Hello. I am new to this app. Have had it for about a month but every other day I’ve kept resetting my “addiction”. Never posted anything and haven’t really taken it seriously. My culprit is beer. I am a type 2 diabetic, I have PCOS and I am 36 years old. My father died at the age of 39 of alcoholism. He was also diabetic. When I was younger, mostly my early 20’s I started drinking very heavily, a mix of everything, not just beer. It was pretty bad, i would black out all the time, wake up in hospitals, I even fell asleep on the street before. It was horrible. At the age of 30, I managed to stop drinking for about 5 years and then fell into it again… not as bad as before though, but still not healthy or safe for me at all. Pretty much every other day I have been buying approximately 10 cans of beer (7% alcohol) and get pretty buzzing. It seems I’m addicted to the “fun” of it, but I can’t do this any longer or I’m gonna end up like my dad. My sugars have been very high, about 15, they should be below 7. Last time I drank was Tuesday. On Wednesday morning at 4am, I woke up to go use the bathroom. I felt fine. Went back to bed and started feeling very bloated. Went back to the bathroom and ended up vomiting. My heart started pounding very fast, my face became very hot, I started shaking vigorously and got extremely dizzy. I went to lay down but my heart wouldn’t stop for a straight half an hour… I almost had a full blown panic attack. I tried to get up to take a lorazepam to calm me down and everything was spinning, my legs were shaking and I couldn’t walk. I was scared, scared for my life. I’ve made the decision that Tuesday was my LAST drink. I am having a VERY hard time as I’m constantly crying, very emotional and I cannot stop thinking about beer but I KNOW I don’t want it. I really don’t wanna end up dying. Please, I’d like to meet some people who can encourage me. Support me, help me and guide me. Also would love advice. Thanks again for reading my story! I’m trying very hard! God bless!!!
Been in the same place as you, resetting over and over again. Reaching out and asking for help, support is so important. I have not been doing that enough.
You are brave and amazing knowing you need to make a change!!
Would be happy to be a part of your support team.
Welcome to the forum. You’re absolutely in the right place for help and support. I haven’t been here for really long either,but most people here are just amazing.
Unfortunately I don’t have any good advice for you other than hang in there. It’s hard, especially the first days but It will eventually get easier. Changing habits and doing a huge life change isn’t easy but we’re all here to give you all the help and support we can. Since we are from different countries and time zones there’s usually always someone online no matter what time you’re posting. Reading posts helped me a lot in the beginning and the daily check-in has also been very helpful. And if you’re having a hard time or just need it for yourself to feel better you can always check-in and update more than once during the same day.
Thank you so much! I would love that too! 
Hi! Thank you so much! I really appreciate that! What exactly do you mean by check-ins? I’m new here so still learning about this app. Thanks again!
Welcome. This is a great app/site to be part of. The more you participate, the more you’re going to get out of it. Even if you have to keep resetting your counter, the fact that your mind is still in the game, and that you’re still trying matters because maybe after resetting it 100 times, one day you’ll look at your counter and you won’t be able to believe how much time has gone by and it just won’t be worth it to you to go backward. All that matters is that you keep trying. You’re always welcome here.
Welcome! My reset history is embarrassing, so I get it. Just keep trying and don’t give up! I also quit for 6 months a year ago and fell off the wagon, got dragged by the wagon and I think it backed over me a few times. Keep going and you’ll get there. This is a great place too. Everyone is super supportive!
Welcome what you felt were withdrawal symptoms and they can get worst. I felt them when I first started sober life now at 137 days they are less active. Stay strong you will find a lot of support here, put everything together the support from here, staying busy, your will power to stay sober and make a change for your own good. All that you are going to need and some. Most important thing to remember is that you are doing it for you, for your own good, your own health. Take care
Lol, that damn wagon!
Yes! That damn wagon has drug me over rocks and backed up over my several times. Thanks for making me giggle.
Did anyone answer your question about check ins?
Hi pal and welcome!!
Everything you are feeling is completely normal. For my first 3 months I was always a second away from tears. I cried A LOT!
Here’s some reading that may answer some questions you have.
Like we say, keep coming back!
There’s a topic thread called “Daily check-in to maintain focus. And another called” Goodnight to all" where you can write a little about your day, or just say “Hi I’m here today”
I’m kinda new to so unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to link it to you yet. 
Welcome Ileana. I’m proud of you for deciding to become sober.
I highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.
I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.
Mindfulness is also great of letting go of past shame and guilt since it teaches you to let your thoughts pass without giving them any attention.
This is a weird suggestion, but I recommend giving your addiction a name. Sobriety became easier for me once I named my addiction Brutus. It is no longer an enemy hiding in the shadows now, but now I know my enemy and now I can fight it better.
I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.
You can make sobriety a lot easier. It’s really hard to think about staying sober for the rest of my life. If I think, do I want to stay sober for the rest of my life? I think hell no. But I can and want to stay sober for today. The next day, I also think I can stay sober for today. and so on.
Don’t think about not using for life but think about not using today. Do that every day, and it gets way easier. If you are very deep in the shit, you can even think, I’ll stay sober the next 5 minutes.
Don’t listen to your mind, your mind will not stop being a dick, it will be a dick less and less, but it will never fully stop being a dick.
If you have cravings, just play the tape. By that I mean, pretend that you abuse again, then try foreseeing the future. Will it be all butterflies and roses, because you feel so awesome when relapsing, or will it be shame, self-disgust and disappointment you feel.
When your mind tells you that you can use once, that’s bullshit, the biggest bullshit ever. Your addiction just tries to find a way to get satisfied.
I also recommend following the twelve step-program with a sponsor.
I hope this helps
Good luck, you’ve got this. 
How are you doing today?
I’m not 37 but I’m alcholic I love blacking out by noon and like I lost my dad to alcholism. I always get muscle spasms after a night of hard drinking even though I know drinking is bad it’s not the drink I want it’s the feeling. Being sober sucks atm cuz alchol is the only thing on my mind… Although we are in the same place I’m here to help and would love to support you :).
Why is crying always right under the surface while trying to get sober. I don’t feel sad, but just want to cry.