Yes, here am I again, the disabled girl, after a long absence because I relapsed and gave up even trying. The reason, of course, is pain. A certain amount of that stuff can make me feel almost normal for a while. But I cannot stop once I start; it is as if the alcohol takes possession of my brain.And I drink outrageous amounts, start running off at the mouth about sad stuff, and get really sick. And then I dislike myself even more intensely than I do all the time no matter what.
I HAVE to stop. All the way. Period. My roommate drinks but controls herself. This does make it more difficult for me. This time I am not going to go on about how hard it is to stop; rather I shall check in every day if possible and also when I am wanting alcohol really badly. Just talking about it helps to keep a person in check.
Welcome back! I agree with you in that connecting with others is sooo important for maintaining sobriety. I check in at least once and even twice a day most days and it helps greatly. Checking in daiky makes it easier to check in when im struggling. Hope u stick around and post often 
Welcome back - you are not alone; you are never alone unless you choose to be alone, and even then, as long as you are alive, you have the choice to come back.
One day at a time. Have you considered joining some online meetings too? I find those helpful for the chance to connect in conversation with other people in recovery.
Yes, I have thought about it but do not want to show my face (it is disfigured and it does not seem fair because it used to look nice before getting messed up.)
I can appreciate your personal feelings about this but people in groups like AA don’t care what people look like, if they did none of our sorry arses would have made it through the door. We want you to have a chance at a sober life and we want to tell you what we did to get ours and maybe help you along the way a little bit.
The people who judge others in the rooms either learn another way to think over time or go back out to drink.
To start with maybe try online zoom meetings as you don’t even have to have your camera on. I’m quite shy and don’t always have a camera on… Here is a 24 hour meeting.
I wish you well on your journey 