Idk I just can’t deal with my family. I decided to visit when I’ve avoided them for 2 weeks and within a few hours it’s become a mess. My mom made a shitty comment about how I save no money and I told her I’ve put the majority of every check into savings. And then I got yelled at for “talking back”.
Everything is miserable I never should’ve come. I wanted to see my grandpa but he’s not doing well and it’s breaking my heart and my family is just making me feel like I’m a piece of shit. Maybe I am. I just don’t belong anywhere
She started yelling and I told her if she says something shitty I’m going to defend myself. And she just started saying how I don’t have the right to defend myself because she’s the adult. Even though I’m 20
Nobody, family included gets your support, love or presence without giving those things to you too. Everybody has arguments but, as someone who had to cut a toxic family member out of my life, I don’t regret it. It was done for me and my own family.
I don’t know what life away from you family looks like but if it is manageable and comfortable perhaps this is something to give some thought. You will know the dynamics at play, though, like how self sufficient you are, how important “family” is to you and also anything you know deep down are problems you contributing to. I would always advise that you give your own actions and contributions an honest overview before deciding anything regarding relationships.
Hope it all works out and your relationships can be salvaged but that you ultimately find the result you need most.
Thank you. I still have to live with my parents right now but my extended family we as previous abusive and they have never provided me any love or support. My grandpa is the only good one
Lord, no answer to that. Some mothers are just toxic. Try to mentally distance yourself from the insane things she is saying. And I. Sorry about your grandpa. I know how important he is to you.
Hi Megan,
Be thankful you are able to see your Grandpa and cherish the time together. We can’t choose our family. It will get better in time, I promise. Sending hugs! You have a lot of friends here who care.
Boundaries…they will make life so much easier once you get into the habbit of setting them and enforcing them with people.
It’s always hardest set boundaries with family members because we are emotionally bonded and conditioned to please them. Rest assured this can be changed through repeating the process of letting your mother know when she has crossed the line.
Some examples you could try are:
“I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that and if you keep talking to me that way i’m going to remove myself from this situation”
“My money is none of your concern and if you continue to try and make me feel bad for my financial situation, i am going to leave”
This only works if you are consistent and you actually follow through with what you say you are going to do. Your family members will learn pretty quickly what happens when they cross your boundaries.
Stick up for yourself because nobody else will in this life.
You’re right. I’m gonna start trying to just say those things flat out rather than simply defending myself. Clear boundaries are much harder to be seen as attitude as well. Thanks
