I know am postin alot today but doin my best to keep distracted
Need some feedback, im on second day cold turkey and im getting this unsettled feeling in my mind, making me feel really depressed and low like its not worth it, almost like its trying to convince me to use is this a normal effect when going cold turkey? and sometimes im feeling alone and isolated even though theres people around and feel like ive been through this before an eachtime i lose myself more and more and i feel hopeless but its harder cause each time i fail i hate myself
Man, the first few weeks I felt like that.
Unsettled. Paranoid, tired, down, up.
Spent hours at work in my head, half the time stopping myself from getting in the car and going to buy booze and the other half spent analysing all the reasons why I was doing this.
Above all this was a cloud that hung like a misty veil that one day, about 3 months in just lifted.
It’s a long journey that lasts for the rest of our life’s.
We are not one day ’ cured’. I will always be an alcoholic, and this will always mean that I have to work at it.
But today I feel that my life has finally settled to a new normal where I don’t drink. And that’s cool.
Because 600 odd days ago I was all over the shop in my head. Didn’t know if I was coming or going.
I basically just sat back and let it all come.
Didn’t fight anything apart from the desire to drink.
Everything I felt or experienced I put down to getting sober.
Because drinking, for the amount of time that I did had left my brain working one way. All of a sudden no alcohol.
It’s had to adapt to this.
Yes it’s normal bro. I still go through these types of feelings even at 6 months sober. Feeling isolated is hard and hurts, but it’s the best time to find yourself and love yourself and learn to stop caring and thinking what anyone thinks. Stay busy, keep fidning yourself. Each time you get through something like this you feel stronger and more determined. But be easy on yourself for the past and don’t hate yourself because of a past mistake. The only day that matters is today, keep fighting untill your head hits that pillow and each morning you’ll be more and more proud. Trust me bro if I can make it, you can make it
Honestly mate your a real example to someone like me, im hitting a real mental wall, for years been in severe denial unable to face everything thats gone wrong in my life using the drugs to avoid it and i feel i have had to be the rock for everyone in my life and making sure there looked after but along the way i stopped looking after myself and im at a point i know i need to change but im afraid of the change even though i know i need it, but my heads got mad anxieties around it, no one i know is aware of my problems and not everybody understands addiction is a disease but atleast i can vent out and admit im afraid without been judged
yeah i understand what your saying, im just seeing all these people on here do so well and each time i keep failing and i cant even figure out whats going wrong other than feeling mentally weak
I know exactly what you mean.
I just liked to drink a lot didn’t i? Isn’t that the way of the world these days?
I must admit though, drinking at night became drinking during the day became drinking every day became drinking on the way to work.
But I was alright. I had a job, a house, a family.
Took me a couple of years to actually get to the point where I admitted it to myself and my wife.
Then another couple of years to actually stop.
Guilt, shame, anxiety all played their part.
I’ve come out to my close friends and they have all been cool.
What they say behind my back I don’t care. Don’t hear it, it doesn’t matter.
If I hear something, well they won’t be close any more.
But getting it out there was liberating and not half as scary as I thought. And on the whole well received.
Though I understand your job may be affected
yes? If you were open with them?
Yeah you seem to understand and yeah my job life and personal life would be effected, it just seems in my point of view cause ive been there person that takes everyones problems on if everyone knew i would look weak and in my mind i cannot let that happen and its a massive blocker
Yes, big hurdle.
But as I said try it. You’ll be surprised.
I thought my wife would either laugh at me or throw me out.
She did neither. She’s been very supportive.
Even didn’t drink at home for a few months.
Start small James. Idk how you can do it. Maybe small little sound bites dropped to see how they’re received? Idk?
But once you start the ball rolling then you will see.
Have you spoken to a gp regards anxiety?
I did one of those phych test things and he asked if I’d like to go on sertraline?
I said not really, because I’ve always disliked that sort of thing.
(Which is silly when one thinks about the amount of drugs and alcohol I’ve consumed over the years, but there you go! )
Anywho, I’m on a low dose and it’s really helpful.
Im not actually sure, its just seemed to end up that way where everyone relies on me, its not as bad as it used to be as ive backed away from people who only talk when they need stuff, and i just dont like to look weak, its pride more than anything
Your right where your meant to be ,the feeling of wanting to use that’s your addiction playing out as your starving it if your attention,time,engery,the feeling alone is ways Gona be part of early recovery even if you have a full house of caring ppl ,just keep remembering to share try to get outside support 121 councelling, AA program,smart recovery drug and alcohol services,where are you based to as I can send you a link to online meetings if that helps at all ,it’s really important to get a team of supppport behind you.
)
