Tonights issue:
I used to regular at this bar about an hour from home (I live in the middle of nowhere and it used to be on my drive home)
My last relapse was a long one so im still dealing with a few concequences such as this.
I met with a client and they need to drop off parts for me. This one part is large and theyre a regular at this bar. Its the only day, time, and likely only spot they’ll be available to meet. I dont know that they would be willing to meet elsewhere and i also dont want to approach the conversation of me being sober with them. So I need to go and follow through on my commitments regardless of the environment.
Wednesdays issue :
I left my two favorite jackets at a different bar (the second to last night of relapse) and im so greatful they have it. I gotta go and collect them. This wont be too difficult, as I dont know anyone there and ill just hit it early when its not crowded. Its still a risk tho. And its also a responsability of mine to correct my mistakes.
When you guys are in difficult sittuations like this, fresh into recovery, how do you mentally overcome it. Ive already cancelled on a few family functions and am keeping myself away from the environment itself otherwise. But these senerios are different. I dont have someone to do my bidding. I need to collect these items and get the heck out. The wednesday issue I believe is going to be straight forward and totally achievable. Tonights challenge is looking pretty tough. Doable, but im nervous. Everyone talks about making an plan to stay sober . Maybe I need help making one when subjecting myself to a risky situation. What mental games or ideas do you guys have for something like this?
If this are just - get inside the bar, ask for items, do exchange, and leave scenarios - I’d suggest a checkin and checkout accountability. You checkin with someone - us here for example - before you enter the premises, and you check out when you are leaving clean and sober again.
You should be able to avoid these kinds of situations in the future, but right now your job is to get in there, do your stuff, and get out.
This is also a good idea. Only problem with tonight is theyre going to want to talk about the project a bit more so ill have to go in and sit down with a diet coke or something.
So they might meet somewhere else. Try to arrange it.
Why not? For us all here sobriety should come before everything else. Everything. Whatever the reason you don’t want to tell, staying sober is more important. Literally life and death. Stay sober. Whatever it takes. Tell and drink water. Or don’t tell and drink water. Think up an excuse. And when pushed say the truth. Or tell a lie. It doesn’t matter. Staying sober is number one by far. Is my advice. Said with love. Success
I might be a little late to this convo but I would try to rearrange the location. In my opinion, you don’t even need to explain yourself as to why. Being sober is your business and your own choice as to who you share it with. And I say all this in a nice way not a sassy way. That’s just the way I personally function… it sometimes is nobody’s business. Just a simple, “This location would just make it a bit easier for me. If not, I can still meet you at xyz.”
If the location is set on the bar, just stick to the plan and not your emotions. Get the items, stay on topic, order your diet coke, and go home. Don’t let your anxieties or fears get the best of you. I know it’s easier said than done. But you’ve come so far! You got this! Stay away from the actual bar area and get a table seat, if possible. And I found the fizzy drinks drinks help so you should be good with the diet coke. Good luck and keep us updated!
Suggestion meeting somewhere else that is near by not your favorite bar. What is the worse that can happen they say no. If you have to meet there I would get the stuff from them and say sorry I can not stay, I had some family stuff come up or something like that. You shouldn’t have to feel obligated to meet at that particular spot. Your sobriety is at risk!
This one may be too simple, but assuming you drive to both occasions: isn’t it enough to say to others (and know in your heart of hearts!) that drinking & driving is a huge no-no at all times?
As an update i decided it was too risky to go tonight. I lied and said something came up that was an emergency and that id figure out a plan to meet them tomorrow. Hopefully I can just meet them somewhere thats safer. And if i plan it right I can do it right after I pick up my jackets so ive got another reason to leave that bar as fast as possible. Some suggested calling ahead and meeting them in the parking lot which is a solid idea I wanted to do, but this bar doesnt have a phone? Who doesnt have a phone now days wtf. So as for tonight. Im home. Im sober. And maybe I can work this out in a way thats simpler to navigate.
For those wondering why I’m not super forward about sobriety, its a personal choice. I like to keep my life pretty private, especially with clients. With friends and family I stay quiet because in the past people who have supposidly been there to support me end up sabotaging me. Are my family and friends all good for me? Who knows , but i dont wanna figure that out by risking my sobriety or life goals like i have in the past. Regardless I keep the majority of people at arms reach so its not really any of their buisness what goals I have for myself.
That’s just the way I personally function… it sometimes is nobody’s business. Just a simple, “This location would just make it a bit easier for me. If not, I can still meet you at xyz.” 
But you’ve come so far! You got this! Stay away from the actual bar area and get a table seat, if possible. And I found the fizzy drinks drinks help so you should be good with the diet coke. Good luck and keep us updated!
