Day two… Technically. I’ve abused alcohol for about 6 years, and last night I got another intervention. I’m not even really enjoying alcohol at this stage in my life, but I’ve definitely grown an emotional, semi physical dependency on it. Attempting to change things in my life while also being hungover all of the time/ being shit faced every evening is tiring and difficult. I spend almost $50-$100 a week just in bottles of wine or 15 packs of beer and I’m just… So tired.
I’ve attempted quitting drinking before, and my best was 45 days. It was a stressful but good experience for me, but I remember that Day One so vividly because now 10 months has passed by like a complete blur and I have made some very questionable, embarrassing choices because of my drinking.
I’d say the worst part of all of this is that I’m still frustrated and angry. We dumped all of my booze down the sink last night while I was basically hyper fucking ventilating. I thought I might actually throw up, my head was throbbing with pain, and I haven’t been able to sleep all night. It’s almost 8 am now and I’m thinking of just going and making a pot of coffee.
I want to embrace a sober life, but I still am not sure if I can do it. My head hurts. I opened my phone and got invited to a wing night with beer, a wine night with the ladies, and I haven’t even told my boyfriend yet that I’ve quit.
I hope you decide to quit. I’m not what you are after but there are two programs I know of with no religion. SMART and Women for Sobriety. And regardless of misconception A.A. isn’t religious it’s spiritual finding something that is more powerful than yourself
It takes something big to stop the momentum of something powerful. We know how hard it is and most have failed a few times. I’ve made it a month sober before amid a year of drinking and looking back, even bored to tears was better than the destructive cycle.
You can get sober and stay sober! There is hope! Its gling to be ok. But i think your gonna need support to do so. And im talking support as in, someone who knows exactly what youre going through. Someone whos been in your shoes before. I dont know if you have a commercial insurance or not, but theres always rehab, then something not as intense would be intensive out patient program (IOP). You can start to see an addiction couselor/therapist. You would need to call your insurance to see what they cover in your area. A lot of the time insurance like medicaid will only cover the therapist, not something so intense. Also theres free programs which were stated before in preivious comments. AA is spiritual not religious, there is a difference. SMART Recovery isnt a 12 step program. But i will tell you for me, AA has saved me from me. From hurting me or others anymore than i had already done. The steps have helped me see why i do what i do, got me to the bottem of it all, not just the surface. I surfaced why i drank and used for many years, to only lead to relapse after relapse. Getting sober your going to have to do things you dont want to do. But if it will keep you sober 1 more day, than so be it. I had to be willing to do the things i didnt want to. I had to be willing in order to stay sober. I sont drink or use one day at a time. I see a therpist regularly. I go to AA. I found support there and a sponsor. I needed someone to talk to when i couldnt get out of my own head. I need help staying sober. Sorry to say but sometimes we need to ask for help. You need to try to keep yourself busy, especially durong the times youd normally drink. Just sitting around thinking about drinking isnt goong to work. Start a new routine. I wish ypu the best. Hope this helps.
You can absolutely do this, but you need to want it. I’ve been working this journey for 3 years and I’m back at 64 days sober. Support is a HUGE thing to have. Religious or not. Tell your boyfriend. Tell your best friend. Tell someone and have them help you. Delete all those invites. Hide in your house for the next week or so if you need to, until you can get a grip on yourself and can face the world with the strength you need. You can always reach out to me whenever you need to talk or vent. Best of luck!! Stay strong
