Negative family members

Today i am 85 days sober from alcohol. 2 days ago after going to the first funeral since my dad passed i was speaking to my aunt. (The woman has been a mother moreso). I was telling her i would have 90 days sober Oct 3rd. She put her hand on my shoulder and scoffed saying " let me know in a year how that goes". It immediatly stopped me in my tracks. I am absolutely defeated by this. I am super emotional and the words wont stop repeating in my head over and over like a broken record. I dont have a support system and the meetings in my town are discusting and about faking it till you make it. Noone is serious about them and there are more drugs in them than not. Cant get mental health help either bc there is a wait list for any that take my insurance. We just dont have the resources here.
What do i do? How do i get past this.? How do i make it stop? Its just me and my daughter and i feel like im drowning.


That is so disappointing, I am so sorry you had to hear that, and at a funeral. 85 days is huge, massive well done! I am sorry you haven’t got a support system. This place is absolutely amazing and there is always someone awake, so feel free to share here. Welcome :blush:


I wouldnt allow anyone to bring my spirits down! Jus remember you’re not doing this for anyone but you! I encourage you to start doing zoom meetings if the ones in your hometown suck!



It is difficult to hear criticism when you feel like you are doing so well.

I learned that the people in my life that knew me and saw what I was like when I was drinking were in a much different place as I progressed in recovery. I had a lot to “prove.” Initially it hurt to not feel recognized for my efforts. I came to realize that my actions and reactions were the only things in my control. Important people in my life and their opinions still matter but I accept that they may not see me and my recovery the same way as I do.

Don’t let this slow you down. 85 days is awesome! :peace_symbol:


Take her out to dinner on your one year anniversary and thank her! Gratitude that shit. :hugs:


Congratulations on your journey and putting your mess on the table instead of bottling it up. For me i think what a few told me was don’t expect everyone to be happy for you and look for hugs n pat on the back from family and friends. I was told that bc not everyone cared or was happy for me and i was prepared for it. So be happy for yourself and the ppl that truly care and don’t worry about the others. I also had to remember the damage n hurt i caused everyone and just bc i am sober i have to wait until they are ready to move forward. Hope this make a little sense :laughing: :blush:. As we say in the rooms take what you need and leave the rest. ODAAT 08-18-18


I am sorry you experienced this. Some people just can’t get their head around the concept that sobriety is a thing.

I know it’s easy for me to say, but please try and ignore it.

Remember how far you have come and be proud of that.

And in a year, go to that aunt and put your hand on her shoulder and say “I did it”……


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I think you’re awesome! 85 days is fantastic :ok_hand:t2: my mother in law is somewhat like you described your aunt. Only my MIL sickly smiles and says “you’re doing great” to my face, then we’ll see how long it lasts to others. Fuck them! Seriously! We are working on ourselves for ourselves. I’m sorry you had to go through that and can understand why it’s knocked you but pay no heed! Some people are jealous because they will never change the direction in their lives like we are doing by choosing sobriety. When my MIL tries to bring me down it makes me more determined to lift my chin and keep going, keep working on myself. Use any anger you rightly have about her negative comments and turn that into even more determination. I think you’re truly amazing! :raised_hands:t2::two_hearts:


Welcome Jessica and Congrats on 85 days!
Come here and celebrate your 90 days.

When I hit my 90 days, I celebrated here and with the ladies in AA. My husband said he was proud and bought me a balloon but I could tell he only did it because he had to. He was still drinking heavily at the time and my sobriety was causing him to look at himself.

He finally got sober 2 years later and when he celebrated his 90 days, I did not congratulate him. Instead, I told him I’ll celebrate when you hit 1 year. I had to give him tough love because I had enough of his failed attempts. He did hit that year and we did celebrate. The point is, it takes time for loved ones to come around. Not saying this is what your aunt is feeling, just sharing my experience as the “negative family member”.

There are some pretty awesome meetings on the following platform. They have AA meetings every other hour and various ladies only meetings that I particularly love. You can just listen and get the feel. You will not be called on unless you turn your camera on and click the “request to share” button.


Congratulations on your 85 days! Try to not let your aunt get you down. And I know it’s hard. I am experiencing some of that in my family. This seems like a great place for support. I haven’t been to any meetings in my area but am considering it and also online meetings.

Awwww my heart breaks for you, try to consider the source as your aunt sounds a little ignorant. Her words are just that…words. sticks and stones so stay strong and know we are all in your corner


You respond by making it a year and telling her about your success at that time. Don’t take her ignorance to your sobriety personally.

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I’m sorry that happened to you… that’s really awful. To be vulnerable about your sobriety and share that with another person…only to have them cut you down. Some people are just jerks and don’t deserve you. Try to remember it says WAY more about them than it does you.
Regarding meetings, I hear you. They aren’t for me either. But you made a big step in posting on here tonight reaching out for support. Don’t discredit yourself for that. That took courage.
Regarding mental health assistance, I know insurances can be a nightmare. But I also know there are a alternative online options nowadays. It would require some research on your end but it’s worth looking into.
In the heat of the moment, meditation is my main resource to help me regain my clarity.
Regarding a support system, I will gently encourage you to rethink about someone you can turn to. Early in my recovery I didn’t think I had a support system. But after a while I tried reaching out, some to make amends and others to connect. I won’t lie to you, some didn’t respond and the relationship was lost. However, there were WAY more people who were than I ever thought there would be. I came to realize that I had gotten rather cynical towards people and was, and still am, quick to write them off.
Finally, one last thing that I know we all need to hear from time to time. You’re not alone.

Hi Jessica, first off well done on your sober time thats incredible :clap: people who arent addicts simply dont understand how it is for us and its kinda that simple really…they dont get it so your aunts words stem from that. All you need to do is keep doing what your doing because you are doing amazing things for you and your daughter, im so proud of u :sparkling_heart: