Hello everyone. I have not been on here for a while. After I posted my last sober selfies and feeling really good. I slipped, and then I slipped a few more times…. Including last night. I dont know why I keep having these lapses. I also know that I am 100% responsible for my slips and I know what I am suppose to be doing. I know that I should be going to my monday meetings, and doing ninety meetings and ninety days. My sponsor must be sick of me. I had fifty three days again.And then I blew it. And I know that this community is extremely loving and supportive. I just feel that because I keep having these slips I feel ashamed for showing my face. But today, I decided to log back in, right awayI was met with a direct message from @SinceIAwoke checking in on me 
. So Im back and need you all… Im sorry for messing up.
Welcome back! No reason for shame, you’re learning more about yourself and you’re back! That’s awesome. Progress not perfection! 
Thank you… I hate it when the demon wins. Need to be stronger… wiser. 
The demon didn’t necessarily win because you’re back! All we can do is live and learn
Glad you are back. Keep moving forward.
I know how hard it is girl. Big hugs. You got this…you will be alright. I’m so glad you’re here. 
Im so glad ur back friend 
There truly is no reason to feel ashamed. Many of us (including myself) have experienced many relpases before getting sober. I was a chronic relapser for years. I could never figure out why i kept going back. And like urself, i KNEW what i needed to do… but doing it what a completely diff ball game. I had to figure out what was preventing me from doing the things i knew i had to do?
Do u know whats preventing u from attending ur meetings or staying sober?
U made the right decision in coming back here 
We will always be a place of support. Monday is coming up and it might be a good idea to get back on track with ur Monday meetings as well. Get ur feet planted back in recovery Get that recovery groove back again. U have had time under ur belt before, u can do it again. I truly do believe in u
Shame over my relapses kept me sick and secretive. I wish this upon no-one, my experience is that I got sober 18 years after my first attempt at AA. It can be done, and we can hurt ourselves doing it, hurt in ways nobody who hasn’t been here will know.
I am so very glad to see you again! Keep coming back.
Do you have the option to go to treatment? Like a rehab for 90 days or something like that? I’m not sure if that’s even a possibility and I’m not sure where you’re living at but I know there’s a lot of help out there Even if you don’t have money or insurance. Maybe being away from your environment for a while and learning some tools to stay sober and being around other people might help and then when you get out you just continue with that momentum. Either way I’m really glad you’re alive and here posting. Don’t be ashamed because a lot of us were Constantly relapsing myself included. Before this time of sobriety I lost track of How many times I Relapsed And the last couple years were crazy it’s like I was starting over every couple months but speaking for myself it was because I kept thinking that I was going to find some magical way to beat this on my own or I was going to figure out some magic formula to still drink and exist in this world. But speaking for myself I just accept the fact that I’m never going to be able to drink and that actually is a freeing feeling because it makes it easier to get better or continue getting better. I know that you can do this and I know that you can live sober and have a good life and be happy. It’s just going to take a little work and dedication on a daily basis. I know that your brain is going to play tricks on you and maybe in a couple weeks it’ll tell you that you’re making a big deal out of this and maybe you don’t have a problem but you can’t listen to that voice in your head that is telling you to go back to drinking. You need to be reminded of the negatives of drinking on a daily basis so you don’t forget. Your life is not over and you have a lot of life ahead of you. You can do this
I have to do the 90 meetings in 90 days. I just have to! It’s like I was telling Dan, i have a lot of work Travel coming up in the next couple months and i’m scared. I know that if I drink, I will absolutely lose my license and I can burn everything down. And that monkey on my back keeps whispering to me, and I have to learn to shut that monkey up. But i’m struggling right now… and it’s not like I’m drinking every day. I’m having lapses almost every weekend for a day. And it’s not necessarily how much i’m drinking.It’s what I do when i’m drinking. Thank you for your words and kindness.
I hear you I really do. You just can’t drop your guard and you have to be doing something for your recovery every single day. There was a lot of stuff I heard old-timers in AA say to me in the past that would seriously piss me off but they were always right and one of them was stuff like on the day you relapsed did you go to a meeting? Did you ask the universe or your higher power to help you stay sober? Did you call some people in recovery? Did you help somebody else out that day? And usually it was literally no for every single one of those on The days I Relapsed.. And for myself in the past it would be like a snowball effect like I would start dropping my guard and little by little I would stop doing certain things and it would just build up To where eventually I was doing nothing for my Recovery and I would be miserable. I think you really just have to accept the fact that you’re going to be uncomfortable for a little bit and there’s nothing wrong with that. It does get better and eventually you cross this line in sobriety where you’re not even thinking about drinking like at all ..especially if you put the work in. Being sober and living sober takes practice and you have to give it some time. I know for myself in the past I would never give it enough time to really let my brain and body heal or learn the tools necessary to stay sober.
Ps: Also changing your perception or view of alcohol!
Like alcohol is poison and it sucks and has a crazy amount of bad side effects plus it’s costly and ruins your life!!! If you look at it like that then Obviously that doesn’t sound appealing Or a good time. Because our brain wants to tell us that it’s going to be great or solve whatever problem or help but it does nothing but bad things
Feeling good, and it seems that you wanted to exceed that by attempting to feel even better? By drinking?
I feel that, if that was the case.
..
You feel ashamed for showing your face, even having the all black avatar.
You feel ashamed of being here, but how do you really feel about drinking? Is there guilt or shame the next morning or in the mist of drinking?
No need to be ashamed, my friend. You’re still in the battle, you haven’t give up. Go to the meetings although it might be scary. But we are always here for you!
Thank you for your encouraging comment. It helps me feel connected, herd and loved. Yes im battling it hard. So I really appreciate the kindness 
Especially because im feeling really raw and vulnerable.
You are absolutely 
% right. It was no for all those questions. I slipped the beginning of September and didn’t go back to any meetings, didn’t attend on zoom, didn’t reach out to my sponser. Didn’t do anything thats why I failed. So I will be going to my in-person meeting on Monday. And I will post on here every day to keep myself accountable. Thank you for bring straight forward and kind.
So very grateful to see you pop in today – You have been missed.
The shame of our relapse keeps us stuck in the pattern and afraid to reach out for support. You are supported and loved here. We have all been where you are and know that you can not go through the cycle alone.
Very happy to have you back with us. Work on the recovery with the tools that have helped and maybe look into other things that may allow you to keep from going back. We have to keep trying things till something finally clicks and gotta remember to reach out when you feel the urges or are triggered. Many times just connecting with someone helps enough to get through.
ODAAT my friend 
@Button83 welcome back. No need to be ashamed at all. You are here now and back that is a good thing. Let start with you committed to staying sober today, just today. Ready? Let’s do it! Sick of those shitty hangovers! You can do! Let’s own this day! Get your head on that pillow sober! We can worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
We all know that shame intimately. It isn’t something just for you. The beauty of sobriety is you get to leave that shame and guilt in the past.
Today is a new day.
I’m glad I saw this because I thought of you when I was on here earlier today.
Do not feel ashamed. If anything, that speaks to the commitment you have to truly make sobriety a priorty in your life.
Girl, it took me THREE YEARS to get my 
together. I’d lurk on here, stop drinking for a week or two, then go back to my old ways.
It’s not going to be easy. But with time, and our commitment to finding healthier coping mechanisms, it truly does get better.
We are still right here!
Reach out to us when you start that stinking thinking.
