I literally feel alone but I do have a husband and a son buy my side all the time but yet I feel alone I don’t now if that’s normal or not but that’s where I’m at right now
And that’s been happening for a while now and I have a great life I’m not complaining but I deal with a lot raising our son he’s literally only 9 months old and I love every single bit of it but some days or harder then others especially when I fight mental health.
Mental health literally is a lot on me every single day it’s extremely hard and difficult to get out of bed some days but that smile from our baby boy evrey morning is worth getting out of bed because I now I have to be there for him
But lately I’ve gust been really burnt out mentally and physically and thing is I have a hard time communicating that to my husband because I feel like maybe he’ll feel like I’m not acknowledging
His feelings and acknowledging how he’s tired and stuff like that
I pretty much live like this on a daily loop it’s like clockwork he goes to work every day and I stay home every day running around running errands with a child on my hip like always which doesn’t really bother me the bothersome part is when he comes home barely helps and complains on how exhausted he is not acknowledging on how exhausted I might feel at the moment at least it feels like that
In a way he does try his best but to me I need more from him to be honest but I don’t now how to go about it without making him feel like I don’t see what he does because I do it’s gust I need help at night time I need sleep I need something other then feeling like I’m nothing more then gust a mother and wife
It sounds like you guys need to do some checking in every day. My wife and I were at a point of almost divorcing a few years ago and we got counselling and we learned something that (I think) saved our marriage:
It takes 15 minutes every day. That is all. It works like this:
Sit down together, no TV, no phones (babies are ok obviously, but no other potential distractions).
Set a timer for 7 minutes and 30 seconds
One of you starts speaking: during the speaker’s 7 min 30 seconds, the speaker shares using “I feel” statements, without judgment (an “I feel” statement goes like this: “When I see [measurable, non-debatable thing], I feel [emotion]”, so for example “When I see the garbage has not been taken out, I feel angry” (but not “When you disrespect me, I feel angry” - whether or not the garbage was physically taken out is not debatable - it either was, or wasn’t - but whether one person disrespected the other could potentially trigger a defensive / debate reaction; this communication exercise works best when non-debatable, measurable things are used))
The listener can only respond by echoing what the speaker is saying, to show that the listener is listening, and the speaker has been heard: so the listener would say “It sounds like you feel angry when you see that the garbage has not been taken out. Is that right?” (The “Is that right?” is important, because it is possible the listener didn’t completely understand, and it helps to clarify.) The listener can NOT give any comments or judgments, ONLY echoing what the speaker said, to confirm understanding.
Once the first speaker’s 7 minutes and 30 seconds is up, then you switch and repeat steps 2-4 for the other person.
If one of the people has nothing to say or share, that’s ok, but the timer still keeps going. (Often silence will spur some shares, which is helpful. And even if the person says “I feel confused because I don’t know what to share” - that counts as an “I feel” statement too. It’s a normal, natural feeling. The point is just to share what you are feeling. It can also be feelings unrelated to home, so it could be “When I was at the park today, I ran into a friend from high school and we chatted for a bit; I was happy to run into that friend.”) No matter what, the timer continues, for the full 7 min 30 seconds. Part of the point of this exercise is spending meaningful time listening to each other and being with each other, even in silence. The timer keeps going whether there is a share or not.
When the 15 minutes are done, it’s done. It’s very simple. After you’re done, each of you moves on with your day.
It takes a few weeks but if you do this daily you will find that you both will feel more seen and appreciated.
I know it’s hard and discouraging. You are not alone
