yet and I’ve been surrendering to God through prayer. These post I’ve seen have helped me so much already and wanted to participate and share what I’m going through. Last night I made a choice to change for me. I want to change because I DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE. And not because I’m scared of being caught but because I don’t want it anymore. This morning has been really hard and I feel alone in my own house because of it. I just needed some encouragement. Day one almost down.
Motivation + action, that is a recipe for success. I committed myself to staying sober from the time I awoke until I went back to bed, and figured after commuting and work and eating and going to an AA meeting, I really only had 3-4 hours to get through on my own. I let tomorrow take care of itself, I could not fathom a future of sobriety, and when I started, I wasn’t sure I could make it a week, for sure not a month. So one day became my goal.
You can find an AA or NA meeting before your therapy appointment next week to bolster your sobriety.
Thank you so much. I found an NA in town for tomorrow and I was planning on going!I kinda of have the same schedule too and it’s true I only have 3-4 hours out of the day. Thank you and that will be my
Goal for tomorrow! I’m almost at a full day with no vape which seemed impossible before