“I have learned to love the thing that I most wish had not happened. After all, what punishments of God are not gifts? It’s a gift to exist, yet with existence comes suffering. You learn to take the valleys just as gracefully as you take the mountain tops. Or that’s the hope anyways… Good, bad. Joy, pain. They intermingle. It’s what makes this splendid, beautifully tragic experience, we call life. What a wild thing, to just be alive❤️”
August 30th will be two years. Two years free from the chains of addiction and two years of the most intense grief I’ve ever experienced. Two years without you… Two years of standing on my own shaky feet, being knocked down more times than I care to count and yet still getting back up to stand on those same shaky feet. Two years of being a single parent, something I never intended on being. Yet I am all the same. Two years of searching for signs that you’re somehow still around and to be honest, hardly ever seeing those signs. Two years of trying to make sure I make you proud, that I make sure you died for a reason. Two years of making sure your legacy didn’t end inside that little porta potty alongside the hwy that you entered, where you began to smoke that innocent looking pill, on that dusty job site. Where you ultimately drew your last breath. Two years of screaming your name from the rooftops, demanding you be remembered.
Two years of fighting every urge in my body to run back to the poison that once made me so numb. Two years of feeling my emotions hit me at full force. These last two years I have cried enough tears I could create an ocean that rivals that of the pacific. I have drawn strength from places I didn’t know existed. I have won battles and devastatingly lost battles as well. But what I’ve come to know most in these two years is, how capable Sarahya is. It has taken me two years but I have found me and I am stronger and more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed. I KNOW Daniel is proud. More importantly, Sarahya is❤️
Nearly two years of searching for Sarahya and somehow, slowly I’ve found her. I have survived that which was meant to destroy me and I have done so, sober. 
May I never forget the pit in which I crawled my way out of two years ago on August 30, 2022. The most agonizing and most beautiful day of my life.
Strung out Vs now, nearly two years sober
The most beautiful Man I’ve ever known. My husband and now what remains of him, a stark reminder to never play with life again. 
