Currently just shy of 70 hours sober on what seems like my millionth try in the last two years. This time after a two week binge ending with a black out blow up fight accusing my other half of behavior I have insecurities about due to his past indiscretions from 3 years ago.
I’ve come to realize a few things… my drinking problem has been there for quite some time.
It gets worse when I stop taking my medication and I use it to mask the symptoms of mental illness.
It became full blown alcoholism after discovering my husband’s 2nd affair this one having lasted for 2 years.
I’m not a mean drunk it truly calms me down and stops the anxiety until I black out and hate him again. But I don’t want to drink. I chose to stay with my husband and work through things for us and my family. I would like to learn to manage my mental illness without 5 meds a day but struggle to find doctors in our rural area. I would like to learn to stop struggling with the past.
He struggles to understand battles with alcoholism and that you can’t always just stop. He doesn’t understand mental illness and the things that come with it. Also thinks you can just control it.
I’m not sure what my hope for this post was other than finding someone who has been in my shoes and maybe can point me in some sort of direction. Have a conversation… I don’t have sober friends. I don’t speak to family. My kids are on the younger end. I just feel alone and trapped in my own head most days. I want to succeed but feel like I’m in this cycle of failure.
Hi ! Welcome ! You’ll find a great deal of support here. I was also on 3 different medications for anxiety and depression. What I found was that my anxiety was just a symptom of my alcoholism. I am now involved in AA and 37 days AF and have a new Serenity that I couldn’t get from the meds. You can find lots of live meetings online if you dont have the option of going to one. For me interacting daily with others in recovery and sharing my thoughts is key. Sending you Hope and Serenity your way !!!
Thank you! I have dealt with bipolar since my late teen years which very few in my life know. I have avoided AA mostly due to the fact that I have never been around any sort of religion since I was a very little kid and every time I have looked into it that seems to be the foundation. Any insight on that?
I can definitely relate to a lot of this. My partner doesn’t understand when I try to explain the extent of what is going on in my head and how bad my mental health can be at times. It doesn’t matter how I explain it. But then I talk to people who do understand (here, my sister, a coworker) and I don’t think he needs to understand. I am making it clear to him now that it is something I need to address and am prioritizing for me! It has become nonnegotiable.
I also live in a rural area and the therapists I tried to see here were not a good fit. I start next week with an online therapist though! I was against online therapy for awhile but if thats what it takes for me to feel better and get out of my head then I’m willing to try it.
If we keep trying then it’s not failure! It is only failure when we give up and decide to stay stuck.
In AA we our Higher Power is one of our own understanding. We dont affiliate that with any particular religion. You’ll find many different views on what people consider their Higher Power. I would definitely at least give it a few chances and see what you think. I think you may be suprised. Many of my friends were of the same opinion as yourself. Like someone once said. What’s the worst that could happen. I could get sober ?
There are a lot of online ones that kept coming across my Instagram feed for months. A lot of them have therapists licensed across the country but not all of them have therapists specifically licensed for my state. The one I chose is based on the east coast and is trying to expand to have licensed therapists for all states and had just hired on therapist for my state.
I’ll search around and see what I find. If you wouldn’t mind coming back with a simple after your visit that would be awesome just on the overall vibe of the online!
Certainly! Knowing myself I will probably end up having a lot of thoughts on it and will come on here to write a short essay I’ll bookmark this post as a reminder for myself to come back and let you know.
Hi there and congrats on 70 days. You feel alone because you are isolated. I would second finding an online community where you could participate zoom meetings. AA is not the only option, though it is a good one. I do The Luckiest Club as well. You need connection and community. It is my most powerful tool I have to stay sober.
Hey @Release sorry I didn’t get back and respond to this sooner. I hope you’re doing well! So far I love the online therapy/therapist I found. She was easy to talk to, kept things flowing well, and the online platform they use for appointments was super straight forward.
Have you been looking into therapy or found anywhere that you feel comfortable pursuing an appointment with?
thanks! I will check it out.
after your visit that would be awesome 
just on the overall vibe of the online!
I’ll bookmark this post as a reminder for myself to come back and let you know.