Hello! You can do this. Just like you got to be really good at drinking, you can get really good at leaving it behind.
I was at about the same spot as you, 30 years of high functioning alcoholism. So good at it that I was miserable and didn’t even know why. I finally got so irritated with the control that booze had on me that I decided to take on sobriety for my next “high-functioning” project.
I read books about the brain science of alcoholism. I read books by people similar to me. (Professional women with dysfunction in their families- yes, I’m the daughter of an alcoholic pedophile who finally ended all our misery by suicide).
Also, I made a hard-core decision that I would not let that trauma and dysfunction control my life any longer. I got angry enough to put my foot down.
I told people close to me that I have decided to be done with booze. Most of my people have been great. And once I made the decision and told my people, well now I am working on the identity of being a person who doesn’t drink.
The first few weeks were very challenging. I had to concentrate hard on attending to myself. I substituted other comfort and sensory routines for the times I craved the drinks. These included hot showers, long walks with favorite music, deep breathing, checking in on this app. I kept reading books about people coming through this.
I added vitamin supplements and worked hard on better sleep habits. I reduced stress by selecting to avoid some triggering situations. I journaled regularly and interacted a lot in this forum.
I work on gratitude every day. Even with all the hard things that have happened in my life, I am strong and I deserve to be happy. I’m doing much better at taking care of my body and mind.
It’s been 7 months now and the cravings are becoming less frequent each week. I’ve added exercise back into my life and permission to have “play” in my life. It’s like I’m going back and taking care of the little girl I once was, the one who figured out how to grow up and out of her family and didn’t get to really be much of a kid.
Of course I still think about drinking frequently. It’s a huge part of our culture and was a big part of my life. But I’m so much calmer and feel truly free since I decided to leave it behind me forever. I tried moderation strategies for years and just wasted a lot of time and energy on negotiation with myself and my addicted brain.
The book that probably helped me the most was This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Her down to earth explanations of the brain science made sense to me and helped me make the decision on my own to break up my relationship with alcohol.
I hope you can find your way to freedom. It is an amazing journey and a gift you can give to yourself. After all you’ve been through, please take the best care of yourself that you can. You deserve to be happy and safe.